I am CuTRis

Sometime last week, my guitar Jade had been located by the police at a local pawn shop under the name of the guy who we think stole her. By the end of the week, the guy that stole my guitar was arrested and sitting in jail. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Apparently he stole a bunch of other things from my friends too, but they hadn’t noticed right away. Hopefully they can get it back. My guitar sent that fartknocker to jail! When I get my Stratocaster back, I’m going to get her a badge and put it on the guitar strap. http://cutris.blogspot.com/2006/05/violation.html

All roads eventually lead to the bathroom.

Why Me? May 26, 2006 It wasn’t fair! Now he was going to be late because one of the kids wouldn’t cooperate. Josh cautiously sped up his car so he was going 5 miles-per-hour faster than the speed limit. He kept looking for police cars, but was determined to make up for lost time. He wasn’t late very often. Surely his boss Mr. Cavanaugh would understand. Still, he was frustrated. He should have left 10 minutes ago, but his son Brian insisted on making the morning as miserable as possible. Finally, with the children safely dropped off at school, Josh had only to drive the 13 miles to work. He was making good time, and 15 minutes later he swung his car around the corner just as a tractor-trailer came speeding through the intersection. The two vehicles just missed each other, and though he knew he had narrowly missed catastrophe, Josh hurried on into the parking lot of the building where he worked. He was only two minutes late. Not too bad, he thought. Still it was not something he let hap...

Two Minnesotans, Newt and Svenor, were discussing fishing don’tchya know, when Newt, he says to Svenor, “I want to take my boat out, but I know if I do it will rain. But if I don’t go fishing, it’ll probably be a nice day.” “Ahhh…” said Svenor, “catch-22 huh?” “I don’t know how many I’ll catch," replied Newt, "but I doubt I’ll get that many!”

- FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE – Cutris Fires Trump May 24, 2006 Ironically, the man who coined the phrase, “you’re fired,” got fired earlier today. Cutris fired billionaire Donald Trump today with little explanation. When asked if he had the authority to fire the Donald, Cutris merely smirked and said, “Yes I do, and you are also fired for asking that question.” Cutris went on to say that it was “about time someone fired Trump,” and that he should “try shaving his head.”

Few possessions can invoke the kind of emotions that one can develop for a musical instrument. I am a guitarist. I have more than one guitar. They are all named. I can make them all sing. Last night, after going to hangout and jam with my band, I found that the Stratocaster that I keep where we practice had been stolen. We know who did it, but we have no solid proof. If he is smart (which he isn’t), he will try to return it. He should also avoid being in my presence. No real man would steal another man’s guitar! I remained calm. We did file a police report. My guitar is gone, and our equipment is not safe. This all happened because a troubled little girl, decided to choose a piece of human-garbage for a boyfriend, and he gained access to the house where we have jammed for the last 15 or so years. The one time I met him, he wouldn’t look me in the eye. That can say a lot. Whoever has my guitar now, she will never sing for you the way she did for me. She knows all my songs, but she will...

Cutris Appointed to Supreme Fort May 19, 2006 UnAssociated Press Report Cutris was named Supreme Fort Cutris yesterday by some government bureaucracy that has little to do with much of anything. The duties of a Supreme Fort Cutris are as of yet, still unknown. Also unknown, is the whereabouts of the Supreme Fort. No one in the government seemed to know what a Supreme Fort was used for, though nearly all of them agreed that it was better than a regular fort.

The school-year is almost over. The kids are getting in trouble at a rather remarkable rate lately. All of us are ready for it to be over. I am going to North Carolina for a few days. I just have to get through these last couple of weeks...

My closet hanger pole fell down last night. I hung all my clothes on it yesterday. Whoever put it up didn't screw the middle support into a stud, and it pulled out of the wall. Now I have to fix it and the wall! Ughh!

I'm moving. It's not fun. After three years in limbo, it is interesting to see what is in those boxes of mine. Some of it is nice stuff. Some of it goes in the dumper. I'm not feeling all that great today which makes it worse to move stuff.

Detention has been full lately. Yesterday, I nearly ran out of chairs 5th hour. There were four "scholars" already serving all-day "sentences," and a couple of the classrooms just erupted and I got several at a time.

My furniture arrived between 2:00PM and 4:00PM as originally promised. The first guy came in and placed his paperwork against my freshly painted hallway wall, and as he was bringing his pen down to write, I stopped him. The second guy was about to lean the headboard of my new bed against my freshly painted bedroom wall, when I stopped him. After I told them how I had spent the last month and a half stripping wallpaper, prepping, painting, cleaning... they were much more careful and even complimented my work. I have new furniture!!!

My new furniture is supposed to be delivered today between 2:00PM and 4:00PM. I don't answer my (cell) phone while I'm working at the school, but when it vibrated that I had a message I decided to check. It was the driver saying he was on the way. It was 11:30AM! I called him and he said he was told between 1:00PM and 3:00PM. It was 11:30AM! I told him I couldn't be there until 2:00PM, and he said he didn't know if that would work because... I told him that I couldn't be there until 2:00PM. At least it isn't raining, like the weather report said it could be...

Did you see the warrior? I did. He was standing at the tree line like he did a thousand years ago, as I walked toward Rapids Lake. Then he was gone –a ghost from a time long ago. I scared a pheasant as I started my climb down the ravine. The hen ran into the woods and was gone. This day in May was filled with wonders including blooming -Prairie Smoke, Phlox, Columbine, Pasque Flower and more. When I got to the lake below, I could see that it was flooded and reaching into the woods. The trees were submerged where the waters had extended into the bottomland forest. Above, a Great Horned Owl left its perch and swung a circle through the trees and over my head before flying off. I sat down on a log, and began to pull wood ticks off of my jeans… 3…4…7… The mosquitoes were already out in force, but they were still not ravenous like they would be next month when I would come back here for raspberries. On the ground I saw a feather. The owl had left it for me. Where the water had receded, ther...

The magic occurs in everyday life, and my main point is to try to recognize it. It is magic when an eagle flies over my head and I hear the wind in its wings. It is magic when I realize that some kid I tangled with all year at the school really doesn't hate me, and maybe something I said or did, actually sank into his hormone-ridden confusion. Magic is the Red-Tailed Hawk that flew circles around me after I returned to the woods after a month and a half. Magic is when a friend tells me that I said something that first made her cry and then made her feel wonderful. Magic is the smell of the morning as I walk from my car to the door of the school. Magic might be the day I met you.

I just asked Kid’s Name how he’s going to like being 26 years old, and hanging out with the other ninth graders at the mall… He’s well on his way to accomplishing this marvelous feat.

Good Morning I squint into the light of the rising sun. The coolness of the morning refreshes the world. I can smell the moist earth and freshly mown grass. The birds are busy and their songs fill my ears. The breeze blows the morning around my head. I step into the building and suddenly my good morning is gone. Kevin J. Curtis

I just ordered new furniture for my newly cleaned and painted condo. I've never had new furniture before...

Eagle Nest Cam... http://www.infotecbsi.com/wildlife/

I was planning to rent a machine and clean my own carpets, when I noticed a coupon in the local newspaper for "$7.95 per room, 2 room minimum." How interesting... I had just two rooms to do. It did say, "other charges may apply." O.K. I bet they do... I could do it for around $30 or so myself with "The Rug Doctor" from Cub Foods. I decided to call and they could send someone out the next day (today). There was a pre-treater for the path walked around the bedroom, there was a Teflon (isn't that poisonous?) treatment to prevent stains, and he measured 423 sq. ft of carpet. Grand total, $294! Umm... does that sound like $7.95 x 2? He had his stuff lugged up there, and had already done a sample, and I said no chance I would pay that much. He called his boss, and got it down to $168. I said I could do it for $30 myself, and he told me how he had better chemicals, better equipment, etc. This was true, but I told him the coupon was deceiving. After hanging up...