I am CuTRis

I have created an Excel sheet that will instantly calculate how much money you "earned" while pooping, smoking, or doing whatever—while you are at work. If you would like a free copy, just email me and put "Free Poop Calculator" in the subject line.

  This definitely looks like a case of money laundering !

Carp vs. Humans: Invasive Species UnAssociated Press April 29, 2014 Political correctness has gotten a workout lately, as the Minnesota Senate has voted to change the name of the fish formerly known as Asian Carp ; in order to "avoid casting a negative light on Asian cultures." The fish will now be called "Invasive Carp," to reflect that they are invasive species . The carp, however, have now filed a lawsuit claiming that Humans are the most invasive species to ever walk, crawl, fly or swim on Earth. Truly, this would seem to be the case—which means that people will now be referred to as "Invasive Humans" by all the flora and fauna of the planet.

Back to Basics!  

 

I understand, from watching the news, that the Minnesota Wild hockey team is in the playoffs and things are getting exciting. Twenty years or so ago, I was a fan of the Minnesota North Stars hockey team. Back then, the games were still on (free) television. Though toward the end of the team's existence, playoff games (especially) were offered on pay-per-view or you had to sit at the bar to watch them. Either way, you had to be willing to spend money to be a fan. I had, a few times, gone to the games at the old Met Center. As the venues to see professional hockey became narrower and more expensive, I found that this once avid fan, was losing interest. It was just too much trouble and expense. Eventually, the team was moved to Dallas. That pretty much killed my interest in the sport. Now the Minnesota Wild have won their way to playoff game 7, but the games are still not on regular TV and I don't hang out in bars to watch. So good luck to the team; but I probably won't b...

It thundered pretty loud yesterday and we wondered what our two-year-old son would do. He looked kind of serious and then he said, “More!”

It takes a special person to tell someone else that it takes a special person to do some crap that is probably less special and more craplike and for that person to use their special serious-face while talking about how special that crap that they're talking about is—and therefore how special the special person who it takes to be so special is.

"Driving" the Tugboat   Prehistoric Rhino

DT St. Paul ahead  

The dude in the restroom used 5 paper towels to dry his hands! I could dry 10 hands with that many! Think about what you use everyday. Are you wasting resources too?

https://www.facebook.com/PrayersForJienaAndMason http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/lees

Raindrops slow and steady Remind me to be ready Water soaks in the ground Tears can fall without a sound Why must it be so hard? Like broken glass, a cutting shard When the night moves slowly in My dreams are sad and from within The daylight breaks in new light I dry the tears I cried all night Today I make another stand Like burning flesh I leave my brand 20140424 — Kevin J. Curtis

  The green bottle sat empty on the table in the break room—next to the microwave and other assorted break room crap. Its cap lay nearby in case someone wanted to cap its emptiness inside to keep it “fresh.” He almost tossed it into the recycler over two weeks ago—but then resisted; wondering how long it would continue to reside on the table before someone (the original owner perhaps!) would dispose of it. Then one day the green bottle lay on its side! It had been knocked over or perhaps toppled from sheer exhaustion! Surely someone would dispose of it now! But no… some kind-hearted soul righted the bottle and once again, it stood proudly; in testament to strength, laziness and downright slovenliness! Long live the empty green bottle he thought! Perhaps some things are enduring! Perhaps there is hope for us all! 

Me and my son stopped at the wildlife refuge visitor center Friday morning. He wanted to "go see animals!"

Easter this year was different for me than most. When I was a child, Easter meant going to church and also a basket of goodies from the Easter Bunny ! This year the weekend was primarily about a funeral. Since it was a Hmong funeral , it encompassed the entire weekend and with only a few hours of sleep since the overnight ceremonies (click here for more information about Hmong funerals) , my wife will join the burial procession on this Monday morning. Aside from a single Easter, I've learned that there are many differences between my culture and my wife's culture. It has at times, lead to difficulties as I have no good reference point to make sense of 3 to 4 day (and night) funerals, among a lengthy list of other practices. These are heavily ingrained into the traditions, culture and spirituality of these people—who I have come to know as part of my family. A funeral service for me, occurs within a few days (not a month) and the (traditional) service itself (not counting g...

Here's a good one you can try! "I will be out of touch and three sheets to the wind on (insert date). If you need something, try me on (insert date)."

The national news is always talking about the weather hardships out east. They only notice in passing that other places have more extreme weather. Click here for the CuTRis version of how the national weather reports are delivered on the network news.

The past few mornings I've been commenting on the wintry weather here in mid April. So today the temperature is about freezing outside with snow just to the north and a "wintry mix" of rain and snow expected in the Twin Cities today. I give up now. I won't make fun of the weather anymore (this week).

This morning the birds are chirping! The Sun is coming up and it is 19 degrees Fahrenheit (-7 Celsius)! It is a fine Sprinter morning!

Winter refuses to let go...

Yesterday was a sunny and pleasant day. I was amazed that the frogs are calling so loudly already—when the ice just thawed and the water is still so cold.   I also saw a couple of deer—who were as curious about me as I was about them.

Prep Ingredients I made a stir fry yesterday for dinner and I decided to share the process for anyone who might like to; but doesn't cook a lot. Stir fry is all about the preparation. Dice up all of your ingredients ahead of time so you can add it as you progress. The order that you add the items should be determined by how long they take to cook—which is sometimes counterintuitive to what you might think. For instance, I always start with my fresh (green) beans if I use them because they will take the longest to cook. Most people want the meat to go first—which makes sense because you not only want it to get done, but you don't want to put it in too late because you want any possible harmful bacteria to be cooked dead. Carrots first— then the meat For this stir fry, I used steak. I cut it up first and coated it with dry spices and then sprinkled (cheap) vodka on it and mixed it together and let it sit. Then I thoroughly cleaned all my utensils and surfaces befor...

There I was waiting behind that bus. I was waiting and waiting as the bus was stopped at the stop sign.   And then I noticed the sign that said "Buses do not stop here." Yet there it was... stopped. And there I was stuck behind it...

With the weather warming, I've seen more duck s flying up from the south. I can tell they were down there because they all have Southern Accents . I figured they would be hungry after the long flight, so I tried feeding them some Duck Sauce . It turns out they don't even like the stuff! Note* If you think this is dumb, so is feeding ducks bread. Bread is not good for them. Buy some whole corn if you must feed them. —KJC

My son has been sick and I'm tired...

Medical Marijuana Sale This Weekend UnAssociated Press April 4, 2014 As the debate over Medical Marijuana continues in Minnesota, all sides have decided to come together this weekend on the Minnesota State Capitol lawn for the purpose of buying and selling Marijuana for medicinal purposes. The UnAssociated Press is not sure if the mother who said Governor Dayton told her to buy it illegally will be there, but hundreds will be hanging out on the State Capitol lawn, listening to music and eating chips on Saturday April 5th from 1:00 PM to 5:00 PM and Sunday April 6th from Noon to 3:00 PM. Vendors will be present with munchies and a tax booth will be provided by the IRS where tax stamps can be purchased; no questions asked.

Finally! Now maybe we can get some answers!

  Snow came down from a darkened sky...

If you are thinking about starting a band, I know where you can get a really good deal on three Rock Star s who come with their own Amplifier s!

Thanks SuperAmerica . I was getting kind of tired of your " Mediocre Fuels."

If you like the Blues Guitar, click HERE . If you like that try THIS .

Dear Yoda, The R2 unit was very slow again this morning. My wife (Leia) let him take a book while he did potty and no potty happened—only book reading. After much screaming I removed the book and eventually took over control of the download. Download was completed and then I uninstalled the R2 unit from the potty. By now we were running late once again. I am now attempting to reprogram the wife to understand that the R2 unit cannot multi-task at this stage. My plan is to have potty be for potty and not for books and toys. Books are fine when R2 is not actively in the potty for downloading. Though there may be a struggle removing the book, this struggle should take place before entering the potty area. Wish me luck! This type of reprogramming is risky business! Sincerely, Han (from a galaxy far, far away....)

We don't need anymore snow!

April Fool!

Every once-in-awhile I have to go to Kmart . There are a few things I can't seem to find anywhere else. For instance, Rustler Jeans . Now that I'm not in sixth grade and I don't have Tom M. making fun of my clothes, shoes, finger nails, hair, (and other things I won't mention), I can buy and wear whatever I want to. I like functional and inexpensive. I also like the old style jeans that can (literally) stand up (against a wall) by themselves after their first washing. Nobody seems to sell these anymore!!! Everything is prewashed, preshrunk, pre-softened, pre-worn! It's ridiculous! If I want worn-out jeans I'll pull some out of my closet!!! Well anyway, the Rustlers have a pretty close replica of real jeans and I can only find them at KameApart . So I went to Kmart and found the Rustlers I wanted except they didn't have my size! They did have my size in a black pair but not the blue. So I decided to try the black pair. When I got to the fitting rooms, a wo...