I am CuTRis

I have the week off from work due to MEA. I have a lot of things I want and have to do, so Tuesday (yesterday) I had set aside to go into the (West) Wilkie unit of the Minnesota Valley National Wildlife Refuge. The west end is closed all summer because of the heron nesting colony that resides there. I decided to go hiking, despite a continuous rain. It was 54 degrees Fahrenheit, so it wasn't cold, though I got really wet! There wasn't a lot of wildlife out for viewing, but it was still a beautiful sight. Here are some photos.

My job as the Technical person at the Alternative High School where I work, has meant that I am now setting up and proctoring online exams. Of course, at the alternative learning center, the students are about as interested in taking exams as they are at learning. I'm looking forward to next week, which is conferences and MEA. That's because I have the week off! I'm looking forward to some time in the woods.

The President has vetoed a bill that would allow 4.4 million more children to have health insurance. His reasoning is that it is too expensive. In fact, it would cost 35 billion dollars over five years. The President’s budget proposal for next year (2008) includes a request for another $137 billion for military operations, $5 billion for indigenous security forces, and $3 billion for diplomatic operations and foreign aid. If the requested amounts are appropriated, the total amount of funding provided since 2001 for all operations in the war on terrorism would reach $747 billion. So in short, $35 billion to help American children achieve healthier lives is “too expensive.” Vote Cutris in 2008. http://www.cbo.gov/ftpdoc.cfm?index=8497&type=0

Cutris may have Reinvented the Wheel October 3, 2007 UnAssociated Press Inside sources reporting from outside of Minneapolis, have reported that there are reports circulating about Cutris having reinvented an invention that was already invented, but could be improved by using the reinvention that Cutris has now invented. One source on the outside, reported that insiders have revealed that Cutris may have reinvented the wheel, which is a very old invention indeed. Considering the age of this invention, it was assumed that not much new could be invented to the already often modified concept. Cutris has now, apparently modified numerous modifications in an apparent revamping of the entire concept of the wheel. Cutris was unavailable for comment, but one outside source looking to get inside, reported to reporters that he (Cutris) was seen riding in what appeared to be a car that was rolling on something that appeared to be wheels.

This is too funny! http://www.haruth.com/Jokes/theirack.htm

Yesterday I was asked to setup the PC lab for NWEA testing. I have been at this job for nearly a month, and have had no training on NWEA testing. I waded through documentation, was blown-off by a tech support person (on the phone), and I tried to put this puzzle together. It felt like I was “shooting in the dark.” This morning, I was back at it again. I had decided that the routing path was not right, and I needed to reload the software and direct the path to the correct folder on the correct server. Then I discovered that I could load the program once on one machine, and then copy it onto the network where I could then copy it into each machine and thus skip the installation process for the 25 PC’s. I also had to change a few browser settings and import some data into a shared file on the network. Today felt better, like I might be doing it right. I hope so, but it is hard to come in with no training or experience in a huge application like this and just know what to do. Still, that i...

Yesterday was a good day. My deck was finally finished on my condominium. It got painted, closing a 57 day process that left me without a deck for some of the best weather of the summer. Still, when the maintenance guy who was painting told me that other decks in my vicinity are now going to be condemned for structural reasons, I knew that I was lucky and once again, “someone” is looking out for me. It all started when my patio door was getting stuck, and I produced the letter that I received when I moved in, saying that my deck would be replaced last year and my patio door this summer. My jammed door was replaced and then the maintenance guys said they would do my deck the next day. Due to rotting support beams, it got kind of out-of-hand and became a really big project that a contractor had to be hired to fix. I’m going to need to sell one of these days, and it would be hard to sell a condo with a condemned deck. Now I have the finest deck in the kingdom! At my new tech job, I have ...

Why is it called the “missionary position?” Is it the position favored by missionaries? Is it a blatant reference to the many sexual improprieties perpetrated by a certain segment of religious clergy? Perhaps it has nothing to do with missionaries. Maybe it simply means that you are on a mission! Merriam Webster online says it is a name given to the position by Trobriand islanders. These people are from islands in the SW Pacific, in the Solomon Sea; attached to Papua New Guinea. Perhaps they noticed a lot of missionaries using this position.

In a world where no one seems to give a crap, at least my butt does.

Today I was planning to re-image ten laptops. Then the calls came in. We are experiencing network difficulties. It is in two phases. The wireless connection is unavailable in certain areas of the building. The other issue is some PC’s in certain rooms are alternating between connected to, and not connected to the network –and back and forth. This is happening on desktops wired directly into the network. I’m waiting for a call from the Network Administrator, who is currently investigating an error message involving a bogus virus warning. In the meantime, I have a teacher who can’t wait for the situation to be fixed, and has swapped the teacher machine for a student machine. What was “accomplished” here, is that these machines had to be reset after the teacher’s attempts to fix the problem herself. The problem is not with the PC’s, but with the network . Impatience causes more work for me. I believe that I shall never want for something to do on this job.

My new job is going pretty well. On the seventh day, I had to re-image (clone) a whole computer lab. That was 25 PCs, and it takes a long time. It really has nothing to do with me being new, because I know the procedures; it’s just that there are a whole lot of them. I believe I have to log into each PC four times before I have all of the settings completed. I was also encountering network problems too, and had to route around them to finish re-imaging. I think it might be one of our master switches, so I have Bob coming out to look at it. “I’ll be talkin’ to Bob,” (Blues Brothers reference). I really like my new gig though. I’ve been keeping really busy, and I’m learning a lot of things.

On the anniversary of 9-11, I would like to stress the following ideal. No matter who you are, you cannot and should not attempt to make anyone else adopt your personal set of beliefs. This includes your religious beliefs, ideological beliefs and so on. Whether you are the President of the USA, a cowardly terrorist, or an immigrant who is trying to force your future in-laws to follow your one-thousand-year-old traditions, you have no right to expect others to live their lives the way your think they should. Here in America, we are free to choose, though some would argue that “we are doing it all wrong.” I will not become a Muslim, simply because al Qaeda says that I should. I will not change my mind, and decide that the war in Iraq is a good thing because George W. Bush thinks that I should. I will not alter my core values because someone is threatening me. I am an American. I am proud of the fact that I am an individual. I am proud of my personal convictions. I am a good person, even ...

As we approach the sixth anniversary of the cowardly attacks on civilians in the World Trade Center, Osama bin Laden is supposedly (according to al Qaeda’s media production company) going to release a new video, and why not? His others were such big hits! What really caught everyone’s eye was the picture of Osama sporting a new, darker beard without all of the grey. Could it be that bin Laden has discovered Grecian Formula? It seems that the man, who lives in a cave and wears a dirty-white-cloth robe, is vain enough to dye his beard! What a dork. Hint, maybe it's an old picture...

While I haven’t been hiking as often as I would like, due to things li ke flooding, mosquitoes, heavy plant growth and lack of free time, I have wanted to get out into the woods again. I like the cooler months for hiking, and those long months are getting close now. While I really enjoy hiking off-trail, I also use many of the existing trails. In fact, I am active in maintaining these trails when needed. Sometimes a tree or other plant may start growing in or across a trail. Then I need to remove it, by whatever means that I have available. On other occasions, trees sometimes fall or are blown down by strong winds. Here again, if the logs aren’t too large, I will often remove them from the trail. Sure it can be difficult work sometimes, but a few minutes of effort to keep a trail open is well worth it.

I (officially) started my new technical job today, with the new school year .

Michael Vick, (now former) quarterback of the Atlanta Falcons, grew up in public housing and went on to become a highly paid, NFL football star. Then, he was caught in a dog fighting ring. Vick decided that it was okay to force animals to fight to the death for the opportunity to bet on them. It is further alleged, that Vick executed dogs that “underperformed.” If Mr. Vick was enslaved and forced into a brutal existence, I am guessing that he would see such a thing as being horrible, and he would (rightly) point an accusing finger at those responsible. Yet, this man who went from poverty to wealth, decided that he had the right to enslave and force animals to fight and die for entertainment. Another disturbing trend in modern society is the popularity of fight leagues and tough man competitions. Some fans have told me that it is simply a sport. I find it disturbing that crowds of people cheer as someone gets beaten up. The Romans had the coliseum, and practiced blood sport. Crowds ch...

Cutris will not be returning to his former role as "The Bald Eagle," at the Jr. High, working in detention and campus security. He will now be a Technology Assistant at a high school.

Cutris has solved the question of who the first lady will be once he is elected to be U.S. President in 2008, by a landslide, write-in victory.

While watching the news recently, it seems that yet again, the space shuttle was damaged in precisely the same way that it has been damaged (repeatedly) in the past. This was also the reason for the Columbia disaster. A piece of insulating foam broke loose during launch, hit the heat-resistant tiles on the underside of the shuttle, and broke the tiles. This leads me to ask, “What is wrong here? Is it that the foam is too strong, or are the tiles too fragile?” When I think of “foam,” I do not have an image of something that is either hard or sharp. When I think of “tile,” I would not try to breakup tiles, using a piece of foam (though apparently that would work!). If someone tried to rob me, and he made the threat of using a piece of foam on me if I didn’t give him my wallet, I would not be overly concerned. I would actually be more alarmed by a “tile-wielding” assailant! Was the tile made in China? Why does it crack when it is hit by a piece of foam? Isn’t there stronger tile? Why ...

The collapse of a bridge on a well used section of 35W, spanning the Mississippi River on August 1, was frightening, extremely sad, and nothing short of a wakeup call for all of America. While our government is busy spending billions of our tax dollars overseas to fight unethical wars and rebuild countries such as Iraq, our own infrastructure back home is an tiquated and quickly becoming dangerous. Here in Minnesota, we are exposed to a severe climate that swings from cold, ice and snow, to temperatures nearing 100 degrees Fahrenheit, like we’ve had frequently this summer. This, combined with salt and other chemicals used to combat the ice in winter, causes corrosion that tends to crumble concrete and steel over time. In Minneapolis, there are plans to replace a sports arena (Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome) that was built in 1982, but the bridge that toppled Wednesday evening during rush-hour traffic, was built in 1967. Cl early, our priorities are in question or there is a general sen...

I have heard over the last couple of days, about an arms deal that the Bush administration wants for Saudi Arabia. The particulars keep changing with each new story, as the original monetary figure was 40 billion dollars (and 30 billion dollars in military aid to Israel). This figure dropped significantly the next time I heard about it, yet what is a “billion dollars???” How on Earth, could anyone believe that it is a good idea to sell the Saudis sophisticated weaponry? Doesn’t President Bush (even with his low intelligence) know that this material will find its way into the hands of those who are fighting U.S. troops in the Mid-east? Doesn’t anyone in the White house know that the Saudis fund and produce more terrorists than all the other countries? In order to appease Israel, who will obviously be upset about this deal, the idea is to give them $30 billion in military aid. So… this means that the United States is going to dump some $70 billion in high-tech weapons into the Mid-east ...

I left home at 9:15AM on Monday, July 23, 2007 . I picked up my travel partner and we were on the road by 10:00AM. We arrived in Sauk Centre, MN at noon. The Bear Trap was closed being it was Monday, so we ate at McDonalds. We also toured the location of my parents’ (former) cabin. After a brief stop at Fleet Supply, we continued on to Detroit Lakes. We got gas and went to the Tamarac National Wildlife Refuge . It was 97 degrees Fahrenheit, with high humidity. As an added “bonus,” the deerflies were out in numbers that were greater than I ever remember. I had camped in this refuge when I was eleven-years-old, with my Boy Scout troop 500 (on a canoe trip). I remember it being ruggedly beautiful, and full of old Indian burial mounds and houses. On this day, we limited our outdoor activities and opted for the auto tour. Several hundred deerflies accompanied the car as we drove along. We returned to Detroit Lakes, MN and got a room at the Budget Host Motel. We ate at Country Kitchen and s...

I have a single stalk of corn growing on the deck of my condominium. It is in a large pot. I didn’t intend to grow corn, but Dave had to start his corn in pots, because the ground squirrels dug up the corn kernels before they could germinate when he put them directly in the garden. He had extra plants, so I planted some of them in Neng’s garden but the squirrels tore them apart. Dave still had extras, so I put a couple more in Neng’s garden –which were destroyed by squirrels in short order. I kept one to grow on my deck. My corn stalk is on the very edge of my north facing deck, so it gets “sideways” sun for a short time in the morning and evening. I don’t know how well it will do, and I even found a squirrel on my deck this morning! Just as a farm dog is different from a family pet, my corn is not so much a crop, as it has taken on the role of a plant-pet. Its close proximity to my living space allows for a more intimate knowledge of the corn’s personality than one gets from a field o...

Do you ever wish it was easier to view wild animals in the wild? There is a good reason that it is often difficult. It’s just thousands of years of being hunted/shot at when they show themselves that has allowed the wary animals to survive and reproduce, while those that were careless perished.

What if you were destined for greatness (sometime in the future)? What if you never realized it? Are some people filled with the talent and skill, yet never afforded the opportunity? Are others presented with the opportunity, but never possess the skills and talent? Do some people achieve greatness due to circumstances? Certainly we have seen leaders who have achieved greatness in a particular area, due to circumstances. Neither Ulysses S. Grant, nor William Tecumseh Sherman were particularly great in “regular,” peacetime life, while both proved to be exceptionally talented militarily. In Mark Twain’s, Captain Stormfield’s Visit to Heaven, an interesting concept comes up, as illustrated by this quote, "Oh, a LOT of people WE never heard of before - the shoemaker and horse-doctor and knife-grinder kind, you know - clodhoppers from goodness knows where that never handled a sword or fired a shot in their lives - but the soldiership was in them, though they never had a chance to show...

Cutris arrives in a late model sedan and walks into the bookstore using the rear entrance. The setting is quaint yet posh, complete with little crackers, meat spreads and various cheeses and crap. Cutris complains that the bread is too small. Then Cutris demands that both New York and Chicago style pizzas vie for his attention before he gets annoyed! Pizzas are brought in, and Cutris is much appeased. Forty-nine readers stand in line, waiting for Cutris to sign their books. Just then, KXLF Radio announces that Cutris is doing a book-signing at Deward’s Discount Books & Stationary. Soon, 8,227 people are in line. The Tonight Show people call. Cutris fakes an English accent and becomes his own agent, Dirk McCoy. McCoy’s two associates, Dingus McHarold and Billy Two-Shots arrive with musical instrument cases, and the people at the store are sorely afraid. McHarold and Two-Shots give Cutris a guitar and ask him to jam a couple of his songs while they accompany him. KXLF announces the...

Someone has been putting those annoying post-it notes on the cars in the parking lot where I live. They advertise, “Make $CASH$ blah blah blah…” I have an idea for one of my own… Learn how to kick the asses of people who put post-it note™ messages on your car! Ask me how!!! http://cutris.blogspot.com/

This last weekend the weather was fantastic. I spent a lot of time outside too. On Saturday, after going to the Farmer's Market, I attended the Hmong Festival in St. Paul at Como Park. It was amazing how many people were there, most of them being Hmong. Later that same day, I attended the International Festival in Burnsville, which was also well attended –though the venue was a bit smaller. Sunday, I went to Canterbury Park in Shakopee, for my annual trip to see horseracing. There are so many things going on in the summer, and so little time!

In the scheme of the world, there is much debate about our importance. In the past, nuclear war was a frightening prospect, because “we could blow up the whole world!” Could we actually destroy the planet, or would we just affect global changes that would destroy humanity and several other species –while the world just continues on without us? No doubt, we humans have affected great changes on the planet. Just a few centuries ago, life was very different. People had to grow, hunt and barter for food. They also had to carry water. They had to cut wood to heat their homes that they had to build. Today, we buy food at the grocery store, buy houses with money from working jobs, and we have electricity, water/sewer, and here in the Midwest, natural gas piped in to heat our homes. When I hike the Minnesota Valley National Wildlife Refuge lands, I see that there are high-voltage lines spanning the area above, gas lines beneath the ground, and there is a huge power-plant at Black Dog. Black Do...

Poor workmanship, inferior quality, yet filled with deadly toxins, Chinese imports: because they’re cheaper. Chinese translation, 差,裝修質量低劣,但裝有致命毒素,中國進口 :因為他們便宜.

I had an interview downtown for a job yesterday. When I returned, I had a call from a “human resources person,” who said she found my resume on a job-temp site… doubtful… Anyway, she said she was from the National Guard, and I was “qualified” for several jobs they are trying to fill. I asked if I had to enlist and she said “yes.” I didn’t have to ask what the job was, as I wasn’t interested in driving a supply truck in Iraq. Things must be desperate to try to recruit an “old” guy like me…

My current novel in progress, “Cottonwood,” is perhaps, half done at this point. That is my plan, but these things often have a “life” of their own, which goes in directions that I never expected. My research has been exhausting lately, and as in my first book, I find it quite a job to extrapolate “reality” from historical accounts that either contradict each other, or deal with illiterate cultures from the long ago. I have been working on the subject of American Indian burial mounds. My novel takes place over approximately two centuries of pivotal history in the Minnesota River Valley. It staggers the mind to think about the changes that have taken place and the cultures that existed in the areas where we now live. In some unfortunate cases, the remains of these past peoples have been destroyed in the name of progress and development. I have had some difficulty finding details of ceremonies, due to the sacred subject matter. There is also some politics involved, as well as a desire in...

While stereotypes are never 100% accurate, they exist because of a certain, underlying element of truth. Often, they are like a caricature of reality. In this spirit, I have playfully looked at some racial stereotypes, and also used some firsthand things that I have witnessed. It seems that when a Caucasian and an African-American are engaged in a debate (argument), if the Caucasian uses logic to his advantage, it will likely be trumped by an even more powerful tool, the allegation that the white person is a racist. Once this allegation is levied, the white person is presumed guilty until proven innocent. It is as if a black hole in space has grabbed hold of the Caucasian, and it sucks him into the depths of doom. At the school where I work, I noticed that the Latino students are now actively using this technique as well. My observations seem to indicate that whatever the black kids are doing today, the Hispanic kids will be doing next week. I think we have seen this demonstrated with ...

School is out in two more days. I'm (staff) done in three. I'm ready for a break.

Presidential Candidate Cutris, "weighs in" on Terrorists... "Terrorists piss me off!" Vote for Cutris (aka Kevin J. Curtis) in 2008. Terrorists piss him off!

There are few things that I could possibly care less about than who the next American Idol is; even though I did meet Ryan Seahorse... http://cutris.blogspot.com/2006/04/cutris-meets-ryan-seacrest.html

Yesterday there was a story on KARE 11, http://www.kare11.com/news/news_article.aspx?storyid=254861 about the fluctuating gas prices in the Twin Cities. They found that other areas where Superamerica wasn't the dominant provider, there was much less price changing. My blog addressed this issue in March of 2006. http://cutris.blogspot.com/2006/03/variable-gas-prices.html Superamerica never got back to me when I asked about their prices going up and down so frequently. I was promised an answer when I asked the question on their website. I guess maybe after 14 months, I shouldn't expect much. Here's their website in case you want to ask. http://www.speedway.com/ This is why I choose to avoid Superamerica whenever possible. We don't need companies playing games with us.

http://www.twincities.com/ci_5911166

While working at the school, I’ve noticed an ironic and disturbing trend. The minority students that get in trouble (and put into detention where I work), frequently blame racism as the reason they get into trouble. This removes the responsibility from themselves for their own bad behavior, and puts that responsibility on society (or more accurately, Caucasians). I find it ironic that most of these same students have absolutely no desire to learn or do well in school. In fact, their primary goal seems to be to disturb class to make sure that no one can learn. The irony here, is that all of the great civil rights leaders (like Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.), preached education as the means to rise above oppression. A separate bit of irony is that in the suburbs where this school is located, the kids do not have to have any gang affiliations in order to survive. Yet, that is what they want and pursue above all else.

I killed a centipede this morning. I killed it with extreme prejudice. Out of all the cool bugs and things, for some reason I can't stand centipedes. Maybe it's how fast they are, or how if you only smack half of it, the other half might run away. Or, maybe it's because they are so gross -especially when the legs move after you kill it. How come you never see them outside? I wouldn't mind them then. I only see them inside for some reason.

Just a day before Kentucky Derby 133, I am once again, reminded of the emphasis put on sports, and how academics has somehow slipped to a lower status. We can see this in the way that professional athletes are treated, the huge paychecks they receive, and how they are called “heroes,” though they are not actually doing anything more than playing a game –even though they may do it very well. Those who achieve academic excellence may get some recognition and good paying jobs, but few are those who will reach the status or wealth of a good pro athlete. This trend has extended into the animal kingdom. The prize money and status of horseracing’s winners, is huge. A Triple-Crown winner becomes a historical icon. These Thoroughbreds receive the best food, training, and a lot of drugs. In this way, it is much the same as it is with human beings in professional sports. But what about the academic standouts in the equine world? I once saw a horse that could answer math problems by stamping the ...

Cutris Solves (all but seven of) the Entire List of Problems Dealing with the Mysteries of Life May 3, 2007 UnAssociated Press Inside sources have reported that Cutris took time out from his busy schedule, to work on the entire list of problems dealing with the mysteries of life. He allegedly found the list on the Internet and printed it out before beginning the project. After working on it for several hours, Cutris was able to make sense of the entire list, except for seven items. “Those last seven are pretty hard,” Cutris was quoted as saying. “I can try again in a few weeks. Maybe some of those ‘brainy’ types should have a go at it. Right now, they just don’t seem to make a lot of sense.” Scientists are now trying to verify Cutris’ findings, and they say that he has contributed greatly to the overall database of scientific knowledge by figuring out all but those odd seven mysteries on the list. Whether or not Cutris will be able to solve the last seven mysteries is, in itself, a mys...

My school (where I work) just went into lockdown. We're safe, but things are really wild... This was put out... Public Info On 4-20-07 a staff member from XXXXXX Junior High School found an unspent cartridge in a hallway within the school. We immediately “locked-down” the school and notified the XXXXX Police Department. Police officials are assisting staff members with a search of the premises. At this time, no one is allowed to come or leave the school to ensure the safety of students and staff members. Please leave your phone # and we can update you when more information is available.. Thanks for your call

April 20, 2007 Cycle 1, Blue Planet Interstellar Traveler, Unglip Reporting This is my fourth visit to the Blue Planet. I have not, in my three previous visits seen any remoflactions of intelligent life. It has been an entire solar cycle since I have been here. My initial reaction was one of disbelief. The bipedal beings are still using bio-toxins to power everything from their quad-rolling transports, to the increasing or decreasing of the temperature in their dwellings. They also continue to be preoccupied with holding radio transmitters to their auditory canals and communicating endlessly about Patussi-knows-what, in a loud manner. I have chosen to explore the warmer half of the planet. There were plenty of brain cell damaging beverages when I arrived at an outdoor gathering. The event I materialized into, featured several beings using amplified noise making devices and screaming into vocal amplifiers. They did this in a rhythmical pattern and it seemed to be appreciated by those wh...

Below is the first "Unglip" story, which predates this blog. ---------------------------------------------------------- August 26, 2004 Cycle 3, Blue Planet Interstellar Traveler, Unglip Reporting. I have been trying to blend in since arriving here. I do not have a rolling, transportation device or a portable, electronic unit to vocalize into while I walk or drive. I'm afraid it has caused me to stand out. During the previous cycle of the sun, I attempted to ride the long transport that picks these beings up on the corners of the rolling-surface. I got onboard, and I was looked at harshly and the operator vocalized and motioned toward a machine. I had seen someone put small metal disks into it, and I attempted to insert three domblecks into the slot. The machine would not accept them and I was (I'm assuming) told to leave the transport. I did not understand the vocalizations, but it sounded like, "dam-for-ener!" I proceeded to a sustenance depot, where I beg...

What does a coward look like? Just like what you see in the picture. Shooting unarmed people is not heroic by any stretch of the imagination. It takes an extreme coward. How sad that anyone could be so screwed-up. http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/04/17/vtech.shooting/index.html

I never cared much for Imus. Ironically, one of the biggest, self-proclaimed, political correctness gurus that I’ve ever known loves Imus, but that’s another story... I always saw Imus as a mumbling, grouchy old man. Still, even here in the “land of the easily offended,” I thought there was supposed to be “freedom of speech.” If Don Imus offends you, don’t watch or listen to him. This is your right, and it will soon affect his ratings when others join you. Once his ratings go low enough, his sponsors will pull his funding and he will go off the air. That said, he does have the right to say what he wants to, even if it is completely stupid, as were his comments about the Rutgers University, women’s basketball team, when he referred to them as “nappy-headed ho’s.” The TV news is filled with this moronic story today. Al Sharpton, get a life. Please everybody... just put this into perspective. No one died. It was completely stupid, what he said and also undeserving of anymore of our time. ...

Spring Break is nearly over! Where did the time go? I got a cold and so, had to cancel some visits. The weather was rainy, snowy at times, and windy. That made hiking difficult considering my usual places are flooding. A phone call yesterday informed me that a coworker died in a car accident out of state. Perhaps I need to put on my tall boots and go hiking anyway...

Once upon a time, there was a Beta fish on a shelf in a pet store. In the store in his tiny bowl, he ferociously swam at the other male Betas nearby. He swam so vigorously, that his new owner called him “Spaz,” and took him home. Spaz was the king of his new two-gallon bowl, and he was ready to protect it against any other male Betas who might try to invade his territory. Spaz grew up into a large, purple fish, who sometimes showed more blue or more red; and even a hint of green depending on the light. His fins grew long, and he was a large and most impressive looking fish. When he flared his gill covers to warn others to stay away, he looked quite fearsome. Then one day, Spaz saw another male Beta looking at him. Spaz approached cautiously, ready to defend his territory. When he got a good look at the other fish, he noticed that it was very large and had striking colors and long fins that looked like gauze skirts. For the first time ever, Spaz was unsure about rushing into a fight wit...

Yesterday I went hiking in the 8o degree Fahrenheit (26.67 degrees Celsius) heat. We got two feet of snow earlier in the month, and there was still a large patch of compressed snow at the edge of the woods near the swamp. I was hot, and walked out onto the snow to cool off. I was still hot. The sun was strong, and though I was surrounded by snow, it was still hot. How weird is that?

At the school district where I work, they are eliminating art from most of the elementary schools. How can you not have art for kids? This is the result of budget cuts. At a time when the USA should strive to become the economic superpower that it could/should be, employers are all cutting back and consumers are paying more than ever before for goods and services. Instead of being the world’s police force, America should fix the economy. Foreign wars are draining our wealth; unless of course, your income is tied to oil profits… The current administration is both funding a war and cutting taxes for the wealthy. That puts an extra burden on the local governments to tax more to make up for the shortage from the federal. Meanwhile, “bright boy” in the White House talks about, the “No-Child-Left-Behind” program like it is a lofty accomplishment. While Special Education continues to require more money from school districts, the rest of the students are now losing out on such programs as art,...

Cutris Makes Deal with Mexico March 22, 2007 UnAssociated Press It was reported today by inside sources who were found standing outside, that Cutris has just closed an important deal with Mexico. This deal would give Canada the right to buy oil from China, after it was pumped from wells in Brazil. Not much more is known about the deal, or if Cutris himself will profit from the revenues gained by Portugal. Australian sources seemed to indicate that Cutris would not make any monetary gains by the deal, but rather, he was simply settling a bet between Russia and Iran, as a favor to Pakistan.

After seeing an osprey while hiking last week, Cutris has taught himself to fly! Over the weekend, Cutris was seen flying around the 7-county metro area. When asked how he did it, Cutris denied that he had been flying, and said that he was just practicing his "Kung Fu" training.

In the olden days, before there were nights, there lived a prince named King. King the prince was in love with a beautiful girl named Slumina, who worked in the local sewage treatment facility just outside of town. King’s father, the Duke of Buttington did not approve of Slumina, and did all he could to discourage his son from romancing the girl. Unfortunately for the Duke, his son was smitten by Slumina and would not listen to reason. Then that guy named Stu came to town and started up a strip club. Slumina got a job at the club, and soon made enough money to start her own dog-walking business. Prince King married Slumina and they had two children, their son Hector, and daughter, Fall-Guy. The Duke of Buttington became a regular at Stu’s club, and spent his entire fortune there. Eventually, Stu became very rich and died of a drug overdose. The Duke of Buttington became a sorter at the sewage treatment facility outside of town. Slumina expanded her dog-walking business and became one o...

I see a reoccurring and disturbing trend with the students at the school where I work. It is something that I dealt with when I worked for the county government as well. Minority students are more and more, blaming their poor behavior on the racism of others. In this case, it is their teachers who are being called racists. The “race card,” as it has become known as, provides a certain amount of undeniable leverage in a dispute. Some minorities have learned this, and worse yet, they are now teaching it to their children. The seventh graders I work with would not know about such things if they hadn’t been taught about it. Bad behavior is bad behavior. Race is not the issue. In fact, the question should not be, “why are we disciplining minority students so frequently,” but rather, “why are certain groups more prone to behavior problems?” It should be noted that not all of the minority groups are overly represented in detention, and yes, there are more than one or two minority groups. So w...

After a "brown" Christmas, and a lack of snow and cold, we got the cold early in February and the snow late the same month. We all remember what winter is supposed to be like now.

Brittney Spears tries to be like CUTRIS February 21, 2007 UnAssociated Press While numerous “talking heads” are trying to figure out what happened to Brittney Spears, inside sources report that her bizarre behavior stems from her jealous desire to be like Cutris. Several years ago, Brittney came into possession of a cassette tape of EFS (Electric Frog Syrup Band) music, which came from Cutris’ (AKA Kevin J. Curtis) band. The tape came from drummer Pete, who gave it to some guy named Jeff, who gave it to several more people until it ended up with Brittney Spears. Brittney heard the tape, which was described as being a “crappy boom-box recording,” and she found herself longing to play/sing real music. When she found out who Cutris was, she soon began imitating him. This jealous rivalry peaked lately, when she decided to cut her hair off so that she could look more like Cutris. “The kids in detention at the school where he works call him ‘The Bald Eagle.’ That’s so cool!!!” said Brittn...

Anna Nicole Smith, we are so sick of hearing about you. She was famous for using sex, (i.e. Playboy, marrying a really old tycoon, etc.) to become rich and famous. It is likely that she overdosed on Methadone (like her son did), which is a powerful drug used to counteract the effects of heroin addiction. I learned about Methadone while working for the Hennepin County Chemical Health Division. Heroin is a short acting drug that mimics brain chemicals. Addicts use it and they get high. Then when they come down, they get sick. Methadone is actually quite powerful and more addictive than heroin. It is used to stabilize heroin addicts. Because it is long acting, a person only needs to dose once per day. A physician monitors the dose so the patient is stabilizing, rather than getting high. In the wrong hands, this drug can be lethal. Even now, there are at least half-a-dozen men claiming to be the father of Smith’s baby. What an embarrassing crowd to be part of! There is also a fight over he...

During the halftime show of Superbowl XLI, Prince played his guitar behind a curtain, producing a silhouette that appeared to look like a two-headed penis. CBS and the NFL were both adamant that this was purely accidental, and Prince does not have a penis, let alone a two-headed one.

People often ask me about animals and nature. Recently I was presented with the question of whether or not a groundhog (or woodchuck, or marmot) can actually predict if there is going to be an early spring or not. My answer is, "probably." That said, why would the groundhog care about telling us? I think they might be inclined to give us "misinformation."

A small balm, possibly a Chapstick, was found on a local street today. Police were called to investigate the balm, and citizens in the area were evacuated for their own protection in case the balm might explode. The bomb squad was dispatched, but upon arrival refused to defuse the balm, because it wasn’t a bomb. Several seconds passed, before local citizen, Cutris arrived on the scene. After pulling a tissue from his pocket, he picked up the balm and deposited it into a nearby trash receptacle, thus saving the day. Cutris was unavailable for comment, as he was heading home to do some baking.

January 24, 2007 President George W. Bush, I listened to your State of the Union Speech last evening. Some of it was what we were waiting for, like alternative energy. Some of it was misinformation, like Iraq. In the end, I regret to tell you that I don’t believe you. Sincerely, Kevin J. Curtis

Today the CEO’s of several major U.S. corporations asked President Bush to implement tougher standards to limit the production of greenhouse gases that may be causing global warming. The President has refused saying voluntary limits are the way to go. What is wrong when the president refuses to help when corporations want to stop pollution???

Presidential Exploratory Committee January 19, 2007 UnAssociated Press Cutris announced today, that he is forming a presidential campaign exploratory committee. It will be called the, Cutris should be President because regular politicians are making stupid decisions that really suck and are making it hard for the average person to get by in our society and it’s time for a major change like putting Cutris in the White House, committee.

Last evening, as did a huge number of other people, I watched as George W. Bush made the case to add approximately 22,000 more American soldiers in Iraq. The speech came sometime after the evening news, where the top story (in the Twin Cities) had been about yet another Minnesota soldier who had just died in Iraq. When the President came on and laid out “his plan,” I began to wonder why he thought he could go against what seems to be a huge majority of U.S. citizens, who want to bring American troops home and get our military out of Iraq? In a “democratic” country, shouldn’t the people have the last word? Does this make our President a president, or a dictator? Does this mean that our leader is no better than the one who was overthrown in Iraq? These are all questions that flew through my mind, as I also wondered if the President had heard of another military conflict called, The Vietnam War. Have you ever known someone who tried to fix something, and the more they tried, the more it ...

I have put a link to Will Steger’s Global Warming 101 on my links list to the right. http://www.globalwarming101.com/ Global Warming is some pretty scary stuff. Personally, I like to think of environmental issues, such as recycling and conservation, as self-serving things. Perhaps we should all think of it that way. It is, after all, the only planet that I am aware of, that we can live on. We ought to take care of it.

For my friend who I tease about this... White Guy Brand White Rice (commercial) Camera follows Cutris walking and talking… “When I was a kid, my mom made rice every day for breakfast. There’s nothing more satisfying than a ball of sticky-rice in the morning.” Cutris stops, camera zooms slowly in, to medium close-up… “When I went to school, the other kids would be eating their peanut butter & jelly sandwiches at lunchtime, but I would have my white rice, that I carried in a bamboo tube around my neck.” Graphic of logo comes into view as Cutris continues… “I learned to make good rice over all those years, and now I want you to be able to enjoy it as much as I do. That’s why you should look for White Guy Brand White Rice at your grocery store.” Camera widens slowly… “Because nobody knows rice like a white guy.” Commercial fades out…

I saw a Gummie Bear™ on the floor at the school today. It was filthy. It lay there, full of dust and dirt and looking like it had been in a fight. Maybe it had! Gummie Bears have sometimes been known to attack! Sure they look innocent… but if you saw the one that I saw today, it would send a chill down your spine. I left it alone, and hurried down the hall away from it… to safety. I wasn’t going to take any chances.