Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Flamage!
I went to one of those Japanese restaurants where they cook in front of you last night (on a business trip).
Monday, February 20, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Junk Mail
It seems I am always getting junk mail. I get junk phone calls too. People even knock on my door and ignore the "no solicitors" sign in order to try to get me to give them money.
Sometimes, though, the junk mail makes me laugh as it tells me to make things bigger or some other idiotic thing!
Today I had an email from Wen Hair Care Products.
I've been shaving my head since late in 2003, so my question is,
Will it work on my back hair?
Sometimes, though, the junk mail makes me laugh as it tells me to make things bigger or some other idiotic thing!
Today I had an email from Wen Hair Care Products.
I've been shaving my head since late in 2003, so my question is,
Will it work on my back hair?
Monday, February 13, 2012
Cutris to Host Average Person Awards
Cutris to Host Average Person Awards
UnAssociated Press
February 13, 2012
It was announced today that Cutris will host the upcoming Average Person Awards.
With the numerous awards like the Grammys, Latin Grammys, Oscars, Golden Globes, etc., the Average Person Awards are long overdue!
Curtis has experience from hosting the Caucasian Grammys on White Entertainment Television... what??? Oh, sorry, white people are not allowed to have the equivalent of Black Entertainment Television or the Latin Grammys. For that matter, I don't think average people are allowed to receive awards for doing "average" things and living "average" lives.
Cutris will not be hosting the Average Person Awards after all. We at the UnAssociated Press are sorry for wasting your time...
UnAssociated Press
February 13, 2012
It was announced today that Cutris will host the upcoming Average Person Awards.
With the numerous awards like the Grammys, Latin Grammys, Oscars, Golden Globes, etc., the Average Person Awards are long overdue!
Curtis has experience from hosting the Caucasian Grammys on White Entertainment Television... what??? Oh, sorry, white people are not allowed to have the equivalent of Black Entertainment Television or the Latin Grammys. For that matter, I don't think average people are allowed to receive awards for doing "average" things and living "average" lives.
Cutris will not be hosting the Average Person Awards after all. We at the UnAssociated Press are sorry for wasting your time...
Friday, February 10, 2012
Peter Goes to College
By Kevin J. Curtis
No one remembered how the town had gotten its name. Let’s face it; the people who had named it had all died a long time ago. Now he was headed off to college. He didn’t know why he should feel self-conscious about where he came from. After all, he was a Kingbuttz; and the Kingbuttz family had been very influential in the town of Bastard Hollow for as long as anyone could remember.
Bastard Hollow was the only place he had ever lived. That is, up until now. He was on his way to the big city where he had been accepted into Parnell University. He would be moving into a dorm on campus later that day.
He was leaving everything that he loved behind—including, Mitzi Hershel Stanford; who was the prettiest girl in Bastard Hollow. He had been going steady with her for over two years.
Their last meeting had been tense. Mitzi said she couldn’t wait for him. But he knew that he needed to get his education in Micro-Biology. Studying small insects and germs was all he had ever wanted to do.
Studying was something that Peter Kingbuttz didn’t take lightly. He once studied his Captain Crunch cereal box for two years. The cereal was hopelessly spoiled by the time he was finished. It was moldy and full of crawly things—but he ate it anyway just to prove his point.
Now as he rode to college in the trunk of his dad’s car, Peter Kingbuttz could only dream of his future as a grown man; when he could finally ride inside of the car like his father.
Navin Kingbuttz, Peter’s father, was a man of unshakeable confidence. He drove from the front seat of the car—and Peter sometimes wondered from the trunk, if his father hit the bumps in the road harder than he had to; just to teach him a lesson.
The Kingbuttz car had once been a fire truck, and Peter’s mother had once been a man—but that was all in the past now as Peter headed for college and his new adventures.
From inside of the trunk of the car, Peter wondered silently if he would miss his girlfriend Mitzi as much as he would miss his pet armadillo, Heathcliff. Because even though Mitzi was the prettiest girl in Bastard hollow, she weighed over 1,200 lbs. and had large zits on her face. Peter’s armadillo on the other hand, was rather small and cute.
Those were the many thoughts that Peter Kingbuttz had during that fateful car ride in the trunk to college. Then, suddenly, the car stopped and Peter’s father released the trunk latch. Peter crawled out of the trunk and there before him was Parnell University!
Copyright by Kevin J. Curtis – 02/10/2012
No one remembered how the town had gotten its name. Let’s face it; the people who had named it had all died a long time ago. Now he was headed off to college. He didn’t know why he should feel self-conscious about where he came from. After all, he was a Kingbuttz; and the Kingbuttz family had been very influential in the town of Bastard Hollow for as long as anyone could remember.
Bastard Hollow was the only place he had ever lived. That is, up until now. He was on his way to the big city where he had been accepted into Parnell University. He would be moving into a dorm on campus later that day.
He was leaving everything that he loved behind—including, Mitzi Hershel Stanford; who was the prettiest girl in Bastard Hollow. He had been going steady with her for over two years.
Their last meeting had been tense. Mitzi said she couldn’t wait for him. But he knew that he needed to get his education in Micro-Biology. Studying small insects and germs was all he had ever wanted to do.
Studying was something that Peter Kingbuttz didn’t take lightly. He once studied his Captain Crunch cereal box for two years. The cereal was hopelessly spoiled by the time he was finished. It was moldy and full of crawly things—but he ate it anyway just to prove his point.
Now as he rode to college in the trunk of his dad’s car, Peter Kingbuttz could only dream of his future as a grown man; when he could finally ride inside of the car like his father.
Navin Kingbuttz, Peter’s father, was a man of unshakeable confidence. He drove from the front seat of the car—and Peter sometimes wondered from the trunk, if his father hit the bumps in the road harder than he had to; just to teach him a lesson.
The Kingbuttz car had once been a fire truck, and Peter’s mother had once been a man—but that was all in the past now as Peter headed for college and his new adventures.
From inside of the trunk of the car, Peter wondered silently if he would miss his girlfriend Mitzi as much as he would miss his pet armadillo, Heathcliff. Because even though Mitzi was the prettiest girl in Bastard hollow, she weighed over 1,200 lbs. and had large zits on her face. Peter’s armadillo on the other hand, was rather small and cute.
Those were the many thoughts that Peter Kingbuttz had during that fateful car ride in the trunk to college. Then, suddenly, the car stopped and Peter’s father released the trunk latch. Peter crawled out of the trunk and there before him was Parnell University!
Copyright by Kevin J. Curtis – 02/10/2012
Monday, February 06, 2012
Thursday, February 02, 2012
The Fog and the Wood Chuck
In Pennsylvania, they say the Woodchuck saw his shadow this morning. Here in Minnesota it is too foggy (see photo) for that to happen!In the north, we can expect at least six more weeks of winter regardless of shadows, etc.
Happy Groundhog's Day!
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
How to Choose a Republican Nominee
"It's so hard to choose a candidate in the Republican Primaries," complained Jethro. "They all suck!"
"You gots to look at it differ-runtly," said Cletus. "It's like when we is tryin' to get rid of the weevils before they wreck our crops."
"Do tell!" said Jethro--suddenly interested in the intellectual reasoning of his friend Cletus.
"Say we gots to have one kind of weevil on our farm and there ain't no two-ways about it," continued Cletus. "Only thing you got goin' fer you is that you get to pick which kind of weevil yer gonna' have to deal with."
"Ya mean like a Boll weevil? asked Jethro.
"No," replied Cletus. "These is hypo-thet-icul weevils."
"What kind?" asked Jethro.
"Pretend the Republicans on TV is like weevils. You got a big giant weevil, and you gots a much smaller weevil", explained Cletus. "Now if'n you could pick what kind of weevil would you'd druther have to deal with, which one would you pick?"
"I'd pick the lesser of the two weevils!" exclaimed Jethro.
"That's right my friend, and that's how you pick yer Republican candidate," said Cletus.
"You gots to look at it differ-runtly," said Cletus. "It's like when we is tryin' to get rid of the weevils before they wreck our crops."
"Do tell!" said Jethro--suddenly interested in the intellectual reasoning of his friend Cletus.
"Say we gots to have one kind of weevil on our farm and there ain't no two-ways about it," continued Cletus. "Only thing you got goin' fer you is that you get to pick which kind of weevil yer gonna' have to deal with."
"Ya mean like a Boll weevil? asked Jethro.
"No," replied Cletus. "These is hypo-thet-icul weevils."
"What kind?" asked Jethro.
"Pretend the Republicans on TV is like weevils. You got a big giant weevil, and you gots a much smaller weevil", explained Cletus. "Now if'n you could pick what kind of weevil would you'd druther have to deal with, which one would you pick?"
"I'd pick the lesser of the two weevils!" exclaimed Jethro.
"That's right my friend, and that's how you pick yer Republican candidate," said Cletus.