The thoughts of a writer.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Stickman Shows Cutris' Halloween Costume

Stickman Shows Cutris' Halloween Costume
UnAssociated Press
April 30, 2010



Stickman released this photo of Cutris in his Halloween costume, of a stick person.


Cutris admitted that in hindsight, the costume may have been in poor taste, but it wasn't deliberately meant to be an insult.

"It was all in fun!" Cutris said in an interview later.






Cutris with Harvey Stickman, circa 2009.









Cutris released this photo of himself and Stickman taken at the Mississippi River when they "used to hangout together."
"I'm not sure what got him so upset," said Cutris, "but I wish he'd stop 'pulling the stick card!' We used to be friends!"

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Cutris Lashes Out

Cutris Lashes Out
UnAssociated Press
April 29, 2010


Cutris testified today, that he has always been friends with Stick People, and Stickman's claims of discrimination are unfounded.





Cutris also supplied this photo of himself, offering an apple to a stick child--during his 2008 Presidential campaign.



"I have always had a good relationship with the Stick People!" said Cutris.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Stickman Claims Cutris Discriminated

Stickman Claims Cutris Discriminated
UnAssociated Press
April 28, 2010

The Stickman has alleged that Cutris discriminated against him, and is threatening legal action.



The stickman shows his preliminary legal documents.






Cutris reacts to the charges.





More on this is sure to come!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Cutris Fights Giant Stickman

Cutris Fights Giant Stickman
UnAssociated Press
April 27, 2010

Cutris is in the news again, as this cellphone picture shows him fighting with a giant stickman!





Cutris
is shown battling a giant stick figure.











The eyewitness who took the photo, said that Cutris seemed to be losing at one point, when he reached inside of his pocket and pulled out a Japanese Eraser! Apparently Cutris raised the eraser in a threatening manner and proceeded to try to erase the stickman!

"One look at the eraser, and the stickman ran away!" Said Juice McGovern, eyewitness and cellphone photographer. "Cutris chased him, and they both disappeared into the nearby woods!"

Cutris was unavailable for comment about his latest ordeal.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Japanese Erasers

In case you are writing in Japanese and you make a mistake!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

The Toughest

He was young. Image was everything to him. He walked down the street, holding up his baggy pants so they wouldn’t fall down. His cap was turned sideways. He tried to appear tough. He had tattoos. He wanted to convey the image that he was the toughest man around. His face was hard and he looked mean. The look belied the insecurities he held onto inside.

His gait was uneven and exaggerated. If he seen another young man, he might nod and say, “’sup?” Or he might not. If it was an acquaintance, he might make an exaggerated greeting to show their “solidarity.” If he was with some of his “homies,” he might “mess” with somebody. He was alone though. He was trying to look tough so nobody would “mess” with him. He didn’t like cops. He had a son… somewhere. He lived with his mom, but wasn’t home a lot. He didn’t have a job right now.

Making others believe he was “bad,” was his job at the moment. If necessary, he would lash out violently in a preemptive strike. Intimidation was his greatest ally. The old lady coming the opposite way down the street, crossed to the other side before she reached him. Intimidating an old lady wasn’t very gratifying today though.


He noticed the young men in the park, walking their pitbulls. That was cool. He would like a pitbull too. It helps to make you look tough if you have a pitbull on a chain. It also helps if you have a gun. He had one hidden in his underwear drawer. If he needed it, he could go and get it. If all else failed, shooting someone would certainly prove that he was the baddest of the bad.

He wore a coat, even though it wasn’t cold. All the “gangsta’s wore coats. It was good to wear the hood too. Who or what was hidden inside the coat always made one appear more intimidating. That was important. He continued on, walking down the street; holding up his baggy pants.

-K

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Cutris Makes Chainsaw Sculpture with Teeth

Cutris Makes Chainsaw Sculpture with Teeth
UnAssociated Press
April 21, 2010

Cutris announced that he was making a chainsaw sculpture today. When he couldn't get the chainsaw started, he began using his teeth.


Cutris is shown using his teeth to make a chainsaw sculpture.








The process took several minutes, but soon Cutris finished the sculpture which was of a beaver.


The finished sculpture




Skeptics immediately discounted Cutris' claims of using his teeth to create the sculpture. Some people think that he hid a tiny, chainsaw in his mouth--which he used to create the sculpture.

When asked about these allegations, Cutris slapped the water with his tail and swam away...

No he didn't! Come on! Who wrote this???


It seems that there may be some inaccuracies in this UAP report. The UnAssociated Press apologizes for this, but refuses to retract the story in the hope that the controversy will improve our readership.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Shopping

I don't enjoy shopping. For some reason, most men do not, and most women do. Perhaps it is merely what we are shopping for, that makes the difference. My wife enjoys shopping for clothes. I have told of my experiences at Ann Taylor with my wife. In our latest trip to this place that is so alien to men, I began to contemplate the phenomena of "size 0."

Since "0" means "nothing," how can one possibly wear a size 0? It makes no sense to me! It is like when Nigel from Spinal Tap says his amp is louder because it goes up to 11!




Later at Ragstock, I told my wife there were some "crappy pants" for $5.








Finally I noticed (sorry no picture) a sign that said "pants 30% off." I started to think about the "style" of the young men who wear their "waistline" below their junk and butt. This sign could accurately apply to them!

Friday, April 16, 2010

Cutris Living with Bears

Cutris Living with Bears
UnAssociated Press
April 16, 2010

Cutris is back in the news! He is reported to be living with a group of bears in Wisconsin.
"They asked me over for lunch," said Cutris, and we were having so much fun eating sedge and bugs that I decided to stay for awhile!"



When asked if he would be returning home soon, Cutris simply growled at reporters and then ran away on all fours.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Wondering what happened???

Are you wondering what happened to Cutris??? Stay tuned to find out how his "wild ride" ended!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Weekend Update 2

On Sunday, we went to the Mall of America for my nephew Eddison's birthday party. I managed to talk my wife into riding the Pepsi Orange Streak roller coaster. Then my nephew Austin, who is older than his other cousins, wanted me to go with him on all the scary rides! I almost died! First we went on the Avatar:The Last Airbender. This thing puts some serious G-Force on your body! Then we went on the Fairly Odd Coaster.


Finally, we went on the SpongeBob SquarePants Rock Bottom Plunge.

Austin is to my right with his arms up in the air.





Here's a picture of me, my wife (who doesn't like her picture on the Internet), and nephew Austin (where the arrow is pointing) on the Pepsi Orange Streak.

Weekend Update

We interrupt this program for an update of my weekend!

Saturday we went hiking at the Maplewood Nature Center. Here are a few photos.



Saturday, April 10, 2010

Cutris on Wild Ride

Cutris on Wild Ride
UnAssociated Press
April 10, 2010

This photo obtained recently by the UnAssociated Press, shows Cutris in a runaway trailer heading backward--about to crash into the Chippewa River!

No further photos were available at the time this story went to press. An outside source (i.e. some dude who was standing outside), said that Cutris was hitching a ride in an old trailer being pulled by an old truck. The trailer allegedly came loose from the truck and allegedly headed backwards into the alleged river.

"I think he was going to visit some bears or something," said the outside source (whose name is allegedly "Dave.")

The immediate question of whether or not Cutris survived the crash is unknown. There was no sign of him in the splintered wood and twisted metal that used to be the trailer. The river showed no signs of Cutris, though the outside source (allegedly named "Dave") said he saw Cutris leap from the trailer just milliseconds before it crashed.
"He jumped out like a Springbok or somethin'!" said "Dave."

One thing for sure, if he is alive, Cutris will "resurface" in time. Until then, we can only hope for a miracle (or something).

Friday, April 09, 2010

My (unanswered) Email to Publish America

Sent 3 days ago...

Publish America,

My book is normally $19.95. Last week it was $7.99 for one day and yesterday it was $5.99 and today it is $19.95.
I've told you before that your books are way overpriced. Why not just find a "happy" medium price? You don't seem to realize that the book should always be $7.99 to be competitive in the industry!

So now, cut and paste the corporate bull-crap about how great Publish America is and how competitive and yada yada yada...

Sincerely,
Kevin J. Curtis

This email is still unanswered, but normally I get a huge, cut and pasted reply about what a great value PA books are and how the company is a leader in the publishing business. This is pure rubbish, and why I won't use this publisher again.

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Cutris Cited for Target Shooting

Cutris Cited for Target Shooting
UnAssociated Press
April 7, 2010

Apparently Cutris was cited yesterday, for target shooting in his backyard. Though he was using live ammunition, it was completely contained within his own yard--and therefore "should be legal" according to Cutris. While this argument does have merit, there is apparently some city ordinance against discharging a cannon within city limits. Perhaps it has something to do with how loud a cannon is.



Cutris is shown here posing with his cannon.

Monday, April 05, 2010

Cutris Seen Walking on Closed Road

Cutris Seen Walking on Closed Road
UnAssociated Press
April 5, 2010


This recent photo shows Cutris walking past a sign that declares the road he is on to be closed. This is not the first time such a photo has surfaced.


There have been other such scandals involving Cutris over the years. In fact, this type of thing probably isn't very newsworthy anymore... Well... it was a slow news day...