We took our son to Sea Life Minnesota for his birthday.
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Seriously? 59 Servings?
Seriously? 59 servings? You couldn't throw another spoon in and make it 60???
Friday, December 20, 2013
Draw Breeze
Thursday, December 19, 2013
CuTRis Decides to let Authorities Pound Data Thieves
CuTRis Decides to let Authorities Pound Data Thieves
UnAssociated Press
December 19, 2013
After learning that the thieves who stole credit card data, from 40 million Target shoppers could be dangerous, CuTRis has vowed to let the authorities pound the thieves.
UnAssociated Press
December 19, 2013
After learning that the thieves who stole credit card data, from 40 million Target shoppers could be dangerous, CuTRis has vowed to let the authorities pound the thieves.
CuTRis Vows to Pound Target Data Thieves
CuTRis Vows to Pound Target Data Thieves
UnAssociated Press
December 19, 2013
After learning that his credit card data, along with 40 million others may have been stolen while shopping at Target, CuTRis vowed to pound the thieves for such a dastardly crime! CuTRis went on to clarify, that he would deliver the beatings personally unless the thieves were big... or if they carried guns or weapons or if they were "like really tough or something."
UnAssociated Press
December 19, 2013
After learning that his credit card data, along with 40 million others may have been stolen while shopping at Target, CuTRis vowed to pound the thieves for such a dastardly crime! CuTRis went on to clarify, that he would deliver the beatings personally unless the thieves were big... or if they carried guns or weapons or if they were "like really tough or something."
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Jam!
The band hadn't gotten together for a couple of weeks... um... about a month and last evening we jammed. It was great fun--even though Dave broke a string!
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Monday, December 16, 2013
Pandora Bracelet
I just love my Pandora Bracelet! With its gaudy colors and overall "bigness," it is the "perfect" gift this Holiday Season!
How To Make the Vikings Win!
In order to get the Minnesota Vikings to win, you first should get rid of the first-string and replace them with the second and third string players. That way you can have a team that can beat another team that is supposed to be better.
Friday, December 13, 2013
CuTRis Seen Using Fake Sign Language
CuTRis Seen Using Fake Sign Language
UnAssociated Press
December 13, 2013
CuTRis was recently sighted at a funeral for some guy from Passaic, using fake sign language. "This was extremely embarrassing," said some guy at the funeral who had come for the free lunch. "I just can't believe someone would do something like that!" He commented between mouthfuls. CuTRis was unavailable for comment.
UnAssociated Press
December 13, 2013
CuTRis was recently sighted at a funeral for some guy from Passaic, using fake sign language. "This was extremely embarrassing," said some guy at the funeral who had come for the free lunch. "I just can't believe someone would do something like that!" He commented between mouthfuls. CuTRis was unavailable for comment.
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| Meaning: I have an invisible basketball. |
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| Meaning: I can see you but you can't see me. |
Thursday, December 12, 2013
CuTRis Safe: Victim of Slow RDP Connection
CuTRis Safe: Victim of Slow RDP Connection
UnAssociated Press
December 12, 2013
News today confirms that CuTRis is safe and was never lost in Colorado. Apparently he was the victim of a very slow RDP connection. CuTRis seemed unaware of the massive search that had been going on for him and said that in fact, he was nowhere near Colorado—though he had been working on a server in another state which was amazingly slow. The remote connection had interfered with his email connection and essentially he was lost to the outside world for quite some time. CuTRis said he was able to survive the ordeal by eating snacks from his desk drawer and drinking tea. When asked if he was reluctant to remote into another distant SQL server, CuTRis said he was ready to deploy as needed.
UnAssociated Press
December 12, 2013
News today confirms that CuTRis is safe and was never lost in Colorado. Apparently he was the victim of a very slow RDP connection. CuTRis seemed unaware of the massive search that had been going on for him and said that in fact, he was nowhere near Colorado—though he had been working on a server in another state which was amazingly slow. The remote connection had interfered with his email connection and essentially he was lost to the outside world for quite some time. CuTRis said he was able to survive the ordeal by eating snacks from his desk drawer and drinking tea. When asked if he was reluctant to remote into another distant SQL server, CuTRis said he was ready to deploy as needed.
Aerial Search Continues for CuTRis
Aerial Search Continues for CuTRis
UnAssociated Press
December 12, 2013
CuTRis has still not been found. Video from a search helicopter shows the rough terrain over which the search is taking place.
UnAssociated Press
December 12, 2013
CuTRis has still not been found. Video from a search helicopter shows the rough terrain over which the search is taking place.
CuTRis May Be Lost in Wilderness
CuTRis May Be Lost in Wilderness
UnAssociated Press
December 12, 2013
CuTRis is assumed to be lost somewhere in the Rocky Mountains. Not much is known except that he is thought to be Northwest of Gunnison, Colorado.
UnAssociated Press
December 12, 2013
CuTRis is assumed to be lost somewhere in the Rocky Mountains. Not much is known except that he is thought to be Northwest of Gunnison, Colorado.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Jacqueline Upturd
Jacqueline Upturd was a nobody really. She had connections through her mother who had also been a nobody—until she was cast on a TV sitcom in the ‘60’s. Through those connections Jacqueline had become a writer. Now she fancied herself a celebrity and she liked to use social media to tweet out her sarcastic and conceited views.
Many people seemed to think that Jacqueline was very beautiful. That was probably due to her gigantic teeth; which gave her quite a unique smile. The smile that so inspired her fans, looked similar to how a constipated horse might look just prior to a massive bowel movement.
Jacqueline Upturd loved herself more than she could ever love anyone else—which could be why she had decided never to get married. On the other hand, she was just plain ill-tempered—so maybe no one had ever asked her.
Driving in her vintage 1970, Chevy Caprice, she liked to crane her neck—and scowl at people who looked like they were happy or in love. Sometimes she envisioned running them over with her car—confident that her assumed notoriety would protect her from any legal repercussions. But then, she would return home to her one true friend; a small dog that could be carried around like a baby.
Such was the life of Jacqueline Upturd. She had her legions of fans who were equally unhappy and mean-spirited. But she was never quite able to get what she really wanted out of life. Indeed she did exactly the wrong thing to get what she wanted the most. But then, she thought that happiness was found by belittling others. Perhaps it was an Upturd trait that was handed down through the family like a pair of old and dirty socks. They should get thrown in the dust bin—but they were just so comfortable even with the holes.
Alas… such a pity about poor Jacqueline! How sad to be a downtrodden Upturd—and not even realize it! But then the lesson for all is, when things come too easy, the recipient fails to learn that others who have to work harder than they do are just as important as they are.
—KJC
The characters in this story are fictitious and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
Many people seemed to think that Jacqueline was very beautiful. That was probably due to her gigantic teeth; which gave her quite a unique smile. The smile that so inspired her fans, looked similar to how a constipated horse might look just prior to a massive bowel movement.
Jacqueline Upturd loved herself more than she could ever love anyone else—which could be why she had decided never to get married. On the other hand, she was just plain ill-tempered—so maybe no one had ever asked her.
Driving in her vintage 1970, Chevy Caprice, she liked to crane her neck—and scowl at people who looked like they were happy or in love. Sometimes she envisioned running them over with her car—confident that her assumed notoriety would protect her from any legal repercussions. But then, she would return home to her one true friend; a small dog that could be carried around like a baby.
Such was the life of Jacqueline Upturd. She had her legions of fans who were equally unhappy and mean-spirited. But she was never quite able to get what she really wanted out of life. Indeed she did exactly the wrong thing to get what she wanted the most. But then, she thought that happiness was found by belittling others. Perhaps it was an Upturd trait that was handed down through the family like a pair of old and dirty socks. They should get thrown in the dust bin—but they were just so comfortable even with the holes.
Alas… such a pity about poor Jacqueline! How sad to be a downtrodden Upturd—and not even realize it! But then the lesson for all is, when things come too easy, the recipient fails to learn that others who have to work harder than they do are just as important as they are.
—KJC
The characters in this story are fictitious and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
Homeless at -7 Degrees
I saw the homeless man I wrote about last week again this morning. This time it was -7 Fahrenheit (-21.67 Celsius). He was moving slightly under his blankets. I saw him the other day after the snow. He was out in about 3 degrees shoveling the sidewalk in front of the businesses on Rice Street where he lives. This is no ordinary street bum.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Monday, December 09, 2013
Every 7th Coffee Free
Saturday was the 7th of December and this sign says that coffee is free on every 7th!
Well guess what? They don't actually give you free coffee on the 7th!!! What you ask??? No! Apparently, you have to buy 6 coffees and then they will give you a free one...
Friday, December 06, 2013
Twin Cities Reptiles
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The store is now in St. Paul and I visited there recently with my wife and son—because my boy likes to "go see animals!"
Thursday, December 05, 2013
US Bank = Unbelievably Slow
I went to deposit some money in my son's bank account. I now know what the US in US Bank stands for; Unbelievably Slow! But in their defence, they have a guy who stands around and says "hi" to you. I don't see that he does much else and another teller would be preferable.
Homeless at 8 Degrees
This morning after I dropped my son off at his grandparents' house, I drove down the icy road to Rice Street where sure enough, the man who lives on the sidewalk by the hardware store, was wrapped up in blankets like a mummy. He was lying on the sidewalk next to a shopping cart heaped full of his belongings. It was 8 degrees Fahrenheit (-13.33 Celsius).
Ten years ago I had the experience of working in social services with drug addicts and I became familiar with the tragedy of poverty and addiction. One thing I learned from the men who often slept outside in our frigid Minnesota winters, is that most of them no longer have toes. It's not something you would think about or probably know if you sleep in a bed in a house.
These are not aliens from another world, they are people like us. They have problems, often mental illness and often they self-medicate and abuse alcohol and drugs and even substances that no one would normally ingest or inject—all to make it through the next hour. There is no thought about tomorrow or next year. How could there be?
Now, ten years later, I suspect most of the men I knew in or out (or in and out) of the program are probably dead. But on the street, there was a man this morning in 8 degree weather who made me remember. God bless him.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9HWQm5w9Dw
Ten years ago I had the experience of working in social services with drug addicts and I became familiar with the tragedy of poverty and addiction. One thing I learned from the men who often slept outside in our frigid Minnesota winters, is that most of them no longer have toes. It's not something you would think about or probably know if you sleep in a bed in a house.
These are not aliens from another world, they are people like us. They have problems, often mental illness and often they self-medicate and abuse alcohol and drugs and even substances that no one would normally ingest or inject—all to make it through the next hour. There is no thought about tomorrow or next year. How could there be?
Now, ten years later, I suspect most of the men I knew in or out (or in and out) of the program are probably dead. But on the street, there was a man this morning in 8 degree weather who made me remember. God bless him.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9HWQm5w9Dw
Wednesday, December 04, 2013
Dear Santa
Dear Santa,
I would like an F-35 Lightning II for Christmas. Please make sure it is fully loaded and ready to go.
Thanks Santa!
Kevin
Tuesday, December 03, 2013
Tech Support - Limited Service
I’m talking to a tech from a large client that hosts and manages their own version of our product.
He is having much difficulty and I spend way too much time with him—in spite of the fact that they have no service contract.
I say I will need to defer the situation to my supervisor since I have spent a lot of time and they have “limited service.”
He doesn’t like that.
He tells me that if he buys a muffler for his car and it doesn’t work right he can go back to the place where he got it and they will fix it (i.e. I should do that too).
I tell him that what he said is true—unless he installs the muffler himself (which is essentially what he has done with our product).
Then I defer to my boss for further instructions.
He is having much difficulty and I spend way too much time with him—in spite of the fact that they have no service contract.
I say I will need to defer the situation to my supervisor since I have spent a lot of time and they have “limited service.”
He doesn’t like that.
He tells me that if he buys a muffler for his car and it doesn’t work right he can go back to the place where he got it and they will fix it (i.e. I should do that too).
I tell him that what he said is true—unless he installs the muffler himself (which is essentially what he has done with our product).
Then I defer to my boss for further instructions.
Photograph This
For some time now, I’ve been wondering why people still use professional photographers. Certainly most of them probably do a good job, but with the current technology it seems that taking a quality picture is easier than ever. That said, there are still a lot of people who for some reason can’t take good pictures. Maybe in this case there is a need to pay someone to do it for you.
I don’t have expensive or fancy camera equipment and I don’t think that using a $900 camera will insure that you get good results. For me, it is all about capturing the moment—which necessitates my having a small camera that is easy to carry. When my son was born we declined the services of a professional photographer at the hospital—yet we have some amazing photographs. Among my favorites is one of our newborn baby sleeping in the sunshine from a window. In this picture he looks like an angel and no props or artificial lighting could have made it any better—or as good.
This summer I attended an event that seemed to be dominated by an insatiable need to document every last second with professional photos. While it was obviously a look-at-me situation, I found it a bit much. But in this age of Facebook, people like to show how great their lives are to everyone they know or perhaps even to everyone in the whole world.
After more recently experiencing a change in my own daily schedule precipitated by someone else’s need to have their likeness captured by a professional photographer, I have to wonder if these staged shots are a true representation of how happy and well-adjusted they are? Could the desire for happiness fuel the need to pose for a photo depicting said happiness? Maybe that is something to ponder… or maybe not.
I don’t have expensive or fancy camera equipment and I don’t think that using a $900 camera will insure that you get good results. For me, it is all about capturing the moment—which necessitates my having a small camera that is easy to carry. When my son was born we declined the services of a professional photographer at the hospital—yet we have some amazing photographs. Among my favorites is one of our newborn baby sleeping in the sunshine from a window. In this picture he looks like an angel and no props or artificial lighting could have made it any better—or as good.
This summer I attended an event that seemed to be dominated by an insatiable need to document every last second with professional photos. While it was obviously a look-at-me situation, I found it a bit much. But in this age of Facebook, people like to show how great their lives are to everyone they know or perhaps even to everyone in the whole world.
After more recently experiencing a change in my own daily schedule precipitated by someone else’s need to have their likeness captured by a professional photographer, I have to wonder if these staged shots are a true representation of how happy and well-adjusted they are? Could the desire for happiness fuel the need to pose for a photo depicting said happiness? Maybe that is something to ponder… or maybe not.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Want To Get Rich Writing Books?
Get this... Createspace (where I make my paperback books) is an Amazon company. But somehow, Amazon is selling the book(s) cheaper than Createspace is. If people buy through Amazon (and why shouldn't they?), I get next-to-nothing for a royalty--where if they buy it from Createspace (and pay more), I get much more.
I believe the "machine" is designed to make money. Unfortunately it is also designed so that I (the author) don't make any.
Thank you Amazon for selling my books.
Thanks a lot Amazon, for making sure I don't make any money from book sales.
Just an FYI -- between fees, minimum amounts and creative pricing/royalty policies, I have yet to be paid for any of my book sales. But to be fair, if I ever sell millions of copies, some of that money will eventually trickle down to me!
It's a good thing that I'm not in it for the money!
-KJC
I believe the "machine" is designed to make money. Unfortunately it is also designed so that I (the author) don't make any.
Thank you Amazon for selling my books.
Thanks a lot Amazon, for making sure I don't make any money from book sales.
Just an FYI -- between fees, minimum amounts and creative pricing/royalty policies, I have yet to be paid for any of my book sales. But to be fair, if I ever sell millions of copies, some of that money will eventually trickle down to me!
It's a good thing that I'm not in it for the money!
-KJC
Thanks for Book Orders!
Grayson's Adventure (also on Amazon) is on track to outsell all my other books! I have plans to write more children's stories in the future.
Monday, November 25, 2013
CuTRis Tops Miley in Bizarre AMA Perfomance
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| CuTRis Sings, "Fixing Sock" |
CuTRis has topped Miley Cyrus for bizarre perfomances at the American Music Awards. CuTRis sang his hit, "Fixing Sock" while a giant animated dog was behind him.
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| Miley Cyrus Sings, "Wrecking Ball" |
A Mighty Sailing Man?
I liked the show when I was a kid and I still do now--but there is something I don't understand. When was Gilligan ever a "mighty sailing man?"
Friday, November 22, 2013
The Hungry Games
By Kevin J. Curtis
Synopsis
Kevin, Larry and Dave are all working at their computers; miles away from each other. Each one is getting hungrier as the morning goes on!
Luckily, they have snacks in their desk drawers! In a fight to the life, each one must compete against their own hunger to survive! Yes, it doesn't get any more exciting than this! Watch as Larry downs a handful of Craisins! See Kevin eat several Triscuits! Watch as Dave... where is Dave? Huh? Oh... OK... I guess Dave went out for a smoke... The Hungry Games will have you on the edge of your seat!
Synopsis
Kevin, Larry and Dave are all working at their computers; miles away from each other. Each one is getting hungrier as the morning goes on!
Luckily, they have snacks in their desk drawers! In a fight to the life, each one must compete against their own hunger to survive! Yes, it doesn't get any more exciting than this! Watch as Larry downs a handful of Craisins! See Kevin eat several Triscuits! Watch as Dave... where is Dave? Huh? Oh... OK... I guess Dave went out for a smoke... The Hungry Games will have you on the edge of your seat!
Hunger Games
I can't deny the popularity of The Hunger Games, but then I don't understand why people like vampire stories or Rap music either. But seriously... if there really was a Hunger Games contest, what would the winner really look like?
Has anyone made a spoof of the Hunger Games?
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| Not Realistic |
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| More Likely |
Has anyone made a spoof of the Hunger Games?
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Rat Bastard Meat Company
By Kevin J. Curtis
Fuctor Ramirez Arguayo Johnson was a happy man with no maladjustments—except for his insane, irrational fear of butterflies. The fear developed when Fuctor was a mere child; after his cousin Hector was killed by a rabid butterfly on the fourth of July. It was a gruesome scene. There were ninety-seven butterfly fang marks in Hector’s body when they found him.
Married to his sister’s cousin at the age of seventeen, Fuctor became a father by the time he was sixteen years old. After people had been telling him that he should become a doctor for the last twenty years, at the age of nineteen, Fuctor ran away with the circus to become a chicken tamer.
That was when disaster struck. Fuctor fell into the company of renowned, master chicken wranglers, Kent, David and Tommy. The three were known for their bravery around farm animals; and they abhorred the use of firearms. Egged on by the trio before he was ready to perform, Fuctor was badly gored by a wild chicken before his first circus performance. The dangerous chicken was shot to death with a fifty caliber Browning machine gun. It only took four hundred and sixty-eight rounds to kill it. Feeling dejected, Fuctor returned home with only his chicken scars for his efforts.
To facilitate rehabilitation, Fuctor began an exercise program that included lifting heavy soup cans over his head for sixteen hours each day. This eventually led him to believe, that perhaps he could become a supermarket stock boy. After applying at the local Hooligan’s Supermarket, Fuctor soon showed that he was the best supermarket stocker on the planet—and he actually won several interplanetary contests for stocking shelves. But alas, soon he developed Car-pool tunnel syndrome—not from working with his hands, but from driving in too many carpools in order to get to work on time.
As luck would have it, Fuctor and his wife decided to invest their entire lifesavings into a rat factory. There they produced and sold rats for consumption to third-world countries. Soon, under the label of Rat Bastard Enterprises, Fuctor, his wife and their sixteen children, became wealthy hundredaires. Then they all lived happily ever after.
Fuctor Ramirez Arguayo Johnson was a happy man with no maladjustments—except for his insane, irrational fear of butterflies. The fear developed when Fuctor was a mere child; after his cousin Hector was killed by a rabid butterfly on the fourth of July. It was a gruesome scene. There were ninety-seven butterfly fang marks in Hector’s body when they found him.
Married to his sister’s cousin at the age of seventeen, Fuctor became a father by the time he was sixteen years old. After people had been telling him that he should become a doctor for the last twenty years, at the age of nineteen, Fuctor ran away with the circus to become a chicken tamer.
That was when disaster struck. Fuctor fell into the company of renowned, master chicken wranglers, Kent, David and Tommy. The three were known for their bravery around farm animals; and they abhorred the use of firearms. Egged on by the trio before he was ready to perform, Fuctor was badly gored by a wild chicken before his first circus performance. The dangerous chicken was shot to death with a fifty caliber Browning machine gun. It only took four hundred and sixty-eight rounds to kill it. Feeling dejected, Fuctor returned home with only his chicken scars for his efforts.
To facilitate rehabilitation, Fuctor began an exercise program that included lifting heavy soup cans over his head for sixteen hours each day. This eventually led him to believe, that perhaps he could become a supermarket stock boy. After applying at the local Hooligan’s Supermarket, Fuctor soon showed that he was the best supermarket stocker on the planet—and he actually won several interplanetary contests for stocking shelves. But alas, soon he developed Car-pool tunnel syndrome—not from working with his hands, but from driving in too many carpools in order to get to work on time.
As luck would have it, Fuctor and his wife decided to invest their entire lifesavings into a rat factory. There they produced and sold rats for consumption to third-world countries. Soon, under the label of Rat Bastard Enterprises, Fuctor, his wife and their sixteen children, became wealthy hundredaires. Then they all lived happily ever after.
Pedestrians Taking Chances
As it gets darker for more of the day I have noticed black forms--barely distinguishable running across the roadways. Pedestrians are literally risking their lives by running in front of moving vehicles. A significant number of people are killed in these accidents each year--which could be avoided if more care was taken.
Yesterday I returned from the grocery store as it was growing dark when five people ran across a busy intersection in front of my car and lots of other traffic behind me. We in the cars had the green light and had been waiting to go. Now, a mass of traffic nearly bumped together and inched forward as more and more stupid people ran across the road to board a bus on the other side. It would be unbelievable--except I know how ridiculously dumb some people can be sometimes.
Yesterday I returned from the grocery store as it was growing dark when five people ran across a busy intersection in front of my car and lots of other traffic behind me. We in the cars had the green light and had been waiting to go. Now, a mass of traffic nearly bumped together and inched forward as more and more stupid people ran across the road to board a bus on the other side. It would be unbelievable--except I know how ridiculously dumb some people can be sometimes.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Grayson's Adventure! - Preview
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| Click picture to enlarge - click "back" to go back. https://www.createspace.com/4526504 Also on Amazon |
George Zimmerman May Have A Problem
George Zimmerman is in trouble for pointing a gun at someone... AGAIN!
NOW... he is not supposed to have guns. Wow! Did it take a scientist to finally figure this out? Some people shouldn't be allowed to have guns because they might use them when they lose their trigger happy tempers!!!
NOW... he is not supposed to have guns. Wow! Did it take a scientist to finally figure this out? Some people shouldn't be allowed to have guns because they might use them when they lose their trigger happy tempers!!!
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Christmas Present for Toddlers
Grayson's Adventure! is a story that I wrote for my son. If you have a toddler who likes books, you may want to take a look at this book that is just in time for Christmas! Click on the title to see more.
While looking for something to do, Grayson shrinks down to the size of an ant! To get home he needs to count to ten and recite the alphabet!
While looking for something to do, Grayson shrinks down to the size of an ant! To get home he needs to count to ten and recite the alphabet!
Monday, November 18, 2013
Friday, November 15, 2013
Children's Book
I'm working on a children's book for my son for a Chistmas present. It will be available soon for $5.50 in paperback.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Roman Yogurt Defeats Greek Yogurt
Roman Yogurt Defeats Greek Yogurt
UnAssociated Press
November 14, 2013
In a violent taste test today, Roman Yogurt has defeated Greek Yogurt in an all-out battle of the taste buds. Just how this will affect yogurt snobs around the globe is yet unknown. The UnAssociated Press asked Yogurt from Star Wars for a comment on the battle and he said,
"Dumb you are for thinking my name is Yogurt!"
UnAssociated Press
November 14, 2013
In a violent taste test today, Roman Yogurt has defeated Greek Yogurt in an all-out battle of the taste buds. Just how this will affect yogurt snobs around the globe is yet unknown. The UnAssociated Press asked Yogurt from Star Wars for a comment on the battle and he said,
"Dumb you are for thinking my name is Yogurt!"
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Doobie Brothers Trivia
If you do an Internet search for, "the guy who ruined the Doobie Brothers," you will find information about Michael McDonald.
Sorry Mike, but it is true...
Sorry Mike, but it is true...
Monday, November 11, 2013
Borg Making Cars Now
Friday, November 08, 2013
Incognito in the NFL
Isn't it ironic that a guy named, "Incognito" is creating so much attention for harassment?
From what I understand, it is hard to be Incognito in the NFL right now...
From what I understand, it is hard to be Incognito in the NFL right now...
Pigs Seen Flying Over Frozen Hell
Pigs Seen Flying Over Frozen Hell
UnAssociated Press
November 8, 2013
The UnAssociated Press has learned that pigs were seen flying over a frozen Hell this morning! In other news, the Vikings won their game against the Washington Red Skins!
UnAssociated Press
November 8, 2013
The UnAssociated Press has learned that pigs were seen flying over a frozen Hell this morning! In other news, the Vikings won their game against the Washington Red Skins!
Thursday, November 07, 2013
Stupid
CuTRis got really Hungary, So he used a Ukraine to lift a giant Canada beans. Because he had no can opener, he dropped the can from the Ukraine and it bounced to the Netherlands. It rolled into the ocean and washed up on England. A car driving on the left side of the road swerved--it's horn sounding "Aruba!" CuTRis was really hungry so he ate some Chile.
Frustrated, he threw an Estonia into the ocean and thought about the chocolate Malta he had yesterday with that Turkey sandwich. He got himself a glass of water with Iceland. He Kuwait until dinner!
Wednesday, November 06, 2013
How to Trap Larry
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| Homemade Larry Trap |
Trapping Larry can be an enjoyable hobby for people of all ages! Here is a simple and humane trap that I designed to catch my former coworker Larry. By using a recycling bucket balanced on a pen, I've attached a string to the pen so I can pull the pen away and drop the bucket on Larry when he goes to get the Craisins. If you have lots of Craisins, you can keep letting Larry go after you catch him and do this everyday!
Tuesday, November 05, 2013
CuTRis Discovers Ancient Artifacts
CuTRis Discovers Ancient ArtifactsUnAssociated Press
November 5, 2013
Renowned explorer, CuTRis has discovered some amazing ancient artifacts. Apparently CuTRis found these artifacts along some railroad tracks. The full implications of this new discovery are not yet known--though CuTRis said he believes it will be historic!
Renowned explorer, CuTRis has discovered some amazing ancient artifacts. Apparently CuTRis found these artifacts along some railroad tracks. The full implications of this new discovery are not yet known--though CuTRis said he believes it will be historic!
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| CuTRis believes this to be a body ornament of some kind--possibly a nose piercing. |
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| CuTRis says this device was likely used by hunters and attached to prey to slow it down. |
To DJ's & Radio Stations
To all Disc Jockey's and radio stations,
I like nothing more than to hear some dumbass talk incessantly about nothing even remotely important during both the beginnings and endings of songs. It is not at all annoying when you do that--so keep up the good work.
Thanks,
Kevin
I like nothing more than to hear some dumbass talk incessantly about nothing even remotely important during both the beginnings and endings of songs. It is not at all annoying when you do that--so keep up the good work.
Thanks,
Kevin
Monday, November 04, 2013
CuTRis Injured Before Game: Unable To Play
CuTRis Injured Before Game: Unable To Play
UnAssociated Press
November 4, 2013
Star quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings, CuTRis, was injured prior to the game on Sunday with the Dallas Cowboys. Apparently as CuTRis was "suiting up," he was accidentally trodden on by 343 lb. teammate, Phil Loadholt. CuTRis was unable to stand under his own power for seven hours--and by then the game was over and the Vikings had already lost.
Currently the team has no plan to sign CuTRis for another game--citing "durability" as the primary reason.
UnAssociated Press
November 4, 2013
Star quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings, CuTRis, was injured prior to the game on Sunday with the Dallas Cowboys. Apparently as CuTRis was "suiting up," he was accidentally trodden on by 343 lb. teammate, Phil Loadholt. CuTRis was unable to stand under his own power for seven hours--and by then the game was over and the Vikings had already lost.
Currently the team has no plan to sign CuTRis for another game--citing "durability" as the primary reason.
Friday, November 01, 2013
Nice to See Agreement!
It seems that much lip service is given to how the different cultures don't agree on many things, so I wanted to point out that sometimes they do!
Some of our newer immigrants and minority groups may have different customs, religious beliefs, etc., but after giving out candy for Halloween last evening, I can see that
there seems to be an agreement that ringing someone's doorbell (3 or 7 times) and receiving free candy is agreed on by nearly everyone!
Some of the people were older teens and perhaps even adults--many without costumes! Yet all of them were happy to come to my house and ask for candy. Halloween certainly has a way of
bringing us all together! In fact, some of the older teens enjoyed the experience so much that they would shift position and then complain that they had not yet received any candy; when of course they had.
So trick-or-treating isn't just for the little kids as I once thought. It is for grown-up or nearly grown-up people too! I will have to tell my nephew--who just started Jr. High. He thinks he is too old now and just walks his
younger siblings around to trick-or-treat. There were "kids" twice his age with no costumes out doing it. They all had giant bags or pillow cases filled. I'm pretty sure I heard one of the older kids demand candy from a younger one, so there is
also a spirit of sharing! Well with all of this good natured camaraderie, I ran out of candy quickly! I was unable to continue and had to turn the lights off "and hide," as the neighborhood swarmed with people--most of whom I had never seen before.
So next time you are frustrated by someone, remember Halloween. It's one holiday everyone seems to agree on.
CuTRis Criticized for being Critical
CuTRis Criticized for being Critical
UnAssociated Press
November 1, 2013
CuTRis was criticized today, for being critical, by a critically acclaimed critic. When asked about it, CuTRis said that "no one likes to receive criticism, but sometimes it is necessary--especially if it is over something critical." No one knew what this meant, so CuTRis wrote a critique for the UnAssociated Press--calling them a bunch of "critical ass-wipes." This in turn led to CuTRis being criticized, for being critical--by yet another critically acclaimed critic.
UnAssociated Press
November 1, 2013
CuTRis was criticized today, for being critical, by a critically acclaimed critic. When asked about it, CuTRis said that "no one likes to receive criticism, but sometimes it is necessary--especially if it is over something critical." No one knew what this meant, so CuTRis wrote a critique for the UnAssociated Press--calling them a bunch of "critical ass-wipes." This in turn led to CuTRis being criticized, for being critical--by yet another critically acclaimed critic.
Thursday, October 31, 2013
CuTRis Looks Good After Football Practice
CuTRis Looks Good After Football PracticeUnAssociated Press
October 31, 2013
 |
| CuTRis is Ready |
After only one practice with the Minnesota Vikings, new quarterback CuTRis says he is ready! "The team seems optimistic," said CuTRis, "and today's practice felt good! I think I'm ready for Sunday."
Happy Halloween!
On this Halloween I'd like to wish everyone a fun and safe holiday.
For anyone who chooses to use this day for evil, I challenge you to use your creative mind to put yourself or someone you love in the scenario you are plotting.
If you cannot because you have never loved anyone or anything, then you are already worse off than everyone else.
So be nice, have fun and make someone smile today!
For anyone who chooses to use this day for evil, I challenge you to use your creative mind to put yourself or someone you love in the scenario you are plotting.
If you cannot because you have never loved anyone or anything, then you are already worse off than everyone else.
So be nice, have fun and make someone smile today!
 |
| A spooky skeleton I found! |
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Vikings Announce New Quarterback
Vikings Announce New Quarterback
UnAssociated Press
October 30, 2013
For those who have wondered whether Josh Freeman, Christian Ponder or Matt Cassel will be playing quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings against the Dallas Cowboys on Sunday, the team has announced that CuTRis has just signed a $14 contract to become the first-string quarterback for the next game!
If CuTRis manages to win against Romo and the Cowboys, he has the option to sign on for another game with a guaranteed $15 paycheck! Can CuTRis turn this team around?
"He played Jr. high school football," said Coach Leslie Frazier, "so we're pretty confident that he is as good as anybody on the roster."
We shall see on Sunday if this is the key to turning this team around... or not...
UnAssociated Press
October 30, 2013
 |
| CuTRis is New Quarterback |
For those who have wondered whether Josh Freeman, Christian Ponder or Matt Cassel will be playing quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings against the Dallas Cowboys on Sunday, the team has announced that CuTRis has just signed a $14 contract to become the first-string quarterback for the next game!
If CuTRis manages to win against Romo and the Cowboys, he has the option to sign on for another game with a guaranteed $15 paycheck! Can CuTRis turn this team around?
"He played Jr. high school football," said Coach Leslie Frazier, "so we're pretty confident that he is as good as anybody on the roster."
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Minnesota Vikings Lose Again
Minnesota Vikings Lose Again
UnAssociated Press
October 29, 2013
The Minnesota Vikings football team has lost again today; in a rare midweek loss. Though there was no game and no opponent, the Vikings still managed to lose in the 4th quarter by a score of 753 to 6.
Several players said they could have played better and coach Frazier said he puts the blame on himself--but all think they can still turn their pathetic season around.
What a great time it is for Vikings owners, to expect the state of Minnesota and fans to pay for their new stadium so that they can make lots more money!
Go Vikings! Your 1-15 season is all but in the bag!
UnAssociated Press
October 29, 2013
The Minnesota Vikings football team has lost again today; in a rare midweek loss. Though there was no game and no opponent, the Vikings still managed to lose in the 4th quarter by a score of 753 to 6.
Several players said they could have played better and coach Frazier said he puts the blame on himself--but all think they can still turn their pathetic season around.
What a great time it is for Vikings owners, to expect the state of Minnesota and fans to pay for their new stadium so that they can make lots more money!
Go Vikings! Your 1-15 season is all but in the bag!
Crash
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| Emergency vehicles weaving through traffic on I94 West |
A bad way to start your morning.
 |
| Bad picture I know but that was a long line of cars smashed together end to end |
Monday, October 28, 2013
CuTRis in Another Scandal
CuTRis in Another Scandal
UnAssociated Press
October 28, 2013
In another of his many scandals, this photo of CuTRis shows that he was yet again, disobeying a sign. When asked about this CuTRis replied that State land is owned by the residents of the state; and therefore he was accessing his own land.
UnAssociated Press
October 28, 2013
In another of his many scandals, this photo of CuTRis shows that he was yet again, disobeying a sign. When asked about this CuTRis replied that State land is owned by the residents of the state; and therefore he was accessing his own land. Just So You Know
I use those signals at the pedestrian crossings and I want to go on
record, that I only push the button once. I know most people
feel that they need to push the button 13 or 14 times and that maybe it will go
faster if you push it 19 times--but I have found that it works fine when you
push it once. Likewise elevators stop on my floor when I push the button for
them once. In fact, working with computers has taught me that pushing buttons
multiple times before the request has been executed can lead to trouble!
Friday, October 25, 2013
CuTRis May Have Been Eaten by Fish
CuTRis May Have Been Eaten by Fish
UnAssociated Press
October 25, 2013
CuTRis was back in the news today with this Police Dash Cam image that was taken while CuTRis was riding on the front of a police cruiser. Why CuTRis was riding on the front of the car is still unknown; but this video clearly shows that a giant, flying Northern Pike is about to eat him! Could this be the end of CuTRis? No one seems to know if CuTRis was eaten or not. The police officer driving the car that CuTRis was on, has been temporarily placed on administrative leave while an investigation is being conducted.
UnAssociated Press
October 25, 2013
CuTRis was back in the news today with this Police Dash Cam image that was taken while CuTRis was riding on the front of a police cruiser. Why CuTRis was riding on the front of the car is still unknown; but this video clearly shows that a giant, flying Northern Pike is about to eat him! Could this be the end of CuTRis? No one seems to know if CuTRis was eaten or not. The police officer driving the car that CuTRis was on, has been temporarily placed on administrative leave while an investigation is being conducted.
 |
| Police Dash Cam Image |
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Destructosfuq
I was always amused by the stories of the larger than life Banditos. There was one in an old Ortega commercial that was really good. Here is one (or part of one) I made up years ago to amuse myself and my friend Dave.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
It Didn't Work...
I just stopped by the bank to cash a $5 check. You still have to go through the whole thing of giving them your account number and then keying in your PIN number--even if it is only for $5. When all of that important stuff was finished, the teller asked me if I just wanted a $5 bill. Quickly I thought of all of the various ways I could get my money--such as two ones, four quarters, ten dimes, nineteen nickles and five pennies! But instead I told her that I would actually like a $20 bill. She said she couldn't give me one so I replied that in that case a $5 bill would be fine. Apparently you can't get a $20 bill if your check is only worth $5. I tried but it didn't work.
CuTRis Failed as Opera Singer
CuTRis Failed as Opera Singer
UnAssociated Press
October 23, 2013
A video surfaced today, of CuTRis singing an Opera excerpt. Some people might recognize the song, but probably not the words. Apparently CuTRis made them up--while auditioning for the Metropolitan Opera. One critic said that CuTRis could be a big star if he only tried. "I sing when I want to," said CuTRis. Some say CuTRis doesn't take his music seriously. When asked about this accusation, CuTRis stuck his tongue out. Needless to say, CuTRis failed the audition when he changed the words of the song--ruining the chance for opera fans everywhere to see him showcase his talents.
UnAssociated Press
October 23, 2013
A video surfaced today, of CuTRis singing an Opera excerpt. Some people might recognize the song, but probably not the words. Apparently CuTRis made them up--while auditioning for the Metropolitan Opera. One critic said that CuTRis could be a big star if he only tried. "I sing when I want to," said CuTRis. Some say CuTRis doesn't take his music seriously. When asked about this accusation, CuTRis stuck his tongue out. Needless to say, CuTRis failed the audition when he changed the words of the song--ruining the chance for opera fans everywhere to see him showcase his talents.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Out on a Limb
I may be going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing that English may be the second language of the person who made this sign...
Monday, October 21, 2013
Mille Lacs Trip
Our first stop on the way up to Lake Mille Lacs was the Milaca Unclaimed Freight store. After that we drove to the Twin Pines Resort for lunch. Aside from the first batch of chicken coming to the table still raw, it was OK. Then we toured the Mille Lacs Indian Museum. We had a nice room at the Garrison Inn and that evening we ate at the The Lonesome Pine Restaurant. The food was good--except for the "garlic pasta" that I had as a side. I thought that a restaurant that had a lot of Italian food might have something more interesting and flavorful than half a cup of spaghetti in olive oil and garlic. It was pretty bad (my son even refused to eat any and he usually likes noodles)--though my Maple-glazed Salmon was good (my son liked it too). The prices were pretty high considering it is in Deerwood, MN--but I must admit that the place was packed on this Thursday night.
The next morning we proceeded to go clockwise around Lake Mill Lacs. We walked along the lakeshore on the north end. Eventually we stopped in Isle to shop and eat. We ate at the Country Corner Cafe because we were told by a shop owner it was the best place around. It was OK, but I'm sorry to hear that it is the best they have.
My apologies if you wanted to hear about fishing. My little boy is a bit young to be out on a big lake like Mille Lacs. Maybe next time...We did save the best for last, however, as we stopped by my old friend Joe's house on the way home. My son really liked Joe, Angie and Kayla. My wife and I were also happy to have had the chance to visit with this wonderful family.
The next morning we proceeded to go clockwise around Lake Mill Lacs. We walked along the lakeshore on the north end. Eventually we stopped in Isle to shop and eat. We ate at the Country Corner Cafe because we were told by a shop owner it was the best place around. It was OK, but I'm sorry to hear that it is the best they have.
My apologies if you wanted to hear about fishing. My little boy is a bit young to be out on a big lake like Mille Lacs. Maybe next time...We did save the best for last, however, as we stopped by my old friend Joe's house on the way home. My son really liked Joe, Angie and Kayla. My wife and I were also happy to have had the chance to visit with this wonderful family.
Friday, October 18, 2013
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Mille Lacs Indian Museum
We went to the Mille Lacs Indian Museum today. As with many paid admission museums, the admission price vs. what you see will probably have you asking, "that's it?" The Four Seasons Room (by tour guide only) was the one outstanding feature and I have included pictures of that room.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
CuTRis Downgrades Credit Ratings of Standard & Poor and Fitch
CuTRis Downgrades Credit Ratings of Standard & Poor and Fitch
UnAssociated Press
October 16, 2013
Early today, CuTRis was seen downgrading the credit ratings of both Standard & Poor's and Fitch. He was changing their scores with a purple crayon. While onlookers thought it was a joke, the stock market has apparently taken CuTRis' scores of F-C+D2 seriously.
UnAssociated Press
October 16, 2013
Early today, CuTRis was seen downgrading the credit ratings of both Standard & Poor's and Fitch. He was changing their scores with a purple crayon. While onlookers thought it was a joke, the stock market has apparently taken CuTRis' scores of F-C+D2 seriously.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Monday, October 14, 2013
Friday, October 11, 2013
Reason for CuTRis Chicken Suit Revealed
Reason for CuTRis Chicken Suit Revealed
UnAssociated Press
October 11, 2013
The reason that CuTRis was wearing a chicken suit was finally revealed today. Apparently while working for a local chicken processing plant, CuTRis was teaching the chickens to die on command. As you can imagine, this would save the plant thousands of dollars and CuTRis claims that if you dress up like a chicken, you can convince poultry to do just about anything! Apparently CuTRis was practicing "being a chicken," when he was captured by animal control. We at the UAP, always knew there was a logical reason for all of this!
UnAssociated Press
October 11, 2013
The reason that CuTRis was wearing a chicken suit was finally revealed today. Apparently while working for a local chicken processing plant, CuTRis was teaching the chickens to die on command. As you can imagine, this would save the plant thousands of dollars and CuTRis claims that if you dress up like a chicken, you can convince poultry to do just about anything! Apparently CuTRis was practicing "being a chicken," when he was captured by animal control. We at the UAP, always knew there was a logical reason for all of this!
CuTRis Escapes from Jail--Leaves Chicken Suit
CuTRis Escapes from Jail--Leaves Chicken Suit
UnAssociated Press
October 11, 2013
CuTRis has apparently escaped from the cage that animal control authorities put him in yesterday after he was caught roosting outside of a feed store while wearing a chicken suit. No explanation has been given for the event--though when CuTRis was asked about it by reporters, he charged them flapping his arms and squawking.
UnAssociated Press
October 11, 2013
CuTRis has apparently escaped from the cage that animal control authorities put him in yesterday after he was caught roosting outside of a feed store while wearing a chicken suit. No explanation has been given for the event--though when CuTRis was asked about it by reporters, he charged them flapping his arms and squawking.
CuTRis in Chicken Suit--Put in Cage!
CuTRis in Chicken Suit--Put in Cage!UnAssociated Press
October 11, 2013
CuTRis was apparently wearing a chicken suit yesterday, and was caught by animal control and placed in a cage. Though CuTRis took the chicken suit off, authorities had still not released him from the cage at the time this story was printed.
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