The thoughts of a writer.

Friday, May 31, 2013

Oh Hail !

This just in...
 

Labels:

Asteroid to Pass by Earth

Asteroid to Pass by Earth
UnAssociated Press
May 31, 2013

Not to worry, asteroids rarely crash into and destroy the Earth. Last time the Earth was destroyed, was this past Tuesday in an amature Youtube video created by an anti-social, overweight North Korean kid who had nothing better to do except pretend to blow up the world.

Labels: ,

CuTRis Returns from Alternate Universe

CuTRis Returns from Alternate Universe
UnAssociated Press
May 31, 2013


Cutris has returned from his vacation in an alternate universe with apparently no ill effects.


Thursday, May 30, 2013

CuTRis Reportedly Vacationing in Alternate Universe




CuTRis Reportedly Vacationing in Alternate Universe
UnAssociated Press
May 30, 2013









The lack of news about CuTRis this week--along with this picture that was found on a space alien's cell phone clearly shows that CuTRis is (probably) in an alternate universe.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Turkeys


Labels: ,

Monday, May 27, 2013

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY!

I'm jammin' with the band!

Friday, May 24, 2013

CuTRis is Hatching a Plan

An Idea Hatches!


Deep inside of CuTRis' brain, an idea was beginning to hatch...

Labels:

Thursday, May 23, 2013

My Condolences

My condolences to those hit by the tornado in Oklahoma. Also yesterday a horrible accident during a St. Louis Park school field trip killed one student, injured two and left one missing. It's going to be a tough summer for some of these kids. I remember at age 13 when my best friend died three days after school was out for the summer. I don't think I smiled for a whole year.

Labels: ,

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Super Coke Deal!

Super Coke Deal



I heard a rumor that this convenience store/gas station was recently purchased by a drug cartel... but I don't know that I believe it...

Labels: , ,

Mail Theft!

Mail theft has hit my neighborhood!

Labels: ,

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Neighborhood Watch

I started a social media site for a neighborhood watch. It's encouraging that I have some responses this morning! If we band together we can put criminals on notice!

Labels:

Scarlet Tanager


This Scarlet Tanager decided to hangout in our front yard yesterday afternoon!

Labels:

Monday, May 20, 2013

Stolen Bench

To the person or people who stole the wooden bench in front of our house--Whatever you do/did with it, I know you will sit/have sat on it at least once.
I hope your butt is cursed from that moment of contact.
I hope it itches, then bleeds, then develops into some kind of terminal illness that crawls out of your butt and spreads all over your entire body.

Labels:

Sunday, May 19, 2013

I've Been Reading To My Baby Boy...

Then something happened...
Mr. Brown can moo and he saw one fish two fish. He can sound like a hand on a door knock knock!
Rabbit's plane flew right through the door and over miss Lizzy's garden!
Three buzzing bees chased Pooh to the zoo where Elmo likes the elephant whose trunk swings left and right.
Some are long and some are strong!
A Jed is in bed and the bed of a Jed is the softest of beds, it is said. He makes it with pom poms he grows on his head.
I can be quiet when daddy asks me to.
He asked the kitten, but the kitten just looked and looked.
You're not my mother! You are a scary snort!
Good dog Sparky!
................................................................................................
...................... ..........................error.........error..........reset.................$#^&%.*..........
...........bing...hmmm......zip....zip.......
welcome!.............login please..................

Labels: ,

Friday, May 17, 2013

Turtle Hatch!

Today, I saw two of these little turtles heading to water after just hatching. I gave them a little help getting there.

Yes, that's a USA Quarter

Labels:

Thanks for Smoking & Drinking!

Since the trend is to tax cigarettes and alcohol to support the failing government budget--especially here in Minnesota, I would like to offer my sincere thanks to everyone who smokes and drinks. We couldn't do it without you!

Labels: ,

CuTRis Wins American Idol!

CuTRis Wins American Idol!
UnAssociated Press
May 17, 2013

Apparently CuTRis won the title of "American Idol," until he told the producers to "piss off!" Then the title was stripped from him and given to someone who had actually been on the show.

Labels:

Lions in the Park

Not only was I was unaware that lions are apparently roaming around in Central Park, I was also unaware that they had built a shelter there!

Gas Prices

In the realm of big oil crooks, they have now seen fit to artificially raise gas prices by shutting down two refineries at the same time--for "maintenance."

Labels: , ,

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Oreos: One Man's Story

My mom still buys me Oreos on occasion. I think it is because when I was a small child, I concocted a story for her that I needed to have Oreos to keep my eyes (color) brown. I think mom must have liked that story--or maybe she noticed my eyes are turning more green as I get older.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

eVER bUDIES dUM aCCEPT 4 mi

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

When You Refuse to Change

When you refuse to change your actions, even when it is harming those who you love, what does that say about you? If out of tradition and convenience, you jeopardize someone else's health what does it tell you about your traditions? If you believe the way to handle hard situations is by "killing the messenger," how will you ever be happy?

Labels:

ONE DAY ONLY! SUMMER!

One Day Only! Don't Miss It! Summer is Today!

Labels:

Monday, May 13, 2013

You say you want to see something cool?

Then click here.

Labels: , ,

Sunday, May 12, 2013

CuTRis Voted Off Island

CuTRis Voted Off Island
UnAssociated Press
May 12, 2013


Though CuTRis does not even watch the TV show, Survivor, he was apparently voted off the show. "I've never been on that island, and there are few things I could care less about than that show," said CuTRis, "But it really hurts to talk about it right now--after all I never went through. No doubt had I actually been on the island, with nothing but those weird people, that giant TV crew, and that food truck to rely on for survival, it would have been much worse."

We at the UnAssociated Press understand how you feel CuTRis. Out of all of the bad things that could happen, this has got to be one of the least of them.

Labels:

Friday, May 10, 2013

Dead Sock

One of the saddest things in day-to-day life is seeing roadkill. One minute whatever it was, is bounding happily across the Interstate, and the next minute it is smashed! Sometimes you can tell what it used to be, and sometimes it gets hit again and the species is no longer distinguishable. So, though I don't normally take pictures of roadkill, I came across this the other day. It was sad. A dead sock most likely... or perhaps a long lost mitten. It doesn't matter much at this point. Decayed, lifeless and laying on the roadway waiting to rot or be removed. One minute the sock was enjoying its life, and then suddenly it was without a foot. No one knows what happened to its mate. Just the crash and death--and all that remains are the remains. At least the sock is no longer in pain. .. stuck there in the last position of death. I turn my head and walk on.

Dead Sock

Labels: ,

Thursday, May 09, 2013

Yes-Yes

Are you sick of "pansies" on TV telling you how to "get rid of unwanted hair?" Well I know I am! That's why I use Yes-Yes to add hair to my back, ears and other hard to reach places!
Yes-Yes uses a patented revolutionary system that looks like a tiny (reverse) lawn mower--that digs little holes and plants course, thick, luxurious hair all over your body! No more pansy-assed smooth look for me! Get Yes-Yes today!

Labels:

Bill Cosby on Blame and Skin Color

Well said Bill. I know a lot of people were upset to hear the truth.

California Indian Education Version

From American Rhetoric--Speech to NAACP

Labels:

Tuesday, May 07, 2013

Check the Expiration Dates on Food!

I see this fairly often when I go shopping for food--that some of it is past the expiration date and still for sale. Recently for convenience sake I stopped at a Holiday Station Store to get milk for our baby. The gallon of milk priced at $4.59 was three days past the expiration date. So I told someone at the front counter as I walked out and drove to Aldi, where a fresh gallon of milk cost me $2.69. I sent an email yesterday to Holiday Customer Service who referred me twice until some guy who said he is the district manager said he stopped over there the next day and the milk was dated May 20 (not May 2) and it was hard to read as it wasn't printed very well. He also said there was nothing written on the markdown sheet for when they dispose of old product. Actually, it sounds pretty plausible--but I don't really believe it. I check dates on food every time I go shopping. If somehow it is true, then somebody better fix the zero printer!

Labels:

Alternate Universe Ending!!!

Of course! Why didn't I think of it? Err... wait a minute... I did think of it!
I'll finish my latest (mini) novel by creating two alternate endings! That way the reader can decide which version of the future he/she would rather live in!

Labels: , ,

Monday, May 06, 2013

Science Museum

My son enjoyed the Minnesota Science Museum on Saturday. He really liked the miniature tornado exhibit.

Labels:

Compact Car?

SUV in Compact Parking




Are Suv's considered to be compact cars now??? Maybe the driver is dumb or more likely feels entitled to the space.

Labels: ,

Friday, May 03, 2013

It is snowing right now...

May 3rd... snow accumulating on the grass...

Labels: ,

CuTRis Escapes From Giant Spider

CuTRis Escapes From Giant Spider
UnAssociated Press
May 3, 2013


CuTRis has told a remarkable tale this morning about his daring escape from a giant spider! This transcript is of CuTRis' story as he told it to reporters.

     "I knew the beast was ready to eat me as it came up behind me as if it were smelling a yummy hotdish! That's when I remembered how Bugs Bunny got away when he told that bull to "stop steamin' up" his tail! I yelled at the giant arachnid and punched it in the mandibles. Then I grabbed onto it's mouth parts and twisted until I pulled a piece loose! The spider ran away and I took the piece of mandible and went home."

CuTRis Holds Mandible Piece
 

Labels: ,

CuTRis Kidnapped by Giant Arachnid

CuTRis Kidnapped by Giant Arachnid
UnAssociated Press
May 3, 2013


Apparently CuTRis was abducted by a giant arachnid yesterday. CuTRis is thought to be in a cave in an undisclosed location, like in the Mountains of Brazil; but that isn't known for sure--but it is where he probably is. CuTRis is thought to be fine, but likely to have his "juices" sucked out of him leaving only his exoskeleton. CuTRis has been in many dangerous situations before, but whether he can survive this time is doubtful at best.

Photo by UnAssociated Press

Labels: ,

Thursday, May 02, 2013

5 years

My wife and I have been married for five years as of today.

Labels:

CuTRis Grabbed By Giant Insect

CuTRis Grabbed By Giant Insect
UnAssociated Press
May 2, 2013




CuTRis (in photo) was apparently grabbed by a large insect this morning. The giant mandibles are clearly visible in this photo which just happened to be taken an instant before the gruesome scene occurred. No further information about CuTRis or the giant insect were available at the time this story was printed.

Labels:

Ticks in the Snow

Yesterday after we walked in the woods for a short time, Larry found a Wood Tick! That's not uncommon in May in Minnesota--except that it was snowing/sleeting at the time! Well this morning, after showering and putting on clean clothes, I found a Wood Tick on the bathroom floor! They must be young ones because they are small. I suppose the "new crop" just emerged when temperatures were warm a few days ago.

Labels: , ,

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

To Celebrate May Day

We're getting snow.

Labels:

Flakey

Sometimes life gets all flakey.