The thoughts of a writer.

Friday, May 30, 2014

You Can't See All Your Data?

Let me just run that load through the crap-a$$ data rectifier.
Setting crap-a$$ data filter to 9.1.
Stand back, we don’t usually turn it up this high…

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CuTRis Can't Be Fenced In

CuTRis Can't Be Fenced In
UnAssociated Press
May 30, 2014

CuTRis can't be fenced in. Yesterday, a fence was constructed around CuTRis. He seemed annoyed by this and with a mighty kick, he knocked a section of the fence down and then went for ice cream.

CuTRis Kicking Down Fence

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Build a Raised Garden Bed

First plan and stake the area. Then you start to dig. You will dig a lot if the garden is built into a hill like this one. Then fit the first timbers and check for level. You'll need some of that soil you dug out. I found that timber screws cost $1 each. Then I found screws that were just like timber screws but not called timber screws that cost 59 cents each. I started these with a drill and finished driving them with a ratchet. This held the corners horizontally on my three layers of timbers. After fitting all the pieces, I secured the timbers vertically with half inch rebar that was driven through the timbers and into the ground beneath. This required a really big drill with a long half inch bit and a big sledge hammer. Then it was finished and ready for the soil.

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Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Chopper Coming

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Ambulance Chaser


Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Bad Programming

To anyone who doesn't know a lot about computer programming, some of it is done really stupidly. Here is an analogy to help explain what I mean. Suppose that Ford made Model T's (which indeed they did). But now they are going to make a brand new, state of the art, modern automobile. But instead of rewriting the design, they simply write the new portion and add it to what already existed. Essentially, your new car would simply be a Model T with a shiny new outside. However it would drive down the road; and the time and effort and expense of rewriting the entire program would have been avoided. Then you could say, "Wow! see? I built this new car in an hour!" But actually you built a Model T with a new paint job.

Eventually, the "duct tape" holding the new and old pieces together will start to fail. Someone can come in and try to retape it which just adds more tape to the already confusing mixture of old and new. It has now become way more confusing than if only the necessary and newer portions existed—but now it is all dependent on the original obsolete parts. You may have saved time, labor and money originally, but now your brand new Model T is going to fail. Just give it time.

And that my friends, is bad programming. Unfortunately it is too common. Over the years as more different people patch the original old crap, it becomes virtually impossible to keep it functioning correctly because there are too many interdependent pieces that have no direct value to the final product.

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Friday, May 23, 2014

I'm Brown

My son is only two, but he knows a lot of things. He knows his ABC's and how to count. He knows about red lights and green lights when driving; and the names of animals and he knows all his colors too. So I asked him this morning what color he is. He said, "brown." So I asked him what color is daddy? He said, "brown." So there you have it. In case you were wondering, I'm brown.


Thursday, May 22, 2014

I Know Where the Buck Stops...

I saw four of them today. All of them were growing antlers.


Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Facebook Dumb: Part 1 - Tell Everyone You're on Vacation

That way they know when to break into your house.

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Someone Gooses Zygi Wilf

Someone Gooses Zygi Wilf
UnAssociated Press
May 21, 2014

Someone goosed Zygi Wilf today for reasons unknown. Zygi appeared to enjoy the experience. No more is known about the method used, the gooser, or motive at this time.

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McDonald's Scary Happy Meal Mascot

Is McDonald's new Happy Meal Mascot really that scary?

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Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Secret Agents Sighted

Secret Agent ABC and Secret Agent XYZ were sighted yesterday while on an important adventure near Blue Mountain Quarry. No one knows what they were up to, because it was a secret.

Monday, May 19, 2014

How To Save Mismanaged Product

Click picture to enlarge: Click "back" to go back.

Friday, May 16, 2014

E-Cigarettes Look Dumb

Most people know that smoking is bad for you. Remember the Marlboro Man? At least he didn't look like he had a robot's thing in his mouth! Because that's what it looks like when I see people with an e-cigarette! So if it isn't bad enough that you are using a drug dispenser that was invented in China to replace the old fashioned cancer sticks, just think of how dumb you look with a robot's thing in your mouth!

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Thursday, May 15, 2014

Yosemite Sam Swearing

When I was a kid (and probably even now), nothing was quite as funny as Yosemite Sam swearing. Probably because although the actual words were unintelligible, even as kids we knew that what he was saying was pretty bad. But words like "rackafrassen" were somehow far far funnier than if Yosemite Sam had been saying the same words we had heard grandpa use!

Unfortunately these days, all one has to do is listen to someone using "ghetto language" at high volume on their cellphone in a public place, and it will put Yosemite Sam, grandpa, the Soprano's and a fleet of sailors to shame. How unfortunate if this is to become the "norm."

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Mr. Ed

As I sat yesterday afternoon watching Mr. Ed with my two-year-old son, I marveled at how this same show that I loved when I was his age was now captivating my son. Though it was in black & white, it did not seem to matter. The concept of a talking horse was quite enough.

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Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Michael Jackson's New Album

Michael Jackson has released a new album called, Xscape—which is exactly how those annoying people who can't pronounce words correctly, say "escape." Kudos to Michael for being able to put out a new album five years after his death. We can't wait for the tour!

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Monday, May 12, 2014

Black Squirrel

There is a certain neighborhood I know of that has a lot of black squirrels. There are also white squirrels and gray squirrels. They are all merely color variations of the Eastern Gray Squirrel. This means they are like Humans; in that though there are some color variations, we are all the same species of animal. What I've noted about the squirrels, is that they don't seem to take much notice of the color of the other squirrels. They all live in this same neighborhood and seem to get along with each other just fine. I believe this is also true of human children. Left to themselves, they typically do not hold much significance as to what color they or their friends are. It seems that discrimination is largely due to the influences of adult humans, who in these types of situations, impart their own ignorance upon the children—contaminating the purity of youth. I believe there may be something to be learned from children and squirrels.

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Friday, May 09, 2014

Walgreens Prescription Rip-off

KSTP found Walgreens charged $150 for a prescription Target filled for $70 and Costco filled for $15.59.

From Costco website,
A Costco membership is NOT required to purchase prescriptions from Costco Pharmacy. Prescription purchases are not subject to the standard 5% surcharge for non-members who purchase items on

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Simply Red

One of the best voices ever... Click here to listen to Simply Red, "Holding Back the Years."


Happy Mother's Day from Pampers!

Click picture to enlarge: Click "back" to go back

I got this in my email this morning. It's kind of funny... if you think about it.
There was no option when I signed up for "Strong Dads" so I had to sign up to be a "Strong Mom."


Storm Traveler

Of course I was remembering the previous bridge over the Mississippi river on 35W collapsed during rush hour back in 2007—as I drove across the new bridge through the driving rain yesterday afternoon...


Thursday, May 08, 2014

Technology Proverb

Ancient Proverb...

"In order to be truly great at technology, one must first be willing to break it."


CuTRis Does Kotter Impressions

Click HERE to see!

CuTRis does all of the Welcome Back Kotter Voices


Wednesday, May 07, 2014

Bad Files

Every time somebody sends me a bad file and I have to convert it, and make it ready to load into the database, I could have already loaded it if it was a good file. Then I have to explain and ask for a new file. Then they (often) argue that they sent the right file. Then they send the wrong file three more times—even though I supplied directions about how to send it correctly. Then, eventually, I get them to stop sending the wrong file or to stop opening/saving it in Excel before sending it (and converting the numbers to scientific notation and dropping leading zeroes) and when they finally send the right file it works!

Meanwhile, I could have loaded the file 7 times in the time it took.

What? Oh… they sent that file to me last month. Look, it has the same file name and number of records and file size. Apparently I did this last month too.

Well sorry that took so long… you see I have an awful lot of work to get done and sometimes it takes a while…

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Wow, That Hurt My Head...

Tuesday, May 06, 2014

Medical Marijuana Gets Day on Senate Floor


Monday, May 05, 2014


Friday, May 02, 2014

There's a Big Bright Thing in the Sky!

I haven't seen anything like it in about a week!!!

"It were always raining in Denley Moor, except on days when it were fine; and there weren't many of those - not if you include drizzle as rain. And even if it weren't drizzling, it were overcast and there were a lot of moisture in the air. You'd come home as though it had been raining, even though there had been no evidence of precipitation in the rain gauge outside the town hall."

A quote from- The Testing of Eric Olthwaite

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Six Year Anniversary

I married my wife six years ago today!

Happy Anniversary!


The Doorway

Do you dare to go in?


Thursday, May 01, 2014

Red Skelton's Pledge of Allegiance

Perhaps my favorite comedian of all time with some insight into the United States, Pledge of Allegiance...

Click Here for Red Skelton's Pledge of Allegiance

What Happened to Sterling was Morally Wrong

As George Orwell predicted, your private conversations can now get you into trouble—and no one is immune.

This is an excellent article.

Remember, it is not illegal to be stupid.

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Golden Funk Pancake Syrup

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