I am CuTRis

Because nothing says, " natural ," like something you spray on!

My novel, He Who Goes First is currently on sale for $7.99! Normally the insane publisher charges $19.99! I'm sure this won't last , so buy now! Just click on the title (above).

If you want to attract people (especially women) to your clothing store, is it really a good idea to call it, Dress Barn ??? It sounds like clothes for livestock!!!

It's almost time for another loooonnnng drive to get back home.

After my aunt's funeral, we had half a day on our own to explore, so we went to Makoshika State Park (Badlands). We also visited the Yellowstone River.

We drove all day to Glendive, Montana .

My aunt Bev (McIntyre) died this morning. I last saw her almost two years ago when she came to the reception when my wife and I got married. I didn't realize it was the last time I would see her. She lived in Montana, and visits were infrequent due to the distance. Still, whenever I happened through (Montana) and stopped in, her and my uncle Mac (who passed in 2005), were always glad to see me. They used to come by train (Mac was "an old Railroad man") to Minnesota to visit sometimes. I always tried to see them when they were here. Goodbye Bev, we'll miss you. I know the last year was hard for you. I hope you are happy again. Kevin

What is with the saying, "my bad?" Was it "invented" by the same people who can't keep their baggy, prison pants on? "Your bad what ?" You didn't finish the sentence! This is grammatically incorrect! Even if you wanted to keep the word "bad," and direct it toward yourself, you would have to say, "I'm bad!" Why do the dumbest things, made-up by dumb people catch-on? Are "we" really that pathetic that "we" all need to speak like morons and have pants that don't stay on??? Count me out. I might be getting old, but my pants fit and I don't sound like an idiot. - Cutris out!

It was early. It was "ungodly" early! It was his first shift on the new job. He was the "new guy." The others had been doing this same job for years. He checked in and assumed his position. He'd trained for this, but now it was for real. The shift leader called out the responsibilities and who would assume each one. It was almost time. "His visuals are coming online," said Dewey, the guy to the left. "I'm requesting lubrication for both the left and right." "Motor functions are coming online!" shouted the crew chief. "Steady, get those equilibrium stabilizers online! We need it in 3... 2... 1! The new guy calibrated the stabilizers and pressed "enter." "He's up!" shouted the chief! So far so good. The cardio-pulmonary readout looked good. It was slowly rising... no spikes... "He's moving!" cried Dewey. "He's moving into position. Ready to flush out wastewater!" shouted t...

On Saturday , we hiked the Bass Ponds . It was cloudy, cool and damp. Here are a few pictures. I don't usually photograph dead animals. This beaver, however, seemed to have been "frozen in time." Perhaps it had been, until very recently. On Sunday , we hiked at the Tamarack Nature Center . It was sunny and the temperature got up to 64 degrees Fahrenheit--which was a new record.

On this foggy morning We’re remembering you Our baby boy Who we lovingly sent home to the Creator You would have been arriving Any day now Our baby boy Who started so hard and ended so soon We love you We miss you Our baby boy Your mom and dad KJC

Cutris Mission Unsuccessful UnAssociated Press March 10, 2010 By Blip Martinson, Staff Reporter Even the best laid plans can fail. Click picture to enlarge This sketch shows the brilliance of the plan Cutris used, which was originally created by Wile E. Coyote to catch the Roadrunner. In this case, Cutris was trying to trap Osama bin Laden by using a Toyota car instead of an ACME product. Unfortunately, as Cutris told me in an interview last night, the plan had been working, until Al Qaeda's #32 man, Amir Agranny Agoat Ikidyounot found the Toyota car and drove it away! Cutris wasn't sure what he should do at first, so he was late in dropping the anvil. The car sped away and then returned several minutes later with Osama bin Laden as a passenger! The Toyota suddenly began to speed out-of-control as a result of the accelerator and brake issues that are the subject of recalls . Even though driver, Amir Agranny Agoat Ikidyounot saw the anvil (now in the middle of the road), he...

Cutris Talks of his Mission UnAssociated Press March 9, 2010 By Blip Martinson, Staff reporter Deep in the hills of Afghanistan, I met with Cutris , busy with his latest secret mission. Apparently he has devised a plan, originally used (unsuccessfully) by Wile E. Coyote to catch the Roadrunner. Cutris said he will place a sign in the hills here that says, "Free Toyota Car for Terrorists who Hate America." This sign is reminiscent of Wile E. Coyote's sign that says, "Free Birdseed." I asked Cutris , "Aren't you worried that the coyote's plans always fail, and that he often is injured in the process?" Cutris replied by saying, "No not really. Wile E. always relied on ACME products. I'm going to use a Toyota ." I must have looked puzzled, because Cutris went on to explain that he was sure that if he could just get Osama bin Laden to drive a late model Toyota, the dangers from the many faulty parts currently on recall would caus...

Intercepted Transmission UnAssociated Press March 8, 2010 This message was recently intercepted by a U.S. spy satellite. The origin is thought to be somewhere near Afghanistan. Is Cutris on another secret mission? MESSAGE "This is Cutris . Will be in position in two minutes, Echo, Delta, Tango, Ricky, Lucy." END Warning, audio signal is low.

Summary of Art Supply Store Investigation By Cutris While I was waiting for my wife as she perused the art supply store, I was approached by three drunk women who suggested that the store may be a "front" for some illegal or unethical business. At least that is what it sounded like they said, though as I already mentioned, they were drunk. With no training in investigation work, I decided that I was uniquely qualified to undertake the task. My wife was still looking at tag board or something, so I guessed I had several minutes to "kill." This should be plenty of time to investigate, I decided. Upon starting my investigation, I immediately noticed where the line starts. Obviously, my deductive reasoning powers were finely tuned. "What do we have here?" I asked myself. "'Boneware?' It seems to be 'self-hardening.'" I noted in my clue book, that it was available in moist form. "This sounds like trouble!" I also found a ...

We hiked along Nine Mile Creek on Saturday. The sun was warm, and the snow and ice were beautiful. One could not have asked for a more perfect day at the creek! I'm always amazed that this "ghost tree" still stands. I've seen it like this for many years. It is the one on the right in the last photo.

Every work place has individuals who can make your workday unpleasant. There are various ways to deal with these situations, but one of the most constructive ways is to find such people new job opportunities. Just make sure as you look for jobs for yourself (to escape the annoying people), that you send any good opportunities to the unpleasant people--in case they want to leave on their own.

Who are these two people? I'm not particularly talented at drawing, so it could be lots of people. I drew this picture of two people, for no particular reason. The interesting part about it is that while these people may resemble certain individuals who may play a role in my daily activities, they also resemble certain individuals from my past work with the county. How is it that this unlikely duo, could reemerge in the guise of two unique, new individuals, yet share many of the same traits as those from the past? In some ways, it is freaky. I'm in a new place in a new time and "poof!" I'm "transported back to another time and place where the names and faces are different; though the similarities are too close to ignore! Is this "déjà vu" a sign that I need to find a change? Or, maybe it is just preparing me for the inevitable changes that result when certain characteristics exert themselves unchecked on the larger environment. Fortunately, I find t...

I know the story is sad, but it isn't new. This same scenario has occurred before. Yesterday a Killer Whale , also known as an Orca, killed a trainer at SeaWorld . Normally these intelligent animals do not kill humans . That said, should we really be surprised that a captive orca that has killed twice before, would become annoyed with a tiny primate that is forcing it to do tricks? When the whale has the "unhappy looking," bent dorsal fin characteristic of captive whales, should we be so surprised that it (pun) "went off the deep end?" They are called, Killer Whales for a reason. They are the top predator in their realm. They are intelligent and have families. So why should we expect that one of these creatures should be happy living in a tank away from its family? Maybe it is time to free these whales , instead of exploiting them for entertainment income.

Cutris Speaks About His Wood UnAssociated Press February 23, 2010 People began questioning Cutris , about his decision to award himself a wooden medal in Olympic figure skating. It all came about after Russian figure skater Evgeni Plushenko awarded himself a platinum medal . The main question seems to be, "why did he choose wood?" In a press conference early this morning, Cutris said that "wood is the best," because it is renewable and because beavers like it . Sporting his new wooden medal, Cutris evoked the image of a true patriot . And why not? This isn't the first time that Cutris' wood has been in the news. He once used wood to promote his novel, "Cottonwood." This is also not the first time that Cutris has been in the Olympics . After the Press conference was over, many people seemed to agree with Cutris . One man even said out loud, "If you're going to be sporting a medal, you might-as-well be sporting wood!"

Cutris Awards Himself Wooden Medal UnAssociated Press February 22, 2010 Since Russian figure skater Evgeni Plushenko has awarded himself a platinum medal in figure skating, Cutris has now awarded himself a wooden medal for his his performance in figure skating at the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver.

I just returned from hiking in the Black Dog Unit of the Minnesota Valley National Wildlife Refuge. It was an absolutely spectacular day! The sun was warm, yet I could follow the unnamed creek on the east end--all the way to Black Dog Lake! Normally in warmer seasons, the ground is too soft to walk out that far. I saw hundreds of Common Mergansers in Black Dog Lake. I also saw a Red-Tailed Hawk, Canada geese, Robins, Cardinals, Chickadees and more. I've included a few photos below.

Third Eye UnAssociated Press February 19, 2010 Using special photographic technology, Cutris demonstrates his Third Eye . Also known as the Pineal Gland , this organ is said to be the link to a higher consciousness. When asked about the legitimacy of the Third Eye theory, Cutris brought up the sonar abilities of dolphins and whales. "Compared to these animals," Cutris explained, "we're a bit behind in the 'learning curve.'" Cutris demonstrates his " Third Eye ." The crowd gathered around seemed very impressed, until Cutris told them that he could "see with his butt" as well.

Yesterday I decided that I had neglected my car long enough, and it was time to take it through the car wash. Later, I went to visit my parents between my two jobs. Apparently my parents have an "Attack Cardinal " in the neighborhood. It attacks it's own reflection in car mirrors! After parking in my parents' driveway, I noticed that the bird was furiously fighting my driver's side mirror! I beeped my horn remotely, and it flew off. A few seconds later it was back at it again! Soon the horn beeps didn't phase it, as the male cardinal was viciously attacking the "intruder" in the mirror! I decided that my car was bigger, so eventually I ignored it. Mom and dad told me that this bird regularly attacks the mirrors of parked cars. Later when I went out to go to work, I noticed that my mirror looked scratched! I was stunned! Surely that little bird couldn't have damaged my car! I took some snow and rubbed the "scratches" out. Apparently it w...

Cutris Goes for Olympic Gold UnAssociated Press February 17, 2010 Cutris nearly won the men's figure skating at the Winter Olympics in Vancouver . He also almost won the women's figure skating. While it was disappointing that he didn't win, Cutris did win "Best in Show." Cutris shown after landing a stunning, "Triple Klutz." A close-up shows the beauty of Cutris' routine. Cutris' patented finishing move.

Bok Choy + Bach = Klingon . More precisely, it equates to what "sounds" like a Klingon language phrase. I will demonstrate in the video below. Caution , Klingon is spoken loudly and harshly. Don't be frightened by the sound!

We went to see "The Wolfman" over the weekend. It was a bit gory, but a good movie. It is definitely worth seeing if you are a horror film fan. We also saw "From Paris with Love." What a long strange trip it's been, since I remember John Travolta as Vinnie Barbarino in Welcome Back Kotter , back in the 1970's. Travolta's new look, and character are both impressive and at times, funny. This is one of the most action packed movies you could ever hope to see. I highly recommend it, though the content and language are not for everyone--especially children.

Pants not on the ground, but the snow goes halfway up the pants!

I think we caught up on our "below normal" snowfall.

"It's not just a commute, it's an adventure!"

"If I wasn't me, most likely I'd be someone else." -Cutris

Yesterday I got one of "those calls." My wife was on her way to the hospital. The scare was that it was a heart attack, which later, thankfully, we found out it wasn't. Few things can affect us as profoundly as when someone we love is in peril. I was in my office when my cell phone rang with the news. I felt my body go through a series of physical changes as the emotions checked in. As I stopped a moment after hanging up, I began to assemble a plan of action--resisting the urge to run out to the emergency unprepared. I made some calls to relatives, bosses (for both my jobs) and cleared my schedule. After things were secured at work, I left for the hospital, armed with a set of directions I printed off of Mapquest.com . When I made my way to the emergency center, I was relieved to find my wife looking pretty good; despite all of the monitor equipment hooked up to her. After she was cleared by the doctor, we were able to leave. As my sense of calm returned, I recalled the f...

This morning as I was driving to work, I noticed a newer model Toyota car driving past me on the shoulder of the freeway. The car had to be going about 90mph, and didn't seem to be able to stop. How ironic, I thought, that the number one selling car manufacturer in the world, now had problems with the accelerator sticking on numerous models. Initially, the problem was blamed on the floor mats, supposedly sticking to the accelerator pedal. Apparently, this was not the only problem. Now, still driving, I noticed a Toyota truck pass on the other side of my car. Horn blowing, the driver was apparently in a hurry and wanted everyone to get out of his way. Either that or his accelerator was stuck. I just heard now, that it seems there is a problem with the brakes not working on the popular Prius Hybrid. I'm not sure, but it seems to me that this is a really bad combination. As I watched a new Prius crash through a fence on the edge of the freeway, it occurred to me that a stuck a...

They all look the same. A group of young men in baggy clothes. One hand on their crotch holds their pants up and the inseam is only 6 inches long. Who has legs that are only 6 inches long??? They wear hoods or sideways caps. They all talk the same, "Know what I'm sayin'?" The girls all look the same too. They wear low-cut shirts and clothes that are too tight. They all have the same look--just like the singers of today. Can we call all of them Britney to save time? I can hardly tell one from the other. There are very few individuals . It's too bad. I'm glad I'm different.

This video is pretty funny.

Sue emailed me and said that she needed "cheering up." The Vikings lost and the weather was rainy over the weekend, so I can totally understand. So I’m giving away a secret to making almost anything funny. If you add the words, "my butt" to virtually any sentence, it is funny! Oh sure, it is definitely juvenile, but who cares? It's a sure thing almost every time! While watching TV, the voice-over says, "Brought to you by," Just insert "my butt" before the commercial! It is also amusing to pretend your butt is a sentient being. Such as by saying, "My butt could hang onto the football better than Adrian Peterson!" There is a TV commercial where everyone is saying, "ask me about..." Of course, I insert the words, "my butt," before they can finish. It is amazingly funny! Now my wife will argue that this use of the words, "my butt," isn't really that funny." I do, however, catch her showing some ...

With the New Orleans Saints 31 to 28 victory over the Minnesota Vikings on Sunday, my hopes... the hopes of die-hard Vikings fans everywhere—were crushed once again. We all hoped that this year they might-go-all-the-way! Late in the season when they started losing their road games, we all braced for the worst. Then, they seemed to have a chance. Even on Sunday, they could have easily won the NFC title, except that they couldn’t control the ball. Fumbles and interceptions setup a win for the Saints and sent Vikings fans into disbelief; as we watched the team self-destruct in a painful-to-watch game. And what about Brett Favre ? He did win me over, even though I wasn’t a supporter of bringing him to the Vikings back in August. All season, I refrained from blogging about the team because I was afraid that if I rejoiced, the Vikings would self-destruct. But, in the end, even if I’m disappointed—it was just a game… right?

There seem to be more of those blueish, high intensity discharge headlights on the roads these days (or more accurately, these nights). They produce more light with less power, but for those of us sharing the road with vehicles equipped with HID lights, we are often "blinded by the light." Here is a picture of a car that was following me on the freeway. The photo doesn't do justice to the fact that I couldn't look into my rear view mirrors without being blinded! As I drove along through the darkness with this bright blue light tormenting me from behind, I thought of an upgrade that I would like for my own car. It would be a small caliber projectile, sighted in (through cameras located on the front and back of the car) to take out one of those annoyingly bright blue lights! I'd leave them have one, but I figure shooting out one HID light, would make those annoying things about half as bright. "Target sighted..."

There are a lot of "celebrities," and supposed celebrities on television, on the Internet and in magazines. For example, who the (insert expletive) are the Kardashians , and why am I supposed to care about them??? Are spoiled rich people instant celebrities? If so, we live in a "sorry-ass" society! I can see if you are interested in the Cardassians , because they are dangerous enemies of the Federation . It's only prudent to take some interest in someone who might be pointing a disruptor at you!

Sometimes I wonder why people are, or are not concerned with certain things. Today, I will show you a certain driveway a block or so away from my house. In the dead of a Minnesota winter, this driveway is always completely clean! But why??? This is what the street looks like near my house. This is what a typical driveway looks like. There are no piles of snow, but it has a layer of slush and ice. This is how things look when the temperature stays below freezing most of the time. This is the "why" driveway. First of all, how do you get it absolutely free of all snow, ice and even dirt??? Secondly, why would you do that??? As you can see by the yellow thingamajig, no one is apparently allowed to drive on the DRIVE way!

Cutris Sues Himself for Slander January 15, 2010 UnAssociated Press Always the controversial character, Cutris shocked everyone today with his announcement that he was suing himself for a slanderous statement that he made about himself 14 years ago. At this time, no one is sure exactly what the statement was all about, except that it has finally prompted Cutris to act. After hiring the law firm of Dusty, Turnkey and Prawn , Cutris announced that he was finally ready to "take action," and not let himself get away with saying such slanderous things! He and his attorneys are asking for $84 Bazillion in restitution. Asked if he was worried about being sued, Cutris replied that he would use the settlement money to pay off his settlement. The lawyers, Cutris told reporters, know they won’t get paid. "They’re just doing it for publicity," he said. Cutris also indicated that he could not talk further to the press, himself or Sesame Street’s Big Bird, who apparently has als...

The name on this place keeps changing ! Now it's, Ar js! Should I go try it? What if the name changes between when I order my food and when I get it? Does my order change too? I don't think I would like that!

We saw The Hurt Locker at the "cheap theater" last evening--which happened to be discount night! This was a very intense film that followed a trio of soldiers in a bomb disposal unit. The routine for these American soldiers in Iraq, was frequent trips off the base into the city or countryside to disable, detonate or assess the aftermath of explosives. I was completely focused on this movie from start to finish. I highly recommend it, but it is rated R for violence and language--so is not for children.

Because sometimes WD-40 isn't strong enough...

From time to time, I like to share pictures of my encounters with wildlife. Most often, these images come from my hikes in the wildlife refuge. Yesterday, however, I was witness to one of the most unique spectacles known to man or beast. I happened to have my video camera rolling, as two dragon lizards engaged in a primordial battle for supremacy. Watch now, and marvel at these two magnificent beasts, as they struggle for dominance.

Cutris Drops Snow Cone-Paralyzes Midwest January 8, 2010 UnAssociated Press It seems that Cutris is unable to avoid scandals . Just yesterday, he apparently dropped his giant-sized snow cone, and it spread quickly across the Midwest, leaving roads very slippery. Several cars like the one pictured, were unable to stay on the road. Cutris was unavailable for comment, but was said to be upset that he was unable to eat his snow cone.

There once was a whole lot of snow. And a subzero wind—it did blow. But Cutris went out, And he let out a shout! Winter gets cold—don’t you know?

We went to see two movies over the weekend. Avatar is an excellent movie. The computer generated material is outstanding. Sherlock Holmes starring Robert Downey, Jr. and Jude Law, is also a very good movie, though I kept waiting for the rather disheveled, Holmes to say, "Elementary my dear Watson." This, he did not do, though he was an interesting and eccentric character.

I took this picture of the "Blue Moon" (second full moon in one month) on New Year's Eve.