I am CuTRis

We should probably all stop talking about the Epstein files and wondering what's in the Epstein files. We should be quiet about whether Donald Trump is in the Epstein files. Just let the Epstein files go away and don't mention the Epstein files anymore. Stop wondering why so many FBI personnel were reassigned to check what's in the Epstein files, so that it can be redacted if it's ever released. Remember, the thing about the Epstein files is, that according to Pam Bondi, the Epstein files were both on her desk and also non-existent. So all of this talk about the Epstein files, is something that just won't go away even though Donald Trump would like it too. So please, don't mention the Epstein files so much because the more we talk about the Epstein files, the more the Epstein files issue will not go away.

Classified Documents Found in CuTRis' Shed UnAssociated Press January 11, 2023 Today the House Oversight Committee, announced that it is investigating classified documents found inside of CuTRis' inventing shed. CuTRis denies any knowlege of the documents, and says it is just a smear campaign launched by both conservatives and liberals--to prevent a possible presidential run in 2024.

Book Announced by Joe Emu about CuTRis UAssociated Press August 15, 2021 Today, Joe Emu announced his new tell-all book, about what it was like being locked up only two miles away from where CuTRis was locked up for almost one minute. Emu says he's been locked up for three years and wishes he had thought of playing dead to escape. Joe goes on to say that CuTRis was teaching him to fly during their time being not locked up together.

CuTRis Seen Driving Away from Jail UAssociated Press August 14, 2021 Today, CuTRis was put into jail after he tipped a train over for no good reason. But then, he convinced the guards that he was dead. He escaped when they removed his body from the cell. Then, CuTRis was seen driving away! No further information is available at this time.

CuTRis Escaped from Jail by Playing Dead UAssociated Press August 14, 2021 Today, CuTRis was put into jail after he tipped a train over for no good reason. But then, he convinced the guards that he was dead. He escaped when they removed his body from the cell. No further information is available at this time.

CuTRis Jailed for Tipping Train Over UAssociated Press August 14, 2021 Today, CuTRis was put in jail after he tipped a train over for no good reason.

CuTRis Tips Train Over UAssociated Press August 14, 2021 Today, CuTRis tipped a train over for no good reason.

"Johnson Vaccine" UnAssociated Press March 5, 2021 CuTRis strolled up to the microphone like a man on a mission. "I see no reason that any vaccine needs to be put into anyone's "Johnson!" he exclaimed. It's an absolute outrage! I think any vaccine that can't be put in your arm is..." It was then, that someone whispered something in CuTRis' ear. Suddenly he looked uncomfortable, and said, "Never mind." And with that, the press conference was over...

CuTRis Pushes Storm UnAssociated Press July 24, 2019 Reports early today indicate that CuTRis may have pushed a storm that was moving into the Twin Cities . The storm is now planning to sue CuTRis for unlawfully preventing it from randomly destroying property. There is a protest planned for later today at the state capitol. When CuTRis was asked about the allegations against him, he pushed a TV camera and disappeared down a storm drain. No further information is available about the storm, the lawsuit or CuTRis at this time.

Juan Epstein (Welcome Back Kotter) Oops! Wrong Epstein...

When Donald Trump was asked if Joe Biden should be disqualified from the Presidency based on sexual harassment allegations, Trump replied, "Probably yes. Sleepy Joe hasn't had nearly as many women as I have."

CuTRis Paid a Lot of Money to Go to College UnAssociated Press March 13, 2019 Amidst the Hollywood Actors College Admission Cheating Scandal , news came out today that CuTRis had to pay for his own University of Minnesota education and was unable to get any financial assistance. In order to do this, he worked full-time in the horticulture/landscape industry while taking part-time classes. Since that time, the University of Minnesota changed the rules so part-time students could never move up in the registration queue—effectively destroying the option of working your way through school (unless you are a full-time student). People everywhere are shocked... and stunned that CuTRis would do such a scandalous thing in order to get his degree from a state university.

CuTRis Pays 'Hush Money' to Trump UnAssociated Press December 14, 2018 President Donald Trump 's former attorney Michael Cohen while responding to Trump's attacks following his sentencing, said that CuTRis offered hush money to Trump just yesterday! When questioned about this, CuTRis admitted that he had offered President Trump $5 if he would just shut-up. CuTRis also said it was a very bad investment; because though he took the money, Trump has not yet stopped talking, tweeting or boasting about his alleged superhero powers.

http://myfox8.com/2015/07/08/tom-selleck-accused-of-stealing-water-for-california-ranch/

CuTRis Announces that He is Straight UnAssociated Press July 1, 2015 In a bold move today, CuTRis came out of the front door of his house and in front of what can only be described as a crap-load of reporters, he announced that he is straight . He said that in fact, he has always been a heterosexual . "There is nothing wrong with me," said CuTRis vehemently. "I just prefer the opposite sex. Hopefully, people will still treat me like any other person—even though it is now so trendy and politically correct to be gay . As hard as it was for me to admit that I am 100% straight, I can only imagine how difficult it is, for all of the teenagers who have to break the news to their parents—that they, too, are straight. Please be kind people. We have come so far!" Then CuTRis went back through the front door and reporters were left in a stunned silence.

CuTRis Kicked Out of Bakery for Roll-Playing UnAssociated Press April 23, 2015 In the most recent of many scandal s involving CuTRis , he was told to leave a bakery in Tokyo, Montana . Apparently CuTRis was asked about role-playing in response to speculation that ( he may again run for president ). CuTRis began playing with some rolls ; apparently misunderstanding the question which precipitated the request from the bakery's manager.

CuTRis Takes 4 Minutes UnAssociated Press March 12, 2015 In the latest scandal involving CuTRis , he allegedly took 4 minutes to make a call on a 3-minute telephone . No other information exists at this time and CuTRis has not (yet) been arrested .

CuTRis Threatens Sign Stealer UnAssociated Press August 6, 2014 In the most recent scandal involving CuTRis , he has been accused of threatening to shoot a man who was removing a gun control sign from his yard. Apparently CuTRis threatened to shoot the man for stealing the sign. Thinking that CuTRis meant to shoot him with a gun, the perpetrator ran to police who intervened on his behalf. By this time, CuTRis , was holding his slingshot , and was apprehended without incident. Fearing for his safety, the unnamed sign stealer declined to press charges after seeing YouTube video of CuTRis using his slingshot to shoot a rock through a playing card that was tossed into the air inside of an Old West saloon back in 1867. This apparently was accomplished some time ago... or in the future; when CuTRis was involved in time travel . CuTRis was not available for comment after the incident.

CuTRis Steals 1 Billion Dollar Aid Package UnAssociated Press March 5, 2014 CuTRis is back in the news for his most recent scandal which involves him stealing the one million dollar aid package for the Ukraine ! Apparently CuTRis found the package in John Kerry 's hotel room. CuTRis allegedly ran off with it shouting that he was going to fix education, feed hungry people, stop animal cruelty, help the environment and save his nephew Mason --which are all things (according to CuTRis ) that can be done right here in the USA! Government officials have put out a call for the arrest of CuTRis so that the money can be given away to strangers overseas. CuTRis ' whereabouts are unknown at this time.