I am CuTRis

Russians Mad: Thing Falls on Moscow UnAssociated Press July 12, 2013 The Russians are mad at CuTRis and want their rubles back after the... thing they bought from CuTRis earlier today fell on Moscow and broke it. CuTRis was in his garage drinking beer and was unable to comment.

CuTRis Sells His Thing to the Russians UnAssociated Press July 12, 2013 - 11:59 AM CDT CuTRis has just announced the he has sold his giant... thing to the Russians . Apparently they came and picked it up twenty minutes ago in an old Kamaz truck . CuTRis reportedly got 654 Rubles for the sale. CuTRis was pretty excited about all the money until someone told him that it was only $20 in U.S. Dollars. After a moment, CuTRis announced that he was going to go buy some beer .

American Civil Liberties Union protects CuTRis' Thing UnAssociated Press July 12, 2013 The American Civil Liberties Union has embraced CuTRis' ... thing , and has declared that the city keep its "hands off" of CuTRis' ... thing; or the ACLU will sue the pants off of the city! The city commented that the city does not wear pants and they will go after CuTRis' ... thing if it is not removed by Noon today!

 CuTRis and Thing CuTRis Appears with His Thing UnAssociated Press July 12, 2013 Standing in front of his... thing this morning, CuTRis told reporters that he already has big plans in store for his... thing, and he will release the news later this morning.

City Talks About CuTRis' Thing UnAssociated Press July 12, 2013 City Administrator Dick Head, had this to say in an early morning press conference about CuTRis' ... thing that he has constructed in his backyard. "Without a doubt the... 'thing' that CuTRis has is simply huge. It has blocked out the sun and touched off a storm of insinuations and rumors. The city has mandated that CuTRis downsize his... 'thing' by Noon today. That is all."

Thing CuTRis Builds Thing UnAssociated Press July 11, 2013 In another of a whole string of scandals , CuTRis has apparently built a 700,000,000 foot (213,360,000.00 meter) tall... thing in his backyard. The city is threatening legal action as it exceeds the maximum height allowed of 50 feet. Furthermore CuTRis apparently did not pull a permit from the city before building it. When asked about his... thing , CuTRis said, "I really don't like to talk about my... 'thing.' I don't think it is really anyone's business. Sure it may shade the sun from an entire city block--but what about people who play loud music at all hours of the night? That is disruptive! My... 'thing,' is just out there. It's not hurting anything--it just exists. Stop looking at my thing!" So far neither CuTRis nor the city are backing down. The city demands that CuTRis' get rid of his... thing by Noon tomorrow or he will face persecution .