I am CuTRis

Donald Trump Plans to Visit Hell UnAssociated Press May 27, 2025 President Trump is planning to fly his new (old) "Palace in the sky" down to hell for a visit with the dark lord himself. "I've known him for years," said Trump on so-so media, "we agree on most things and his home is a very warm place." Of course Trump had a lot more to say, and much of it was incoherent. But apparently, Mr. Trump would like to warehouse legal immigrants in hell, and also potentially U.S. citizens who disagree with him.

CuTRis Imposes Tarrifs on Trump and China UnAssociated Press April 9, 2025 Earlier today, CuTRis imposed an 82 million billion trillion percent "reciprocal" tariff on Donald Trump , and a 44 million billion percent "reciprocal" tarrif on China . The stock market has reacted favorably. Even though he doesn't have stock , CuTRis stock went up 98 trillion points.

This recently obtained x-ray of Donald Trump might provide some insight into his ridiculously reckless behavior.

CuTRis Wants to Win Triple Crown UnAssociated Press March 3, 2025 CuTRis wants to win the Triple Crown . The problem is, the Thoroughbred Racing Associations of North America will not allow CuTRis to compete because he is a human. "I should be able to race against the fastest thoroughbreds in the world!" CuTRis was quoted as saying. "They are complaining that I have an unfair advantage, because I only have two legs. But mostly, it's because I have been clocked at speeds of up to 88 miles-per-hour!" Can CuTRis run 142 kilometers-per-hour? Yes, it appears that he can. Opponents of CuTRis ' request, say that people have no business racing against horses. Staunch liberals, however, believe that CuTRis should be allowed to race within the group that he most identifies with. Furthermore, he should not only be allowed to race against horses, but he should be declared the winner if he crosses the finish line first. Likely, there will be much more debate ...

CuTRis picked by Trump to become the new, United States Trade Representative UnAssociated Press December 4, 2024 Many in the GOP think that Donald Trump's appointment of CuTRis to be United States Trade Representative, is a mistake. For one thing, he may actually be able to do the job. And secondary, and perhaps more important, he does not have any sex abuse allegations against him--which is a common theme among Trump's appointments. Clearly, this might be the deal breaker that makes him unqualified.

I found another memorial dedicated to "No Train Horn."

Fox News Says Donald Trump can Fly UnAssociated Press August 20, 2024 Among the interesting stories being spun by Fox News today, is one that has a lot of people taking a second look. Apparently, Donald Trump can fly! When asked about flying, Donald replied, "Of course. I can fly. I'm the greatest flyer in American History! I fly everyday. Well, not everyday, but I fly a lot. I fly better than a bird. And birds can fly... really good! But not as good as me." When asked if JD Vance can fly, Trump replied, "No, not yet. But he's learning. I'm teaching him. But he can breathe fire, so I'm not too worried."

CuTRis will Likely be Harris' Vice President UnAssociated Press August 1, 2024 It is now widely thought that CuTRis will be Kamala Harris ' running mate, as Vice President. CuTRis is well known for his belief that Donald Trump is a total ass clown . "Trump is all about scaring paranoid people into fearing "brown people." It's ridiculous I know, but it works with those who follow him in spite of his criminal activity, insults and mistreatment of women, minorities, disabled people and anyone who isn't rich and white," CuTRis told reporters. "The real enemy is not minorities and immigrants," he continued. "It's corporations that are draining the money, and the life, out of the American people."

Don't Touch the Poisonwood! UnAssociated Press March 9, 2024 When CuTRis went to southern Florida, his friends warned him not to get eaten by an alligator! But when he saw one, it was just lying still, so he got closer. It was poor planning. He also ran across other giant sea monsters! But he got away before being eaten... But then, he encountered the Poisonwood ! Nobody warned him about that! He would have to improvise... CuTRis was last seen swimming with a Sailfish, trying to wash off the poisonwood-tree resin. At least that's what the dumpster birds told the UAP.

Donald Trump Announces Sale of His New Dumbass Slippers! UnAssociated Press February 27, 2024 As Donald Trump's legal cases continue to grow , he has begun selling footwear to pay his legal debts . Today, the former President, turned dictator-want-to-be, has unveiled his new, Trump Dumbass Slippers for sale at $666 per pair.      Trump models Dumbass Slippers     By Noon Eastern Time, the slippers were already sold-out! A fan of Trump's Dumbass Slippers

CuTRis to be New House Speaker UnAssociated Press October 6, 2023 Citing as his reasons, that no one is qualified to become the next Speaker of the House of Representatives , due to Fascist tendencies and/or the inability to put the country before their political party, CuTRis has decided to become the next Speaker of the House.

The indictment charges against Trump are still unknown. Apparently they are still under Seal.

CuTRis Shoots Object Over His Yard UnAssociated Press February 11, 2023 At 1:00PM CST today, CuTRis using a slingshot, reportedly fired at an unidentified object flying over his yard in St. Paul, Minnesota. It may have been a Chinese Spy balloon, the Goodyear Blimp, or possibly a sparrow. The object was hit, and reportedly flew in wide circles before crash landing in the Atlantic Ocean, off the coast of South Carolina. The U.S. Navy is not looking for the wreckage at this time.

George Santos Shoots Down Chinese Spy Balloon UnAssociated Press February 4, 2023 Earlier today, it was reported that George Santos shot down the Chinese spy balloon , using a missile he keeps in his pants for use on these occasions.

Actual video of the Chinese spy balloon being shot down! https://youtu.be/3DjyCb_bahI

CuTRis Headlining Superbowl Halftime Show! UnAssociated Press January 18, 2023 CuTRis is now said to be headlining the Superbowl Halftime Show!

Rihanna Accused of Stealing Hairstyle from Whoville UnAssociated Press January 18, 2023 Singer Rihanna , (shown in picture from Superbowl ad) has been accused of stealing her new hairstyle from Whoville . The residents of the ficticious Dr. Seuss town are split as to whether she should be allowed to use it.     " I think it's cool!" said Cindy-Lou Who . "I'm okay if Rihanna uses our hairstyles."     "Appropriation of Who Hair is unacceptable!" shouted Mayor Augustus Maywho . So far, Rihanna has not commented on the issue.

Classified Documents Found in CuTRis' Shed UnAssociated Press January 11, 2023 Today the House Oversight Committee, announced that it is investigating classified documents found inside of CuTRis' inventing shed. CuTRis denies any knowlege of the documents, and says it is just a smear campaign launched by both conservatives and liberals--to prevent a possible presidential run in 2024.

CuTRis Voted in as House Speaker UnAssociated Press January 5, 2023 It was reported that CuTRis was voted in as Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives today. When asked if he was going to accept the position, CuTRis replied, "probably not, I'm kind of busy."