Saturday, March 30, 2019

The Shitfuk Institute


Shitfuk Institute

By Kevin J. Curtis

Copyright 2019


              He was employed in the lowest of the low jobs known to humankind. He worked the help-desk at the Shitfuk Institute. While others on the upper floors enjoyed rank and status, the help-desk worked in the basement below the basement. Cleaning up technological messes was their primary focus. Each day, new work and responsibilities were given to the help-desk team with no thought or planning. Data was important to management, so they manipulated the numbers with great zealousness. 
              He had joined the Shitfuk Institute two years earlier and was originally proud to be part of Shitfuk Industries, headquartered at 456 Bada Bing Road. The corporation had been created a hundred years earlier by a retired army major named, Hugh G. Shitfuk. Major Shitfuk had been instrumental in defeating Ethiopia during the Tinsel War.
              Late in the previous fiscal year, the Shitfuk Institute had implemented a patent on Guilt-Free Penguins; which drove Shitfuk stock up by over nine-fold in just eighteen seconds—and helped to improve garbage collection along route 2 in Perkinsburg, Louisiana. Chief Zanzibar, Martin Douglas was so happy, that he allowed everyone to have an eleven-minute break the next day instead of the usual ten-minute break.
              Though he preferred to goof off rather than work, the current owner of Shitfuk Industries was none other than the great-grandson of Major Shitfuk, Dominick Shitfuk. He was well suited to being president of the company, as he stood 6’5” tall. He was affectionately known by his many friends as, Big Dom Shitfuk.
              But 80’ below ground hidden from fresh air and sunlight, help-desk lackeys had only to fix any and all problems created or encountered by those on the upper floors—who had no regard for cost or efficiency. They simply wanted it all, and they wanted it now.
              As he hammered the hard drive flat so it would fit into the tiny surface, he wished he could get a better job with higher pay, smarter, kinder managers and good hours and benefits. But did that job exist? Afterall, he was just one man. But he was also a Shitfuk. Would he really be any happier if he wasn’t a Shitfuk anymore?
              He named the newly imaged surface and joined it to the domain. Then he placed it into the correct OU in Lively Directory. He had completed 197 help-desk tickets today. One coworker had completed one. But to be fair, the guy had used his time wisely watching MeTube and talking on the phone.
              None of that mattered anymore now. It was time to go home. He had put in his 10 hours and was ready to leave. He closed his files and locked up his desk. While walking the long hallway to the stairs, he thought about how badly he needed to pee right then.

The End

Friday, March 29, 2019

Warner Road Under Water

My favorite way in and out of downtown St. Paul is currently under water due to all that snow melting...


https://www.youtube.com/embed/C52txh1eh78?autoplay=1

Wednesday, March 27, 2019

When Diversity Fails

When your coworker spends his/her days goofing off or watching Internet videos, and when the boss tells him/her to stop and do some work-and he/she says "let's go talk to HR," and then all correction attempts stop, you can be sure that diversity protection has failed its true purpose.  I saw it 20 years ago, and it is still happening now. When accountability is undermined, the organization begins to erode. It's not the way it was intended to be used, but unchecked liberal thinking has destroyed the true benefits of it. Everyone needs to be accountable, not just some people. If everyone deserves equal benefits, then everyone must share equal accountability.

Monday, March 18, 2019

Grilling Resumes

With 39 inches of snow in February and more in March, I just got the grill back out for the first time since January.

Pow! The Sun!

I love how lighting changes photos. I took this one in the morning at the history center in St. Paul.

Wednesday, March 13, 2019

CuTRis Paid a Lot of Money to Go to College


CuTRis Paid a Lot of Money to Go to College
UnAssociated Press
March 13, 2019


Amidst the Hollywood Actors College Admission Cheating Scandal, news came out today that CuTRis had to pay for his own University of Minnesota education and was unable to get any financial assistance. In order to do this, he worked full-time in the horticulture/landscape industry while taking part-time classes. Since that time, the University of Minnesota changed the rules so part-time students could never move up in the registration queue—effectively destroying the option of working your way through school (unless you are a full-time student). People everywhere are shocked... and stunned that CuTRis would do such a scandalous thing in order to get his degree from a state university.

Tuesday, March 05, 2019

Do-Over

Here is my new idea. Let me know if you agree. We start over right now. Whatever things that happened in the past, we're leaving in the past. These things should not be allowed to ruin the future.