The thoughts of a writer.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

The Scariest Bug Yet!

Elsewhere in this blog I have commented on the distribution of power in my marriage regarding bugs. Well such an occasion occurred just the other day. Being away, I received a message from my wife that she had killed the scariest bug yet. I also received instructions that the deceased was still on the kitchen floor and I was to remove it as soon as I arrived on the premises. My imagination ran wild with this news and I immediately replied to my wife's message asking if she had had to use the plastic sword to dispatch this hideous insect. Then it really hit me. Just how large and creepy was this bug? Indeed my wife had said she killed the intruder—yet if it wasn't dead, I was going to walk right into the mandibles of a six foot tall, hideously wounded insect! As I said, my imagination was running wild... Well as fate would have it, I survived the ordeal. As I carried in several bags of groceries upon getting home, I figured I had a good chance of survival since the $53 worth of food should keep an insect busy for at least a few seconds—hopefully allowing me enough time to run to the closet and get the plastic sword! As I entered the kitchen I saw... nothing. There was absolutely nothing! And by nothing, I am not saying that there weren’t the usual furnishings of a modern American kitchen—because indeed there was. But in the middle of the floor where my wife warned me I would find the gruesome carnage, there was nothing. I carefully put my grocery bags down to examine the crime scene. Then, I saw it! The small and withered remains of a centipede! Obviously though the hours had taken its toll, this small bit of exoskeleton had once been a large and amazingly fast intruder! I was at once in awe of my wife's bravery. She had aimed her shoe with all the destructive power of an RPG and left her adversary utterly annihilated! I reached for a scrap of paper towel and wiped up the residue. I carefully placed the corpse into the wastebasket in the garage so my wife would be satisfied the dead villain was out of the house. Then I went back inside and unpacked my groceries.

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Tuesday, October 21, 2014

An Old Beer

Not having brewed for some time… for lack of some time, I have been rather conservative with my back stock of homemade beer. None-the-less, I indulged in one of my "Baby’s First Lager" beers during a lasagna dinner yesterday. I was rather happy with the look, taste and carbonation of this lager that had "been in the tank" for 363 days before it was bottled. I’m quite sure I did “everything wrong,” by hauling it to three different cities as we moved twice before landing in our new house. Likely the experts would tell me it tastes awful by now! Yet I thoroughly enjoyed it; cretin that I am...

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CuTRis Street

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Monday, October 20, 2014

Northern Great Lakes Visitor Center

We visited The Northern Great Lakes Visitor Center in Ashland, Wisconsin late last week. It is a great place to explore. There are exhibits (including a simulated dynamite explosion in a copper mine), an observation deck, trails, movies and more! This place is free and very child friendly. My son liked it a lot and so did I.

Visitor Center

One of many murals

View from observation deck

My son sets off the dynamite in the mine... again... and again...

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Wednesday, October 15, 2014

How to Avoid Catching Ebola


No Dumping: Part 2

In case you don't remember "No Dumping: Part 1" CLICK HERE.

Unfortunately for CuTRis, someone quickly and secretly installed a metal sign on a metal pole, cemented in the ground behind him while he was... uhh... "busy."

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Tuesday, October 14, 2014

ID10T Error

Guys, it just will never be as fun to fix your wife's computer once you tell her what the ID10T Error really means.

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Monday, October 13, 2014

Columbus Day to be Renamed

Columbus Day is going to be renamed due to political correctness and Christoper Columbus being historically transformed into a villain. From now on, Columbus Day will be referred to as, "Bad White Man Day." Thank you, that is all.

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Vikings Receive Unfair Criticism

I've been hearing a lot of unfair criticism about the Minnesota Vikings. People are always judging them based on their football playing ability! Sure, if you judge them on that, I agree that they suck. But why doesn't anyone ever judge them on something they are good at? Like for instance, getting arrested. They lead the NFL at that! No one ever says, "Wow! The Vikings sure are good at needlepoint! Now I don't know if they are good at it, but that is the point! Nobody even talks about anything except football! It's football this and football that! OK fine! They can't play football. I don't recall that they ever could! They've gone through countless players and coaches and they still suck. So stop with the criticism everybody! It's not always about football you know! These guys get paid a lot of money to suck! That should mean something! I mean the taxpayers are even buying them a brand new stadium to suck at! And you all can sit there and criticize them! You ought to be ashamed!

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Friday, October 10, 2014

Vikings Kicking in Another $500K for New Stadium

Hey Vikings! Thanks a lot for paying some more for YOUR new (way over budget) stadium—because some of us TAXPAYERS are a little "short" right now from trying to make ends meet. I hope this won't cut into your millions of dollars in profit too much! Yay team! You guys are great... I mean except for sucking on the field and making us buy your stadium and stuff...

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