The thoughts of a writer.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Clones & Carbon Copies

They all look the same.
A group of young men in baggy clothes. One hand on their crotch holds their pants up and the inseam is only 6 inches long. Who has legs that are only 6 inches long???
They wear hoods or sideways caps. They all talk the same, "Know what I'm sayin'?"
The girls all look the same too. They wear low-cut shirts and clothes that are too tight.
They all have the same look--just like the singers of today. Can we call all of them Britney to save time?
I can hardly tell one from the other.
There are very few individuals.
It's too bad.
I'm glad I'm different.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Tough Chick!

This video is pretty funny.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Feeling Blue? Just add "my butt…"

Sue emailed me and said that she needed "cheering up."
The Vikings lost and the weather was rainy over the weekend, so I can totally understand.
So I’m giving away a secret to making almost anything funny.

If you add the words, "my butt" to virtually any sentence, it is funny!
Oh sure, it is definitely juvenile, but who cares? It's a sure thing almost every time!

While watching TV, the voice-over says, "Brought to you by,"
Just insert "my butt" before the commercial!

It is also amusing to pretend your butt is a sentient being.
Such as by saying, "My butt could hang onto the football better than Adrian Peterson!"

There is a TV commercial where everyone is saying, "ask me about..."
Of course, I insert the words, "my butt," before they can finish. It is amazingly funny!

Now my wife will argue that this use of the words, "my butt," isn't really that funny." I do, however, catch her showing some signs of amusement at times when I do this. She is a good sport I might add, because she has to put up with me (and my butt) every day.

Vikings Season Ends

With the New Orleans Saints 31 to 28 victory over the Minnesota Vikings on Sunday, my hopes... the hopes of die-hard Vikings fans everywhere—were crushed once again. We all hoped that this year they might-go-all-the-way!

Late in the season when they started losing their road games, we all braced for the worst. Then, they seemed to have a chance. Even on Sunday, they could have easily won the NFC title, except that they couldn’t control the ball. Fumbles and interceptions setup a win for the Saints and sent Vikings fans into disbelief; as we watched the team self-destruct in a painful-to-watch game.

And what about Brett Favre? He did win me over, even though I wasn’t a supporter of bringing him to the Vikings back in August.

All season, I refrained from blogging about the team because I was afraid that if I rejoiced, the Vikings would self-destruct. But, in the end, even if I’m disappointed—it was just a game… right?

Friday, January 22, 2010

Blinded by the (HID) Light

There seem to be more of those blueish, high intensity discharge headlights on the roads these days (or more accurately, these nights). They produce more light with less power, but for those of us sharing the road with vehicles equipped with HID lights, we are often "blinded by the light."


Here is a picture of a car that was following me on the freeway. The photo doesn't do justice to the fact that I couldn't look into my rear view mirrors without being blinded!


As I drove along through the darkness with this bright blue light tormenting me from behind, I thought of an upgrade that I would like for my own car. It would be a small caliber projectile, sighted in (through cameras located on the front and back of the car) to take out one of those annoyingly bright blue lights!

I'd leave them have one, but I figure shooting out one HID light, would make those annoying things about half as bright.

"Target sighted..."

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

WHY? Part 2

There are a lot of "celebrities," and supposed celebrities on television, on the Internet and in magazines. For example, who the (insert expletive) are the Kardashians, and why am I supposed to care about them???


Are spoiled rich people instant celebrities? If so, we live in a "sorry-ass" society!


I can see if you are interested in the Cardassians, because they are dangerous enemies of the Federation. It's only prudent to take some interest in someone who might be pointing a disruptor at you!

Friday, January 15, 2010

WHY? Part 1

Sometimes I wonder why people are, or are not concerned with certain things. Today, I will show you a certain driveway a block or so away from my house. In the dead of a Minnesota winter, this driveway is always completely clean! But why???


This is what the street looks like near my house.

This is what a typical driveway looks like. There are no piles of snow, but it has a layer of slush and ice. This is how things look when the temperature stays below freezing most of the time.


This is the "why" driveway. First of all, how do you get it absolutely free of all snow, ice and even dirt??? Secondly, why would you do that??? As you can see by the yellow thingamajig, no one is apparently allowed to drive on the DRIVEway!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Cutris Sues Himself for Slander

Cutris Sues Himself for Slander
January 15, 2010
UnAssociated Press

Always the controversial character, Cutris shocked everyone today with his announcement that he was suing himself for a slanderous statement that he made about himself 14 years ago. At this time, no one is sure exactly what the statement was all about, except that it has finally prompted Cutris to act.

After hiring the law firm of Dusty, Turnkey and Prawn, Cutris announced that he was finally ready to "take action," and not let himself get away with saying such slanderous things! He and his attorneys are asking for $84 Bazillion in restitution.

Asked if he was worried about being sued, Cutris replied that he would use the settlement money to pay off his settlement. The lawyers, Cutris told reporters, know they won’t get paid. "They’re just doing it for publicity," he said.

Cutris also indicated that he could not talk further to the press, himself or Sesame Street’s Big Bird, who apparently has also been named in the suit.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Ever (Name) Changing Fast-Food

The name on this place keeps changing! Now it's, Ar js! Should I go try it? What if the name changes between when I order my food and when I get it? Does my order change too? I don't think I would like that!

The Hurt Locker (Movie)

We saw The Hurt Locker at the "cheap theater" last evening--which happened to be discount night! This was a very intense film that followed a trio of soldiers in a bomb disposal unit.

The routine for these American soldiers in Iraq, was frequent trips off the base into the city or countryside to disable, detonate or assess the aftermath of explosives.

I was completely focused on this movie from start to finish. I highly recommend it, but it is rated R for violence and language--so is not for children.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

WD-50

Because sometimes WD-40 isn't strong enough...

Monday, January 11, 2010

Dragon Lizards Fight for Dominance

From time to time, I like to share pictures of my encounters with wildlife. Most often, these images come from my hikes in the wildlife refuge. Yesterday, however, I was witness to one of the most unique spectacles known to man or beast. I happened to have my video camera rolling, as two dragon lizards engaged in a primordial battle for supremacy.

Watch now, and marvel at these two magnificent beasts, as they struggle for dominance.

Friday, January 08, 2010

Cutris Drops Snow Cone-Paralyzes Midwest

Cutris Drops Snow Cone-Paralyzes Midwest
January 8, 2010
UnAssociated Press

It seems that Cutris is unable to avoid scandals. Just yesterday, he apparently dropped his giant-sized snow cone, and it spread quickly across the Midwest, leaving roads very slippery.




Several cars like the one pictured, were unable to stay on the road.






Cutris was unavailable for comment, but was said to be upset that he was unable to eat his snow cone.

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Cold Limerick

There once was a whole lot of snow.
And a subzero wind—it did blow.
But Cutris went out,
And he let out a shout!
Winter gets cold—don’t you know?

Monday, January 04, 2010

Avatar & Sherlock Holmes Movies

We went to see two movies over the weekend. Avatar is an excellent movie. The computer generated material is outstanding.

Sherlock Holmes starring Robert Downey, Jr. and Jude Law, is also a very good movie, though I kept waiting for the rather disheveled, Holmes to say, "Elementary my dear Watson." This, he did not do, though he was an interesting and eccentric character.

Saturday, January 02, 2010

Blue Moon

I took this picture of the "Blue Moon" (second full moon in one month) on New Year's Eve.