I am CuTRis

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

We recorded "Someday Soon."

The darndest thing happened. St. Paul just cleaned up that big mess they made on our corner! After I sent them that link to my blog about it too. Now I really do have to say "thanks!"

Sunday is the last game of the season for the Minnesota Vikings . After a pretty horrible season, rooky quarterback, Joe Webb brought fans some hope by leading the team to a 24-14 victory over the Philadelphia eagles and Michael Vick on Tuesday. So why is there talk about putting Brett Favre back in as starting quarterback? Can the Vikings look to the future instead of the past? Can they do it just once? Maybe the team will have a future if we stop coddling Farve and develop Webb.

We struggle to keep the driveway and sidewalks shoveled and the fire hydrant uncovered and the plows come back on Sundays and on sunny days when it hasn't snowed, and repeatedly plow everything closed. You can see the corner where it was open and now it is up to the top of my wife's head!

We've gotten a lot of snow this winter. Especially when you consider winter has just officially started today. Here is a view of my drive home yesterday afternoon. It was only safe to go about 45 MPH because of how slippery the roads were. I seen one car in the ditch along this stretch of road. Of course, just minutes later, I was stopped in traffic heading toward downtown...

Stores keep advertising Door Buster Sales ! I guess if you bust their door(s) you get a good deal on merchandise. I thought I would try it, so I went to ShopMart and broke the front door. Not only didn't I get a good deal, they called the police! I ran away! I'm not shopping there anymore!

Fourth Metrodome Panel Fails UnAssociated Press December 16, 2010 A fourth roof panel has failed at the Metrodome in Minneapolis . Heavy snow from last weekend had already caused three panels to fail--necessitating the Vikings to find other venues for their last two home games of the season. The Vikings organization has been trying to get a new stadium and only has one more year on their contract in the Metrodome. Inside sources say that during the latest failure of the roof, Vikings owner Zygi Wilf was seen running from the top of the Metrodome's roof with a penknife. This report had not been substantiated at the time of this printing.

We got something like 17" of snow in the Twin Cities on Saturday. Then, it got windy and drifted. Even the roof of the Metrodome collapsed! I spent a lot of time snowblowing and shoveling over the weekend. My wife and I also made homemade eggrolls. Boy were they good after a couple of hours of moving snow!

I had a dental appointment earlier today. I mentioned that I have a "sensitive" tooth, so the hygienist proceeded to jab my tooth and gums around that area with a sharp steel tool... repeatedly jabbing and poking... "There is some inflammation," she said several painful minutes later. "It seems to be bleeding right there." (I couldn't talk because someone was in my mouth with an instrument of torture, but I'm thinking...) Well yeah!!! Do you mean to tell me that jabbing a sharp, metal object into that area repeatedly would cause inflammation and bleeding??? I'm pretty sure it only just started bleeding now... Huh... must be why it hurt so damn bad when you were doing it...

I was remembering back years ago, to when we used to play Foosball between (band) sets over at Dave's house. Now that the weather is cold and we don't want to sit on the patio, I wondered why we ever stopped playing? Then I walked back to where the Foosball table is and I remembered.

Brains are so interesting. I once heard that if you didn't have a brain, you couldn't do anything! Think about that! Ha! You used your brain. If I had to guess, I'd say it was around 16 or 17 years ago that Dave's (now grown-up) daughter, Holly drew these pictures. Dave and I had been playing music and making cable TV shows under the label of No Budget Productions. We had created many strange and wonderful songs, characters and skits. There was no doubt that both of our brains must be somewhat different from that of average people. Kevin's & Dave's Brains Then one day Dave discovered that his young daughter had drawn the exact diagram of each of our brains. He labeled each one, and they've been hanging on the wall of his basement (in our band practice area) ever since. The realism and exactness of these drawings still astounds me! Click photo to enlarge. You can see in the renderings, that Dave's brain is all over the place, yet still contained wi...

I think $449 for Charmin toilet paper is a bit expensive--even if that is for the "convenient 1,000 pack!"

By Kevin J. Curtis, Captain Picard’s Voice: “Captain’s log, Star Date 173498.7. We are in the Commodious System surveying Interstellar Plankton. My First Officer, Commander Riker is experiencing irregularity.” The scene is on the Bridge of the Enterprise., “Are you still unable to go number 2, Number One?” asked Picard. “Negative Captain,” replied Commander Riker. “I’ve tried everything. I’ve even read an entire Romulan screenplay, while I was trying to ‘go,’ and nothing!” “Have you seen Dr. Crusher about this?” asked Picard. “Yes,” replied Riker. “She gave me a hypo-spray, but so far it has not helped me to go number 2.” “That’s highly irregular Number One,” replied the Captain. “Normally Dr. Crusher’s hypos will have a person going number 2 in no time!” “You should try prune juice,” said Mr. Worf. “It is a warrior’s drink!” “You know,” said Picard, “Mr. Worf may have something there. Humans have been using prune juice to facilitate going number 2 for centuries, Number One.” “...

If Minnesota has a budget surplus now, but will have a deficit later (like we were told yesterday), could "we" take the surplus and put it into the bank to use later?

By Kevin J. Curtis “We’re getting the new sign today,” said Harland Butz—owner of what had been known as the Mr. Butz Dairy for well over a century. As the crew took down the old sign and replaced it with the new, Butz Family Dairy, sign, Harland sighed. He looked at the small group of visitors that he was leading in a tour. “I guess that’s the end of an era,” he said. “How come you decided to change the name?” asked one visitor. “That’s a good question,” said Mr. Butz. Then he began to tell the story. “The Mr. Butz Dairy has been in the family for 114 years. While the building has been remodeled, the products and philosophy are largely unchanged. Dairy products such as specialty cheeses, milk and butter are created on site and in view of the visiting public. In fact, the daily tours are a big part of the operation’s success. “The store sells a variety of grocery and convenience store products. Most in demand, however, are the Butz products that are manufactured in the adjoining bui...

Dear Kevin Curtis: We are in receipt of your email concerning your contract for He Who Goes First. As you have indicted that you do not wish to renew the contract, your contract will expire and your book will go out of print on 3/29/2011. This email serves as your written notice of such. Thank you and have a good day, HannahPublishAmerica Supporthannah@publishamerica.com ------------------------------------------------------------------ From: Kevin Curtis Sent: Thu 12/02/10 7:59 AM To: PublishAmerica Just in case my previous email wasn't clear, NO I DO NOT WANT TO RENEW MY CONTRACT. Kevin J. Curtis -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Kevin Curtis To: PublishAmerica Subject: RE: Contract Date: Thu, 2 Dec 2010 07:47:15 -0600 Hi PublishAmerica! You guys make me laugh! In July you wanted me to pay you $99 to "return my rights." Now you want me to sign for another 7 years!!! The movie for my book is on hold until after ...

Last evening, my wife was telling me what our nieces and nephews want for Christmas. Our one nephew (EL) who is about 3-years-old, wants cars and trucks, but not too big because he's scared of them if they are too big and nothing too loud, because that scares him too! I said aloud, "Note to self, EL wants a large laughing clown for Christmas!" Of course I was joking...

As I was driving to work this morning, radio talk show personality Chris Baker was commenting about the fight and stabbing at the Hmong New Year at the River Centre in St. Paul over the Thanksgiving weekend. Chris Baker wondered aloud on his program “why these people can’t get their crap together?” and “why whenever they have such an event there is trouble?” As I told Mr. Baker in an email, his comments/questions are valid—except they appear to me (as the husband of a Hmong woman), to be from someone from the outside looking in. My Hmong in-laws are good people. They are not gangsters or outlaws; nor are they personally responsible for those in their community (or culture) who are. My father-in-law may be one of the most moral people I have ever met. That said, there are certainly people within the Hmong community who have gang affiliations or who may be dishonest. These people, in my opinion, most often prey upon other Hmong people and gain their trust by virtue of being Hmong...

This latest in the Harry Potter series is in some ways the best movie yet. In other ways, it is more of the same. While Harry, Ron and Hermione are still on a quest to stop the forces of evil; this time in the guise of Ferocious Kick-to-the-Groin , they are of course helped by a wacky new friend, named Simon Nice . They must travel to Superlicious to find the Deadly Bucket of Bolts , before Ron’s new wheelchair is recalled by the Voldemort Company. Along the way, Hermione must deal with being turned into a sunflower, and Harry comes down with a case of amnesia in this long-awaited, 229th episode of the series.

Yeah, we got freezing rain Saturday night and Sunday morning. I walked like Mr. Tudball (on the slick ice) to the newspaper box, only to find it still had yesterday's papers in it...

Cutris May Be Working as a G-Man November 18, 2010 UnAssociated Press Sources indicate that Cutris may have begun working as a G-Man . This is not the first time Cutris has been seen in the role of secret agent; nor is it even the second time . What exactly is Cutris up to these days? Well, no one knows, because it is all secret. Yes, it is all very, very secret.

Of course! A Germ Cottage ! Where else would germs go to live?

Cutris Throws Log UnAssociated Press November 15, 2010 After becoming agitated because he was too heavy to cross a bridge with a five-ton weight limit, Cutris picked up a large log over his head and threw it! The log flew approximately 59 yards, giving Cutris a first down . Upon regaining his composure, Cutris decided that he would stop weighing six tons --so he could cross the bridge with the five ton limit . Then Cutris crossed the bridge without further incident.

Cutris Decides to Weigh 6 Tons UnAssociated Press November 15, 2010 Cutris made the unfortunate decision recently, to weigh six tons. This meant that he was unable to walk across a bridge with a five-ton weight limit. An indignant Cutris is shown in the photograph, contemplating his predicament.

Yeah, we got lots of snow in the Twin Cities this weekend.

If you want to talk like Captain Picard from the Star Trek: The Next Generation series, you should first shave your head (like I did). This will make you look more like (actor) Patrick Stewart . Some kind of space-like background or weird lighting is also appropriate for the setting. A moving spaceship (or approximation of) might work to enhance the appearance. Then use a commanding, yet congenial tone. Also use an English accent (though Picard was supposedly from France), and there you have it! Watch as I demonstrate...

We seem to hear more and more about cyber-bullying these days. It used to be that "bullying" was usually done in person. Now, people can hide in a locked room and reach out through the Internet . Nasty things posted on a website can cause embarrassment or psychological harm to the targeted individual. Also of concern these days, is Cyborg-bullying , which is the act of doing nasty things to a cyborg . This cannot be tolerated in modern society! Maybe in the Middle Ages it was cool to "kick around" your robot , but not anymore! Cyborg-bullying should not be tolerated!

I learned last evening that my Aunt Clara died. I wish her well in her journey to the After. For the rest of us, hug somebody--we're all short-timers.

I thought I'd share the workout I created for myself, because it works! I have the use of the school’s weight room before my work shift starts. Therefore, each morning I do ten repetitions of a number of weight training exercises utilizing both free weights and machines. If you don’t have a weight room (as there were times I didn't), you can still do a variety of exercises with dumbbells, or using calisthenics. The key to my successful program is that I can do my entire routine in 10 to 15 minutes. If I try to do multiple sets in a longer span of time, inevitably I will skip sessions due to time constraints. The order I do the exercises is relevant, as I do not rest in-between. My body weight varies between 175 and 180 lbs. My current workout is, 1. Bench Press (free weights) 10 reps of 185 lbs. 2. Back Extensions (holding 45 lbs.) 10 reps 3. Straight Press (free weights on machine) 10 reps of 120 lbs. 4. Butterfly Curls (free weights on machine) 10 reps of 120 lbs. 5. Lat...

My Christmas Cactus blooms about three times each year. It currently lives in my office. I planted it years ago, with slips from both pink and orange colored (flowering) plants. I took this picture yesterday.

We hiked at Louisville Swamp today. There is still some remnants of the flooding we got back in September, so it wasn't passable near the old Jab's farm site. Still, it was an absolutely beautiful day! Here are some photos I took.

The State Farm adjuster/inspector called me and says we don't have hail damage. He doesn't know why the paint is chipped off the ally side of the house, or all the "gravel" is off the shingles over there, but he says it isn't hail. I'm guessing that the loud noise that woke us up (September 21st) when hail was hitting the house wasn't hail either. It was probably "migrating insects" crashing into the house in the dark.

White Owl Elected Governor UnAssociated Press, Parallel Universe Addition November 3, 2010 In a landslide victory over Wolf Clan opponent Taha Red Deer, Ulatt White Owl of the Bear Clan, has won the All Nations election for Governor of the Northern Region. Governor elect White Owl will take office with the rising of the New Moon. Governor Elect Ulatt White Owl

Can we finally be through with some of these awful political attack ads? Can we finally be through with harassing political phone calls? Can we finally be through finding all that political junk mail garbage in our mailboxes and in our doors? I will vote today, but I will be so glad when this election is over!

It was only 25 days ago, that I wrote about wide receiver Randy Moss coming back to the Minnesota Vikings . It took less than a month for coach Brad Childress to umm... cut... umm... Moss... --due to his overall lack of effort and critisism of the Vikings. Those of us who remember Randy Moss from his first stint with the Minnesota Vikings are not surprised he is getting "bumped" from the team, we're just a little surprised by the timing of it all. At minimum, the Vikings lose a third-round draft pick in the deal acquiring Moss, and it seems to be only a matter of time before owner Zygi Wilf will be forced to cut Childress. The Vikings want a new stadium, and have continued the "tradition" of using old, recycled quarterbacks --with the same lousy results. Having so much talent on the team, yet failing miserably is difficult for even the most loyal fans. It is even more difficult, however, to want to buy them a new stadium with tax dollars when we are all hurt...

Cutris seen with a Member of the Stick Community October 29, 2010 UnAssociated Press After his fight with Stickman , and the subsequent discrimination lawsuit --including that unfortunate choice of Halloween costume that Cutris made last year, one might conclude that Cutris would "steer clear" of members of the Stick community--even though he was cleared of all charges. Never one to be predictable, however, Cutris was recently spotted with a Stick friend in a very peaceful scene. When Cutris was asked about the photo, he said that he has friends of all races, including Stick people. He also told us to "mind our own business."

I like my cruise control . Whenever possible, I set the cruise, and I don't have to worry about my speed. That said, other drivers on the road seem to fluctuate their speed continuously ! Some drive incredibly slow, until they hangup the cell phone and then they re-find the center of their lane and punch the accelerator. My "favorite" is when I come up behind someone driving slower than I am and I move over a lane to pass. Nine out of ten times that person will speed up to try to keep me from passing. If I decide to go back behind them, Nine out of ten times they will slow down again. With some people, you have to significantly speed up to pass them! Is this similar to that driver Psyche that won't allow another car to merge in front of them (only behind)? Why are people so competitive about driving?

I've seen racoons and rats coming out of the storm sewers before, but this is the first time I got pictures of it. Sunday morning I walked to the newspaper box at 6:45 AM (in the dark) and saw this racoon. it hissed at me when I took its picture. This animal looked fluffy and dry, even though we had quite a rain storm just a few hours earlier.

Yesterday we visited Gooseberry Falls . It was really crowded and the water was not nearly as high as the last time we were there .

My wife and I took a little trip to Duluth today. The first thing we did was go to Canal Park . We stayed at The Edge . We had a great room overlooking Lake Superior . Being The Edge is a waterpark, it was crowded and crazy! Still, the view of the lake, the moon and sunrise was fantastic! We did some shopping--including at Fitgers . We had a wonderful dinner at Valentini's . 3 pictures from Canal Park Moon over Lake Superior Sunrise

I went hiking in Central Wilkie today. There has been nearly no rain for almost a month; but the rains before that flooded the bottomland and as my photos show, it must have been pretty bad.

I've been busy doing home maintenance...

"The candidates running for office are bad. You shouldn’t vote for them. They do bad things. They aren’t good people. I’m a cup of coffee. You should vote for me. I’m a cup of coffee and I approve of this message."

Dear G, I'm sad now. Maybe you can't hear me, but I always thought you could. Maybe I was wrong, but I've tried to do what's right. She deserves it even if I don't. I wander on through life, K.

North Korea's Heir Apparent UnAssociated Press October 12, 2010 It appears that the recent public appearances of heir apparent, Kim Jong-un , are foreshadowing his succession to power--replacing his father, North Korean dictator and madman , Kim Jong-il . We at the UnAssociated Press, regret that we have only run two other stories about Kim Jong-il. One was about a missile test , and the other was about his "nuclear capabilities." As he is such an intelligent and visually stunning man, it is truly a shame there isn't much more about him. Thankfully, even though Kim Jong-un has yet to speak in public, we are confident that he can live up to the "greatness" of his father, and grandfather, Kim Il-sung --who ruled before him. As long as they "keep it in the family," the bar remains pretty low... Kim Jong-un Kim Jong-il

Cutris Thought to be Back in USA UnAssociated Press October 8, 2010 This photo, taken by a Japanese fishing vessel, shows Cutris allegedly surfing home from Iran. Little more is known at this time, but it is widely speculated that Cutris is back in the United States.

The Vikings took a chance by drafting Randy Moss in 1998. He is a super talented receiver, with a huge "chip on his shoulder." Eventually the Vikings traded him to the Raiders in 2005, who traded him to the Patriots in 2007. Now in 2010, the Patriots are tired of him and the Vikings have taken him back. It's kind of like remarrying your Psycho ex-wife/husband because you're desperate. Now the Vikings have a should-be-retired quarterback (Brett Favre) and a talented wide receiver who has a really bad attitude. Sounds like a winning combination!

Cutris Seen Speeding Away on Camel! UnAssociated Press October 7, 2010 A new picture surfaced today, of Cutris speeding away from authorities on a camel! He is possibly with an unknown accomplice (in the picture) speeding across the desert in some remote part of the Middle East . No further information is available at this time.

Cutris Escapes from Iran! UnAssociated Press October 6, 2010 This photo arrived on the news-wire just minutes ago! Cutris appears to have escaped from Iran! When contacted by the UnAssociated Press, Iranian president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad "knew nothing of this matter." The official response from the Iranian military is that Cutris was "released." This photo obtained by the UnAssociated Press showing the bars of the prison cell bent apart and broken, tells another story... a more "Cutrisesque" tale. How or when exactly Cutris managed to escape is unknown at this time. Cutris' whereabouts are also unknown. It appears that he is likely "on the run;" though whether he has fled the country of Iran is still unknown.

Cutris may be Jailed in Iran UnAssociated Press October 5, 2010 News and a photo have given rise to the belief that Cutris may have wandered accidentally into Iran while hiking . Apparently Cutris had been hiking in the Minnesota Valley National Wildlife Refuge , when he inadvertently wandered across the border into Iran . He was arrested near the border by the Iranian military. His release is questionable at this time.