Classified Document Indicates Cutris is Alive!

United States Central Intelligence Agency
Radio Signal Monitoring Division
November 14, 2008
2:57AM EST

REPORT: RE: Audio Transmission from African Congo thought to be Curtis

… I was saved by my protective suit during the crash-landing…
… My flying saucer is likely a complete loss. How I survived is both a miracle, and a tribute to the fine protective suit I was wearing…
… I assume by the people, animals and plant life, that I am somewhere in West Africa. I have sustained a tiny scratch to my right index finger as a result of the crash. I am otherwise in good health and reasonably good spirits. I am hoping that there are pizzas here. I've always said that if I were a wildman living in the forest, pizza would be my natural food. I'm also hoping to find some beer. I drank my last Leinenkugel's on the flight back to Earth. I'm hoping to make my way on foot to some sort of civilization. I need to find a way back to Minnesota. My wife is probably wondering where I am… (Static)

TRANSMISSION ENDS

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