The thoughts of a writer.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Kim Jong-il Claims Missile Test is to Return Wallet

Kim Jong-il Claims Missile Test is to Return Lost Wallet
UnAssociated Press
May 29, 2009

North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-il is claiming that his country's latest long-range missile test, was simply to see if this would be a good way to return the lost wallet of an unnamed South Korean official.

Kim Jong-il claims that there is no malice in the missile tests or nuclear bomb tests his country has been involved in. Jong-il also said that if provoked, North Korea would "blow everyone to hell." Then he said he wished everyone would just leave him alone!

Cutris Complains about Squirrel Feeding

Cutris Complains about Squirrel Feeding
UnAssociated Press
May 29, 2009

Cutris issued this statement today regarding the feeding of space squirrels by neighbors on the Food Planet.

The neighbors here are turning the space squirrels into "little beggars." They refer to them as "wildlife," but clearly these nuisance animals are not wild and tend to feed out of bird feeders and garbage cans as well as numerous handouts from "do-gooders." It is this feeding that has allowed the population to get so out-of-control. I'm left with one alternative. Then, I will return to Earth--since I miss my wife and have been away too long. My project to grow zero calorie vegetables in zero gravity to produce unique cuisine has failed.

Space Neighbors

Remedy for overpopulation of Space Squirrels

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Cutris meets his Nemesis

Cutris meets his Nemesis
UnAssociated Press
May 28, 2009

Cutris was apparently attempting to grow zero calorie vegetables in the zero gravity of the Food Planet, when he met his nemesis, "Ass-tro Squirrel!" Ass-tro Squirrel has dug up, chewed off and destroyed Cutris' space garden! Just what Cutris plans to do now is unknown.


Ass-tro Squirrel

Cutris Fights Giant Cockroach

Cutris Fights Giant Cockroach
UnAssociated Press
May 28, 2009

It seems that Cutris’ trip to the Food Planet has turned into a dangerous one. This image from a Food Planet security camera shows Cutris locked in mortal combat with a giant cockroach. The final image (too graphic to show) shows the cockroach imploding, as Cutris peels back its exoskeleton.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Cutris Cooks in Space

Cutris Cooks in Space
UnAssociated Press
May 27, 2009

Cutris has beamed this image back to Earth. It appears to be a plate of food that he has prepared in zero gravity. More information is available in the book Zero Gravity Cooking with Cutris! Cutris was not available for interview at the time of this story.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Cutris Thought to be on Food Planet

Cutris Thought to be on Food Planet
UnAssociated Press
May 26, 2009

Cutris is thought to be back in outer space, according to UnAssociated Press sources. It is thought that Cutris may have built a new flying saucer, like the one he found and used to travel to the moon.

Since he is interested in cooking and eating, Cutris may have gone to the Food Planet. His last trip into outer space left him hungry, and Cutris will likely journey to a more "satisfying" location this time.

Photo of the Food Planet taken by the Hubble Telescope.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Cutris' Favorite Dinosaurs

Triceratops was a large, horned, plant eater of the Cretaceous Period. Triceratops had a single, short nasal horn and long horns above its eyes. Many specimens have damaged bones—perhaps from combat with rivals or predators.

Tyrannosaurus rex was the largest known meat eating dinosaur. At more than 37 feet (12 meters) long, it was almost as tall as a modern day giraffe. Massive and powerful, the Tyrannosaurus rex had forward facing eyes and a heavy tail for counterbalance.

Stephanopoulos is found in Washington DC, where it is a hunter of politics. An intelligent dinosaur, it characteristically leans slightly toward the left while stalking its prey.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

June Bugs?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but they're called June Bugs. So don't they know that it isn't June yet? They are hanging around our back steps because they like the light. Another thing... if they like the light so much, why don't they come out in the daytime?

Escape Wisconsin

I remember way back when my brother made a drivable car from two old junk cars. He had a bumper sticker on the back that was altered slightly, so it read "Escape Wisconsin." At that time, Wisconsin had a lower age drinking age than Minnesota, and the highway patrol and police scoured the border, looking for young Minnesotans who had had too much to drink before returning home. Since then, I've seen another "oddity" or two involving Wisconsin (such as their allowing bear hunting with dogs) that makes this bumper sticker appropriate.

Of course, the real slogan is, Escape To Wisconsin, but that is what made, and makes the joke funny.

On my way to and from work each day, I've noticed that there is a mass exodus from Wisconsin. About half the cars I see on the short stretch of East 94 that I take between downtown St. Paul and White Bear Avenue, have Wisconsin license plates. Now I realize that it could be, that some Minnesota residents have cars registered in Wisconsin (like the guy in my condo complex who has lived there for five years, is on at least his second car and still has South Dakota plates). More-than-likely, though, it is Wisconsin residents coming to Minnesota to find jobs. Since jobs tend to pay more in Minnesota and taxes are less in Wisconsin, this could work out well! Up until gas goes back to $4 per gallon!

In the meantime, it seems that many people are "escaping" Wisconsin everyday!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Star Trek and Angels & Demons - Reviews

We went to see two movies this week. The first was Start Trek. I grew up watching the original series, and I thought this was a great movie! The characters were all there, and James T. Kirk was as reckless as ever. In this movie, he wasn't always the victor in the fights he got into--which made him more believable in my opinion. His lack of discipline wouldn't likely get him far in peacetime. Fortunately for him they were at war.

The second movie was Angels & Demons. This movie was painful to watch, as it became so long, drawn out and predictable. Tom Hanks' character figured out all of the clues at the last minute and had to convince reluctant Vatican police to help him get to the next one. Director Ron Howard should be forced to watch this movie for six months, non-stop--since it seemed like it took that long for this movie to finally get over with.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Cutris Spotted at Great Wall of China

Cutris spotted at Great Wall of China
May 18, 2009
UnAssociated Press

Cutris was spotted at the Great Wall of China on Saturday. He was unavailable for comment, and his reason for being there is unknown at this time. Speculation is that Cutris was in China to buy some rice noodles for a casserole he is making.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

The Return of Unglip!

Cycle 2, Blue Planet
Interstellar Traveler, Unglip Reporting

It has been 29 zenagrenbills since I last explored the Blue Planet. I have been spending some time in the studio on Tolopious, in the Bindir section of the home world. I have been composing mathematical auditory vibrations for my new “Remoflactions” album. I actually got the idea while studying the Blue Planet. I have yet to find any remoflactions of intelligent life. Patussi only knows why I am drawn back to this lowly planet. While I see some similarities between the bipedal creatures that live here, and the Pilmorai of Vindis 8, the Pilmorai are in reality, far more sophisticated and interesting study subjects. Still, I have an idea that more exploration of the Blue Planet might reveal something important.

As fate would have it, I materialized in the midst of a group of primitive, young bipedals, who expressed what could only be referred to as “threatening” behavior. They wore ill-fitting outer coverings. The lower half had to be continuously held up by one of the two upper appendages. This made it difficult for them to both fight or to retreat—since one appendage was mostly dedicated keeping the cloth coverings from reacting to gravity. For a moment I considered secreting fomboorg on them, but the thought of being written up by Sergeant Splatcher of the Logoseck Division was rather unappealing after the last incident. I remembered how I had barely escaped the inquisition with both my rank and my sanity. It is difficult, however, to observe such low forms of life without sometimes needing to defend oneself.

My best defense seems to be my trusty Sanclop-Ray. More than once I have used it to send threatening beings backward in time by several limosplotches. It allows for me to escape without using the type of force that would get me in trouble with my boss; Sergeant Splatcher. So, I utilized the Sanclop-Ray, and sent the juvenile bipedals backward by 12 limosplotches. I removed myself from their proximity and maneuvered toward the nearest open containment of the molecular compound, made of one part hydrogen and two parts oxygen atoms.

I immediately noticed several things going on around, above and within the large liquid mass. Bipedals were congregated around the outer edge. They were also paddling through it and driving machines that skimmed along the surface. Some of them were attempting to hook the finned creatures that lived inside of the mass and pull them out of the liquid material by using a thin string. Since the temperature of the surrounding atmosphere was warm (above 69 Centoflavers), the creatures seemed to be using the liquid mass to reduce their core temperatures! Could this be the first sign of intelligence on this planet??? Incredible!

I suddenly noticed that there was a primitive looking bipedal creature on a bi-rolling transport device. The device was powered by the bipedal’s lower appendages pushing some sort of gear mechanism. The being rode along, making sound vibrations into a radio vocalizer that was affixed to one of its auditory canals. Suddenly, I decided that I had to try that! So, I reached for the nearest bi-rolling transport—which appeared to be tethered to an immobile object. I secreted a small amount of fomboorg, which melted the restraint. I climbed aboard the transport and balanced my equilibrium in the middle as I pushed the gear device as I had seen the bipedal being do. Who knew that such a primitive contraption as this could be so exhilarating to drive! I increased speed, but not before a different bipedal creature wailed and pointed its extremity in my direction! It seemed to want to do harm to me for using the bi-rolling transport! Perhaps this being wanted this particular transport for itself! I could only surmise that I must flee this danger immediately!

Soon, two of those infuriating aliens wearing blue clothing, with a variety of strange paraphernalia attached, were in pursuit of me on their own bi-rolling transports! I pushed hard into the gears of my transport, but the aliens were gaining on me! I was determined not to be captured by them again, so I pulled my Sanclop-Ray, and shot them backward at least 20 limosplotches! I couldn’t see what setting I had it on at the time, since I was moving so rapidly. Eventually, I stopped the transport and rematerialized onboard my interstellar vehicle. I wasted no time leaving the Blue Planet let-me-tell-you! I’m afraid I may have rushed too quickly into believing that there could be a few remoflactions of intelligence here! These beings are barbaric and slow witted! I thanked Patussi that I was leaving again! I don’t know why I keep coming back to this ridiculous planet…

Past Unglip links,


Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Cutris Pushes the Envelope

UnAssociated Press Photo

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Miss California Controversy

Usually I could care less about pageants and "reality TV," but this controversy about Miss California, Carrie Prejean, is worthy of a quick note.

First off, what is a "semi-nude" photo? Have you seen what people wear these days? A lot of people are walking around "semi-nude."

Second, people can have opinions (i.e. like being against same-sex marriage), and it is their right--even if you don't agree. Freedom of speech is protected by the first amendment.

It's time for some people to "grow up" and stop trying to make the world conform to their narrow ideas. You can't get everyone who disagrees with you fired!

"nuff said.

Monday, May 11, 2009

More Weekend Hike Photos

On Saturday we hiked at Richardson Nature Center and Hyland Park Reserve. On Sunday we hiked at Black Dog Preserve. Here are a few photos.

Osprey (Nest on Platform)

American Goldfinch


Marsh Marigold

Canada Geese


Rose-breasted Grosbeak

Blue-winged Teal

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Coffee is my Spinach...

Remember Popeye the Sailor Man? After eating a can of spinach, he would suddenly become strong! Of course, it was probably a way to try to get kids to eat spinach, which while excellent fresh, leaves a "little to be desired" from the can. Yet I have found a similarity between Popeye's spinach, and coffee!

Last night my second job doing live, government television kept me out kind of late. I was more tired than usual this morning, but after an extra dose of coffee (i.e. two cups instead of one), I seem to have found additional energy! Somehow I've never found the same reaction from spinach...

Of course, tonight I will be extra tired and falling asleep early (especially if I am watching TV). It seems that the stimulating effects of coffee and spinach can't last forever.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Oprah Winfrey: A Sad Fact

Unfortunately if Oprah said it was good to eat broken glass (to clean out your insides) a lot of people would be in the emergency room.


Monday, May 04, 2009

Cutris May or May Not Have "Seen Some Things"

Cutris May or May Not Have "Seen Some Things"
UnAssociated Press
May 4, 2009

The UnAssociated Press has obtained a short video clip that may or may not be of Cutris, claiming that he's "seen some things." Whether or not the unidentifiable figure in the video is actually Cutris, or whether or not he has actually "seen some things," is not known for sure. It could just be a spoof on a movie or something.

Weekend Hikes

My wife and I did a lot of hiking this weekend. We went to the Mendota area (near Fort Snelling), where the Minnesota and Mississippi rivers converge. This was the center of the world to the native people. We also went to Wood Lake Nature Center and Legion Lake in Richfield. Here are a few pictures.


Great Blue Heron

At the Center of the Earth

Mississippi River

White-tail at Fort Snelling


Red-winged Blackbird

Cooper's Hawk

Common Egret

Friday, May 01, 2009

Happy Anniversary!

Remember the old, "Happy Anniversary" song on the Flintstones?

Tomorrow, my wife and I will celebrate one year of marriage. I'm happy to report that I am still head-over-heels in love with her.

She doesn't like her picture or name on the WWW, so you won't see or hear too much about her on my blog. She does read it though, and I hope she knows how I feel about her. Happy Anniversary!