The thoughts of a writer.

Friday, December 31, 2010

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Band Party/Jam/Recording/Etc.

We recorded "Someday Soon."

Hey! St. Paul! Thanks!

The darndest thing happened. St. Paul just cleaned up that big mess they made on our corner! After I sent them that link to my blog about it too. Now I really do have to say "thanks!"

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Vikings--Play Webb!

Sunday is the last game of the season for the Minnesota Vikings. After a pretty horrible season, rooky quarterback, Joe Webb brought fans some hope by leading the team to a 24-14 victory over the Philadelphia eagles and Michael Vick on Tuesday. So why is there talk about putting Brett Favre back in as starting quarterback? Can the Vikings look to the future instead of the past? Can they do it just once? Maybe the team will have a future if we stop coddling Farve and develop Webb.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Thanks St. Paul!

We struggle to keep the driveway and sidewalks shoveled and the fire hydrant uncovered and the plows come back on Sundays and on sunny days when it hasn't snowed, and repeatedly plow everything closed. You can see the corner where it was open and now it is up to the top of my wife's head!



Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Homemade Egg Rolls!









Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Driving Through the Snow

We've gotten a lot of snow this winter. Especially when you consider winter has just officially started today.

Here is a view of my drive home yesterday afternoon. It was only safe to go about 45 MPH because of how slippery the roads were. I seen one car in the ditch along this stretch of road.

Of course, just minutes later, I was stopped in traffic heading toward downtown...

Monday, December 20, 2010

Door Buster

Stores keep advertising Door Buster Sales!
I guess if you bust their door(s) you get a good deal on merchandise.
I thought I would try it, so I went to ShopMart and broke the front door.
Not only didn't I get a good deal, they called the police!
I ran away! I'm not shopping there anymore!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Fourth Metrodome Panel Fails

Fourth Metrodome Panel Fails
UnAssociated Press
December 16, 2010

A fourth roof panel has failed at the Metrodome in Minneapolis. Heavy snow from last weekend had already caused three panels to fail--necessitating the Vikings to find other venues for their last two home games of the season.

The Vikings organization has been trying to get a new stadium and only has one more year on their contract in the Metrodome. Inside sources say that during the latest failure of the roof, Vikings owner Zygi Wilf was seen running from the top of the Metrodome's roof with a penknife. This report had not been substantiated at the time of this printing.

Monday, December 13, 2010

We got some Snow...

We got something like 17" of snow in the Twin Cities on Saturday. Then, it got windy and drifted. Even the roof of the Metrodome collapsed!






I spent a lot of time snowblowing and shoveling over the weekend.













My wife and I also made homemade eggrolls. Boy were they good after a couple of hours of moving snow!

Thursday, December 09, 2010

"It seems to be bleeding right there."

I had a dental appointment earlier today. I mentioned that I have a "sensitive" tooth, so the hygienist proceeded to jab my tooth and gums around that area with a sharp steel tool... repeatedly jabbing and poking...

"There is some inflammation," she said several painful minutes later. "It seems to be bleeding right there."

(I couldn't talk because someone was in my mouth with an instrument of torture, but I'm thinking...)

Well yeah!!!

Do you mean to tell me that jabbing a sharp, metal object into that area repeatedly would cause inflammation and bleeding??? I'm pretty sure it only just started bleeding now...

Huh... must be why it hurt so damn bad when you were doing it...

Foosball?

I was remembering back years ago, to when we used to play Foosball between (band) sets over at Dave's house. Now that the weather is cold and we don't want to sit on the patio, I wondered why we ever stopped playing? Then I walked back to where the Foosball table is and I remembered.

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Kevin's & Dave's Brains



Brains are so interesting. I once heard that if you didn't have a brain, you couldn't do anything! Think about that! Ha! You used your brain.


If I had to guess, I'd say it was around 16 or 17 years ago that Dave's (now grown-up) daughter, Holly drew these pictures. Dave and I had been playing music and making cable TV shows under the label of No Budget Productions. We had created many strange and wonderful songs, characters and skits. There was no doubt that both of our brains must be somewhat different from that of average people.



Kevin's & Dave's Brains

Then one day Dave discovered that his young daughter had drawn the exact diagram of each of our brains. He labeled each one, and they've been hanging on the wall of his basement (in our band practice area) ever since. The realism and exactness of these drawings still astounds me!


Click photo to enlarge.

You can see in the renderings, that Dave's brain is all over the place, yet still contained within the orange circle. My brain on the other hand, is centered near a shark fin sort of thing, yet much of it is floating unrestricted. No doubt, these features allowed Dave and I to tap into great creativity and work well together--increasing each other's potential.

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Charmin for $449.00?



I think $449 for Charmin toilet paper is a bit expensive--even if that is for the "convenient 1,000 pack!"

Monday, December 06, 2010

Star Trek: The Next Generation “#2”

By Kevin J. Curtis,

Captain Picard’s Voice: “Captain’s log, Star Date 173498.7. We are in the Commodious System surveying Interstellar Plankton. My First Officer, Commander Riker is experiencing irregularity.”

The scene is on the Bridge of the Enterprise.,


“Are you still unable to go number 2, Number One?” asked Picard.
“Negative Captain,” replied Commander Riker. “I’ve tried everything. I’ve even read an entire Romulan screenplay, while I was trying to ‘go,’ and nothing!”
“Have you seen Dr. Crusher about this?” asked Picard.
“Yes,” replied Riker. “She gave me a hypo-spray, but so far it has not helped me to go number 2.”
“That’s highly irregular Number One,” replied the Captain. “Normally Dr. Crusher’s hypos will have a person going number 2 in no time!”
“You should try prune juice,” said Mr. Worf. “It is a warrior’s drink!”
“You know,” said Picard, “Mr. Worf may have something there. Humans have been using prune juice to facilitate going number 2 for centuries, Number One.”
“Yes, I’m aware of that,” said Riker. “But it tastes like crap.”

Worf looks angry, but the scene shifts to sickbay.

“I can see the blockage,” said Dr. Crusher. “I’m afraid it is far too dense to come out on its own. This is by far the worst case of constipation that I’ve ever seen!” What have you been eating anyway?”
“I’m afraid I can’t say,” replied Riker. “But it has put me in a difficult position.”
“That it has,” replied the doctor.

Later, in the Captain’s ready-room, the senior officers are in a meeting about how to get the first officer to have a bowel movement.

“Data and I have come up with an idea,” said Chief Engineer Geordi LaForge.
“It is not without some risk,” added Commander Data.
“But we think it might put Commander Riker’s butt back in business,” said LaForge.
“I’m all ears,” said Riker.
“Yes,” said Captain Picard. “Tell us about this plan of yours.”
“We’ll need Transporter Chief, O’Brien for this one,” said Geordi. “If Dr. Crusher can give us the exact coordinates of Commander Riker’s poop, we think that the Chief can lock onto it with the transporter, and beam it out into space!”
“It sounds risky,” said the captain.
“I’m willing to try it,” said William Riker.
“Counselor Troi, have you anything to add,” asked Picard.
“I sense that Commander Riker’s bowel is in agreement,” said Deanna Troi. “I believe that we should do whatever it takes to help the commander to go number 2.”
“You’re sure about this Will?” Picard asked Riker.
“As sure as I’ve ever been,” replied the first officer.
“Then make it so Number One!” said Picard.

The scene is now split between the bridge, engineering, sickbay and the transporter room. Communication between the sites is done via communicators.

“Is everyone ready?” asked Captain Picard from the bridge.
“Data and I are ready in engineering,” said LaForge.
“We’re ready in sickbay,” said Beverly Crusher as she administered one last hypo-spray to Commander Riker—who was lying on an examination table.
“I’m ready in transporter room one,” replied Chief O’Brien.
“Commence transporting Number One’s number 2,” Picard ordered.

Chief O’Brien begins moving the transporter controls and the sound of the transporter can be heard. A slight glow appears around Commander Riker’s midsection.

“We need more power!” shouted O’Brien, “We’re losing it!”
“Hang on Chief!” said LaForge, as he and Data are frantically doing stuff in engineering.
“We’ve engaged the warp drive,” said Data. “You should have full power for 14 seconds on my mark… now!”

The lights on the Enterprise begin to dim and a dull hum can be heard as the ship starts to vibrate.

“Status?” shouted Picard.
“It’s working!” cried Dr. Crusher.

The ship returns to normal and everyone appears relieved—especially Commander Riker!

“How is he doctor?” asked Picard.
“I’m fine Captain,” replied Riker, as Beverly helped him off the examination table. “Thanks everybody!”
“It seems that Number One has successfully gone number 2,” said Picard.
“Might I remind you,” interjected Data, “that this was a most unorthodox method.”
“Whatever gets the job done Data,” said LaForge. “Whatever gets the job done.”

The scene shifts to the bridge.

“Mr. Worf,” said Picard, “will you do the honors?”
“Yes sir!” answered Worf. “Phasers are locked and ready to fire!”
“Make it so Mr. Worf!” said Picard.

The view from space shows the Enterprise firing its phaser array at a small brown object floating in space. The object disintegrates.

“Mr. Crusher,” Picard said to Ensign Wesley Crusher, “set a course for Starbase 12, warp-factor 2.”
“Yes sir!” replied Wesley.
“Engage,” said Picard.

The Enterprise flies off in a flash of light.

End.

Friday, December 03, 2010

Minnesota Budget

If Minnesota has a budget surplus now, but will have a deficit later (like we were told yesterday), could "we" take the surplus and put it into the bank to use later?

Mr. Butz Dairy

By Kevin J. Curtis

“We’re getting the new sign today,” said Harland Butz—owner of what had been known as the Mr. Butz Dairy for well over a century. As the crew took down the old sign and replaced it with the new, Butz Family Dairy, sign, Harland sighed. He looked at the small group of visitors that he was leading in a tour. “I guess that’s the end of an era,” he said.

“How come you decided to change the name?” asked one visitor.
“That’s a good question,” said Mr. Butz. Then he began to tell the story.

“The Mr. Butz Dairy has been in the family for 114 years. While the building has been remodeled, the products and philosophy are largely unchanged. Dairy products such as specialty cheeses, milk and butter are created on site and in view of the visiting public. In fact, the daily tours are a big part of the operation’s success.

“The store sells a variety of grocery and convenience store products. Most in demand, however, are the Butz products that are manufactured in the adjoining building called the production house. Connected to the production house is the milking barn. Each separate part of the facility has large glass windows that look into the connecting buildings. This way, visitors can see the dairy products being manufactured from start to finish.

“The business has recently gone online, and sales are good. There is even talk of adding on. In fact, the only real drawback that anyone can see… or rather, smell is that when the wind comes from the south, the odors of the barnyard and cows will sometimes waft into the store. Back in the days when my grandfather Nathanial Butz, first started the business on his small farm, this was probably thought to be of little consequence. As the years and decades passed, however, it has become something of a topic of conversation at times.

“About two months ago, there was a tour group in here—a lot like this one that you are in. There was a little boy in that tour… Bobby was his name and he was about four or five years old. Bobby enjoyed watching the cows through the window over there—in the milking barn. He, of course, liked the assorted chocolates and candies in the store where we are now. He had all kinds of questions about everything. He asked what my name was, and I told him ‘Mr. Butz.’ He asked what ‘that bad smell’ was, and I told him that it was from the cows. I explained to him that the cows didn’t use a bathroom like we do, but they just did their ‘business’ outside. I told him that when you are at a dairy farm, that is how the air smells sometimes.

“Bobbie seemed fine with this throughout most of the tour. The wind was blowing up from the south that day, however, and the smell of cow manure was definitely in the air. Near the end of the tour, I was telling everyone about the different cheeses, and cut samples for everyone to try. One or two of the cheeses had, shall we say, a ‘strong’ smell? Well, it just so happened that Bobby was standing behind me with his mom—waiting for a cheese sample when he said very loudly,”
“Hey mom, Mr. Butt’s dairy air really smells bad!”

“Everyone stopped dead,” continued Harland Butz, “Then we started to laugh. It was just too funny! But I knew of course, right at that moment, that I had to change the name.”

© 2010 Kevin J. Curtis

Thursday, December 02, 2010

More with those Zany PublishAmerica People

Dear Kevin Curtis:

We are in receipt of your email concerning your contract for He Who Goes First. As you have indicted that you do not wish to renew the contract, your contract will expire and your book will go out of print on 3/29/2011. This email serves as your written notice of such.

Thank you and have a good day,
HannahPublishAmerica

Supporthannah@publishamerica.com
------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Kevin Curtis
Sent: Thu 12/02/10 7:59 AM
To: PublishAmerica

Just in case my previous email wasn't clear,
NO I DO NOT WANT TO RENEW MY CONTRACT.

Kevin J. Curtis

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Kevin Curtis
To: PublishAmerica
Subject: RE: Contract
Date: Thu, 2 Dec 2010 07:47:15 -0600

Hi PublishAmerica!

You guys make me laugh! In July you wanted me to pay you $99 to "return my rights."
Now you want me to sign for another 7 years!!!

The movie for my book is on hold until after my contract runs out in the Fall of 2011.

By-the-way, I heard about a couple of copies of my book that were sold that I never got royalties for. Maybe you can look into that.

Bye now,
Kevin J. Curtis

http://cutris.blogspot.com


> Date: Wed, 1 Dec 2010 17:23:44 -0500
> To: cutris@hotmail.com
> From: support@publishamerica.com
> Subject: Contract
>
> Dear Kevin Curtis:
> Your contract with PublishAmerica for He Who Goes First will soon
> expire. If you would like for the contract to be renewed for another
> seven years on the same terms and conditions as specified in the
> original contract, please send a signed response in reply to this
> e-mail indicating your assent to renewal. Your typewritten name at
> the end of your reply e-mail will suffice as your signature. If you
> do not reply, the contract will expire, all rights will revert to
> you, and your book will be out of print.
>
> Have a good day,
> PublishAmerica Support
> support@publishamerica.com
>