VORTEX

VORTEX

By Kevin J. Curtis

           

Reginald Vortex was the furthest thing from a superhero. He was smallish and slightly overweight. He wore glasses and had a rather prominent nose. Beneath this protuberance, was a thin line of a moustache that adorned his upper lip.

Next-door to Reginald and his wife Twitchy, lived the Butt-Pollens; with whom Reginald did not get along well with. The family was crass and insisted on making everything their business—and shouting advice to Reginald at any given moment.

“You ought to trim that bush,” barked Oscar Butt-Pollen; patriarch of the Butt-Pollen family.

Reginald looked at the small, scraggly spirea and replied, “Yeah, maybe.”

Oscar’s wife Ginger Butt-Pollen was hanging dingy underwear from an equally dingy clothesline. She added, “I’d paint that fence if I was you.”

Reginald looked at the weathered wooden fence and replied, “Yeah, maybe.”

The Butt-Pollen’s son Max came whooshing past down the sidewalk on his skateboard. He scared the bejeezus out of Reginald’s cat Morris, who he’d named after the cat in the TV commercials from the 70’s.

“You should get rid of that cat!” yelled Max Butt-Pollen as he flew past.

“Definitely not!” shouted Reginald Vortex—as he began to grow annoyed.

“See here!” yelled back Oscar Butt-Pollen. “No need to take it out on the boy! We all know that cat is a menace!”

“How so?” challenged Reginald.

“Why it…” began Oscar. But before he could continue, the Butt-Pollen’s dog, Major Butt-Pollen, was at the weathered wooden fence barking his challenge to the Vortex cat.

Knowing exactly where the fence was and that he could circumvent the structure while the barking dog could not, Morris Vortex hissed loudly at Major Butt-Pollen before hopping on the top of the fence and trotting down its length with the dog in fast pursuit.

“There!” shouted Oscar Butt-Pollen. “Do you see now what a menace that feline is?”

“All I can see or hear is your dog barking,” replied Reginald.

“Reginald!” called out Twitchy from the window of their bungalow. “What has that dog so upset?”

“He’s a menace!” Reginald shouted back at his wife.

“See here!” shouted Oscar Butt-Pollen.

“Put a sock in it!” Reginald shouted back; as he stepped through the side door of his garage and pulled it closed behind him.

Once inside, Reginald reached down and grabbed the bumper of his Dodge pickup truck. Slowly he lifted the front end off of the garage floor. When the truck was a foot off the ground, he slowly set it back down. Just then, Twitchy opened the door.

“What are you doing in here?” she asked.

“I just lifted my truck a foot off the ground,” replied Reginald.

Twitchy looked pensive, and then she began to laugh. “Sure you did Reggie,” she said as she laughed her way back into the house.

Off in the distance, a loud explosion blasted through the peaceful neighborhood! Reginald Vortex looked up from his daydreaming and pulled down the stairway that led up into the attic at the top of the garage. He climbed up the steps and quickly came back down wearing a cape, tights and a red tunic. Exiting the garage via a secret back entrance, he emerged in the alley between the Vortex garage and the Butt-Pollen garage. Suddenly and without warning, Reginald had become “The Vortex!”

Reaching upward, The Vortex began to rise above the houses. He flew across the neighborhood at a blinding speed and landed seven blocks away at the site of a building collapse! Quickly, the superhero pushed the brickwork back into place as he righted the building and flew back toward home—satisfied that he had once again, saved the day!

Back at the site of the building collapse, the demolition crew looked confused as they stared at the building they had painstakingly set explosives inside of before setting off the charges to implode the outdated structure.

After landing in the alley and entering his garage through the secret entrance, Reginald quickly changed in the garage attic before coming back down the stairs and lifting the ladder back up to close the attic entrance. He walked back out into his yard and was immediately noticed by the Butt-Pollens.

“Did you hear that explosion?” asked Oscar Butt-Pollen.

“It sounded like the entire city was being bombed!” said Ginger Butt-Pollen.

“Yeah, maybe,” said Reginald Vortex; as he escaped into his bungalow.

KJC20150812