I am CuTRis

After a "brown" Christmas, and a lack of snow and cold, we got the cold early in February and the snow late the same month. We all remember what winter is supposed to be like now.

Brittney Spears tries to be like CUTRIS February 21, 2007 UnAssociated Press While numerous “talking heads” are trying to figure out what happened to Brittney Spears, inside sources report that her bizarre behavior stems from her jealous desire to be like Cutris. Several years ago, Brittney came into possession of a cassette tape of EFS (Electric Frog Syrup Band) music, which came from Cutris’ (AKA Kevin J. Curtis) band. The tape came from drummer Pete, who gave it to some guy named Jeff, who gave it to several more people until it ended up with Brittney Spears. Brittney heard the tape, which was described as being a “crappy boom-box recording,” and she found herself longing to play/sing real music. When she found out who Cutris was, she soon began imitating him. This jealous rivalry peaked lately, when she decided to cut her hair off so that she could look more like Cutris. “The kids in detention at the school where he works call him ‘The Bald Eagle.’ That’s so cool!!!” said Brittn...

Anna Nicole Smith, we are so sick of hearing about you. She was famous for using sex, (i.e. Playboy, marrying a really old tycoon, etc.) to become rich and famous. It is likely that she overdosed on Methadone (like her son did), which is a powerful drug used to counteract the effects of heroin addiction. I learned about Methadone while working for the Hennepin County Chemical Health Division. Heroin is a short acting drug that mimics brain chemicals. Addicts use it and they get high. Then when they come down, they get sick. Methadone is actually quite powerful and more addictive than heroin. It is used to stabilize heroin addicts. Because it is long acting, a person only needs to dose once per day. A physician monitors the dose so the patient is stabilizing, rather than getting high. In the wrong hands, this drug can be lethal. Even now, there are at least half-a-dozen men claiming to be the father of Smith’s baby. What an embarrassing crowd to be part of! There is also a fight over he...

During the halftime show of Superbowl XLI, Prince played his guitar behind a curtain, producing a silhouette that appeared to look like a two-headed penis. CBS and the NFL were both adamant that this was purely accidental, and Prince does not have a penis, let alone a two-headed one.

People often ask me about animals and nature. Recently I was presented with the question of whether or not a groundhog (or woodchuck, or marmot) can actually predict if there is going to be an early spring or not. My answer is, "probably." That said, why would the groundhog care about telling us? I think they might be inclined to give us "misinformation."

A small balm, possibly a Chapstick, was found on a local street today. Police were called to investigate the balm, and citizens in the area were evacuated for their own protection in case the balm might explode. The bomb squad was dispatched, but upon arrival refused to defuse the balm, because it wasn’t a bomb. Several seconds passed, before local citizen, Cutris arrived on the scene. After pulling a tissue from his pocket, he picked up the balm and deposited it into a nearby trash receptacle, thus saving the day. Cutris was unavailable for comment, as he was heading home to do some baking.

January 24, 2007 President George W. Bush, I listened to your State of the Union Speech last evening. Some of it was what we were waiting for, like alternative energy. Some of it was misinformation, like Iraq. In the end, I regret to tell you that I don’t believe you. Sincerely, Kevin J. Curtis

Today the CEO’s of several major U.S. corporations asked President Bush to implement tougher standards to limit the production of greenhouse gases that may be causing global warming. The President has refused saying voluntary limits are the way to go. What is wrong when the president refuses to help when corporations want to stop pollution???

Presidential Exploratory Committee January 19, 2007 UnAssociated Press Cutris announced today, that he is forming a presidential campaign exploratory committee. It will be called the, Cutris should be President because regular politicians are making stupid decisions that really suck and are making it hard for the average person to get by in our society and it’s time for a major change like putting Cutris in the White House, committee.

Last evening, as did a huge number of other people, I watched as George W. Bush made the case to add approximately 22,000 more American soldiers in Iraq. The speech came sometime after the evening news, where the top story (in the Twin Cities) had been about yet another Minnesota soldier who had just died in Iraq. When the President came on and laid out “his plan,” I began to wonder why he thought he could go against what seems to be a huge majority of U.S. citizens, who want to bring American troops home and get our military out of Iraq? In a “democratic” country, shouldn’t the people have the last word? Does this make our President a president, or a dictator? Does this mean that our leader is no better than the one who was overthrown in Iraq? These are all questions that flew through my mind, as I also wondered if the President had heard of another military conflict called, The Vietnam War. Have you ever known someone who tried to fix something, and the more they tried, the more it ...

I have put a link to Will Steger’s Global Warming 101 on my links list to the right. http://www.globalwarming101.com/ Global Warming is some pretty scary stuff. Personally, I like to think of environmental issues, such as recycling and conservation, as self-serving things. Perhaps we should all think of it that way. It is, after all, the only planet that I am aware of, that we can live on. We ought to take care of it.

For my friend who I tease about this... White Guy Brand White Rice (commercial) Camera follows Cutris walking and talking… “When I was a kid, my mom made rice every day for breakfast. There’s nothing more satisfying than a ball of sticky-rice in the morning.” Cutris stops, camera zooms slowly in, to medium close-up… “When I went to school, the other kids would be eating their peanut butter & jelly sandwiches at lunchtime, but I would have my white rice, that I carried in a bamboo tube around my neck.” Graphic of logo comes into view as Cutris continues… “I learned to make good rice over all those years, and now I want you to be able to enjoy it as much as I do. That’s why you should look for White Guy Brand White Rice at your grocery store.” Camera widens slowly… “Because nobody knows rice like a white guy.” Commercial fades out…

I saw a Gummie Bear™ on the floor at the school today. It was filthy. It lay there, full of dust and dirt and looking like it had been in a fight. Maybe it had! Gummie Bears have sometimes been known to attack! Sure they look innocent… but if you saw the one that I saw today, it would send a chill down your spine. I left it alone, and hurried down the hall away from it… to safety. I wasn’t going to take any chances.

Saddam Hussein died at the end of a rope. He was once proud and cared little for the common people. This may be true of some of our leaders as well. Of course Saddam was deserving of his fate. Yet, I have some difficulty with binding a man and killing him. It touches something deep inside that sees no honor in such a death. Perhaps that was the point. Still, now that he has claimed his martyrdom, it is honor backfired. Dynasties rise and then they fall. Have we accomplished anything wonderful amidst all of the bloodshed and torture? I hope so. It is time for the Iraqis to play their own hand and time for us to stop stacking the deck. May 2007 bring peace.

On December 23rd, me and Dave made a Lager. It will now sit in the "Chumperator" for a couple of months until we bottle it. Most homebrewers don't make lagers, because you need temperatures between 38 and 50 degrees Fahrenheit during fermentation. After the initial, active fermentation, the brew will be moved into a glass carboy for a couple of months before bottling. The "Chumperator," is Dave's invention to keep the cool temperatures needed for a lager. It is a wooden box in his basement with a plastic pipe going outside to provide cool winter air. When the temperature outside gets too cold, Dave uses a sophisticated device to prevent the temperature from becoming too cold. He stuffs a rag into the pipe.

MERRY CHRISTMAS! If you happen to be offended by my wishing you a Merry Christmas , I would like to point out that my constitutional rights offer me the freedom of speech, freedom of the press and freedom of religion. It kind of makes you wonder what the controversy is about doesn't it? If someone wished me a happy Ramadan, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa , I would not be offended. Furthermore if I was, I would not expect that I had the right to make that person change. So, have a very Merry Christmas EVERYBODY! KJC

I was reading in the newspaper about some of the awful things that people do to each other around the world. One story was about a group of Hmong in Laos who had finally decided to surrender to the Communists, after hiding in the jungle for many years. They had been abandoned by the U.S. after the Vietnam War. Their fate was questionable when they were rounded up by soldiers and driven away in trucks. Most of them were reported to be women and children. Another story led off with a picture of a young Palestinian girl in tears. I found it heart-wrenching. It leaves me with the question, how can people hate so much that the tears of a child no longer affect them?

Bipartisan Commission on Iraq vs. President Bush December 12, 2006 UnAssociated Press On December 6, a bipartisan commission produced a report that said the situation in Iraq, is “grave and deteriorating,” and the United States’ ability “to influence events within Iraq is diminishing.” This came as the death toll for U.S. troops is nearing the 3,000 mark, troops from other countries, private contractors, journalists and thousands of Iraqis have died. Bush thanked the commission for its work and said that their input would be valuable as he reassessed the “sit-chee-ation.” Then the President announced that he would push for an additional 80-million-trillion-zillion troops to be deployed by the first of the year. After that, the President started laughing, and said that “the only way to peace, is through war.” He also said that “victory is the only option,” and it is his “solemn duty as President, to protect the citizens of the United States, by sending them to war.” The President did sa...

I have worked scoring exams for Special Education, and now as a detention supervisor at a Jr. High, I frequently have Special Education kids in detention. Among the problems I have noticed with the system, is that once a kid is labeled by a psychologist as a “behavior problem,” that child is suddenly allowed to stop trying, and stop behaving. The bad behavior is expected. Where does this leave the child when they grow up? Can they expect to say nasty, obscene and hurtful things to their boss and coworkers and then storm out to the parking lot for an hour to cool off? Aren’t kids supposed to learn coping skills in school to prepare for later life? Though I am not a licensed professional, I find it disturbing to expect less from a student and enable them to behave poorly because that student gets angry when asked to do schoolwork or behave in an acceptable manner.