The thoughts of a writer.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Unglip Returns

http://cutris.blogspot.com/2007/04/origins-of-unglip.html

http://cutris.blogspot.com/2005/08/interstellar-traveler-unglip-reporting.html

http://cutris.blogspot.com/2006/04/interstellar-traveler-unglip-reports.html

http://cutris.blogspot.com/2007/04/unglip-rides-again.html

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Red Cottage Ale

I brewed a batch of this red ale late last summer, from my own receipe. I bottled it on New Year's Day. It was true to form, and is a nice amber-red color. I decided to try one yesterday, and it looked so good I took this picture. It tasted good too!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Bacterial vs Viral

The difference between a bacterial infection and a viral infection can be found here!

Cutris Asked to Help Fight Swine Flu

Cutris Asked to Help Fight Swine Flu
UnAssociated Press
April 28, 2009

World Health Organization officials have asked Cutris to help in the battle to contain the Swine Flu. In response, Cutris is teaching "hand washing" seminars this week. Cutris has also cautioned people not to pickup hitchhikers; especially if they are pigs.

"In 2003 everyone was concerned about SARS," Cutris began. "We should always practice good hygiene--not just when a contagious disease is in the news."

Monday, April 27, 2009

Marine Life and Toxins

It rained half the weekend and we watched a lot of nature shows. PBS had some shows that included dolphins, Orcas and Horseshoe crabs. It seems that while the crabs are virtually unchanged in 350 million years, their blood is a super antibiotic! There numbers were decreasing since they were being used as bait, but now they are caught and "milked" of their blood which goes for $15,000 per quart. Most interesting, is that these crabs have blood that is copper based (as opposed to iron like ours)! For those Trekkies out there, you might remember that Mr. Spock had copper based blood!

There were also shows by Guy Harvey and Jean-Michel Cousteau about dolphins, Orcas and salmon farming. Apparently PCB's and flame retardant chemicals are concentrating in the fat cells of these animals to dangerous levels. The Cousteau team had their blood tested and these chemicals were found in all of them (even those who were vegetarian) as well.

In the dolphins and whales, the females had less toxins. It is thought that since the chemicals are fat soluble, the females transfer them to their offspring while nursing. The young have a high mortality rate and so do the males.

Also touched on, was the salmon farms that take huge amounts of fish from the ocean to feed their stock. These fish farms also spread disease and the meat produced has as much as 10X the toxins as wild caught salmon.

Bottom-line, don't eat farmed salmon and work to eliminate industrial chemicals from leaching into the environment. Our very lives may depend on it.

Oh yeah... in light of this, I'd like to "thank" the Bush administration for rolling back environmental restrictions during the eight years they were in office...

Go Fly A Kite!

When I was a kid, I remember flying kites with my older brother. It seems to me he made his kites himself, and the length of the tail was changed out on the field, depending on how well the kite flew. I also remember that we sometimes flew them so high that we could barely see them. If my childhood memory is accurate, it seems we even got a visit from an airport police officer once--since we lived close to Minneapolis/St. Paul International. I also remember times when the kite string would break, and the kite would sail off to another neighborhood. Sometimes a friend on a bicycle might even chase after it!

On Saturday, my wife and I flew our kite that we bought at the mall. It came in a package, almost entirely assembled. It was pretty fun after all these years, but the 300' of string was well short of what I remember as a kid. It's probably just as well though. Our kite came back down no worse for the wear.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Cookout

We grilled out yesterday evening. The food smelled so good when it was cooking, that we had ducks looking for a handout!




No, we did not eat the ducks!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Happy Earth Day

Cutris Recounts Life as a Pirate

It all started late summer in 2003. I was unhappy with my situation on the east coast, and I took a trip by myself to Plimoth to spend some time near the ocean and think. Later that evening, as the fishing boats came into the bay to transfer their catch onto trucks, I noticed a strange vessel. As it came nearer, I walked out onto the breaker to get a closer look.

I could see the captain on the deck, and he yelled down to me in a raspy voice.
“Ahoy there yee scalawag!” That was what he always called me. “What say you to a little adventure on the high seas?”
Well I hadn’t really ever thought about it, but this could possibly open up a new way of life for me, so I said, “sure!”

Right then and there, I put my “X” on the manifest, and I became the ship’s poet. It was my job to create witty rhymes about everything we did. Little did I know, that I had signed onto the pirate ship of Bloody Bill Booty, the most notorious pirate of the new millennium!

The ship was called, The “Poisonus Eel.” Yes, I know it was supposed to be “Poisonous Eel,” but Captain Booty was also a notoriously bad speller. We sailed the ocean, harassing every other vessel we came close to. Once, we even exchanged shots with a Coast Guard cutter, before outrunning it. The “Eel” was a fast ship. It was nothing like the old pirate ships of the stories. It had four huge diesel engines and though Captain Booty wore an eye-patch, he really didn’t need it. In fact, I caught him looking through the telescope with his “bad eye” at one point.

Eventually, I ran out of rhymes, and was forced to “walk the plank. “ Fortunately we were docked at the time, so I ended up walking back to my car. My time on the Poisonous Eel was perhaps the scariest four hours of my life. By the time I realized that I had signed on with pirates, it was too late to swim for shore. I made the best of it, and created nearly 40 rhymes about Bloody Bill Booty and his ship.

I’m not proud of having been a pirate, but I’ve learned from the experience. Never accept rides on large ships from strangers—especially when you’re trying to clear your head.


-Cutris

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Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Cutris found to have Worked as a Pirate

Cutris found to have Worked as a Pirate
UnAssociated Press
April 21, 2009

Sources revealed today that Cutris may have worked as a pirate in 2003. No other details were released at this time. This is a continuation of scandals that have plagued Cutris since his bid for the White House last November.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Fast Food Extra Dangerous to Your Health

The weekend in the Metro Area was full of gun slinging. It seems that fast food places are more than just a danger to your cholesterol, as Sunday's shootings at a Hopkins White Castle and a McDonald's in Maple Grove left two dead.

Hopefully the so-called "leaders" of certain community groups can try to curb the gun-play amongst their communities. This is really idiotic.


http://www.startribune.com/local/43257062.html?elr=KArksLckD8EQDUoaEyqyP4O:DW3ckUiD3aPc:_Yyc:aUnciaec8O7EyUsl

http://www.kare11.com/news/news_article.aspx?storyid=631202

http://www.startribune.com/local/43250982.html

Bass Pond Photos

Here are some photos from Saturday, taken at the Bass Ponds.


Bloodroot


Turtles


Red-winged Blackbird

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Cutris Talks about Fixed-wing Aircraft

I've been asked by the writers of this blog, to comment on the subject of the safety of fixed-wing aircraft. Personally, I think that fixed-wing aircraft are extremely safe to fly in. I mean the wings have been fixed afterall. If the wings were still broken, then I would have concerns about flying.
-Cutris

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Cutris' Likeness on Cleaning Bottle

Cutris' Likeness on Cleaning Bottle
UnAssociated Press
April 15, 2009

Former Presidential candidate Cutris is allegedly suing the manufacturer of a popular cleaning product. Cutris claims they used his likeness without his permission.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Navy SEALs 3, Somali Pirates 0

Somali Pirates might want to think twice before attacking American ships. The U.S. Navy SEALs ended three of them with simultaneous head-shots.

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Monday, April 13, 2009

Cutris Pulls Tree Out of Ground

Cutris Pulls Tree Out of Ground
UnAssociated Press
April 13, 2009

While people have been speculating recently as to whether or not Cutris can lift or carry a tree without the aid of any machinery, this picture began circulating on the Internet today. It clearly shows Cutris pulling a huge tree out of the ground by the roots.

Perhaps now, this issue can finally be put to rest!

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Nine Mile Creek

Today we hiked along Nine Mile Creek in Bloomington. It was another spectacular Spring day. We saw lots of songbirds. There were numerous wild turkeys and deer in the bluffs, and the bottom land was flooded.


Nine Mile Creek


Flooded Bottom Land


Skunk Cabbage


Robin

Thursday, April 09, 2009

George W. Bush Wants to Attack Arkansas

UnAssociated Press Report
Obtained from:
Department of Homeland Security
April 9, 2009
Declassified Wiretapped Conversation

Disclaimer: Ironically, the Patriot Act, which allows for wider use of wiretapping of individuals, has brought to light an interesting telephone conversation between former President George W. Bush and former Vice President Dick Cheney--just three days after they left office.

George: "I'm telling you Dick, I'm going crazy! I haven't been able to start a war since I left office!"

Dick: "Why don't you try hunting George? I always feel better after shooting someone... I mean something!"



George: "It's not the same! Now I was thinkin' maybe Texas could invade Arkansas! We could base the attack out of Dallas, and head right up Highway 30 into Little Rock!"

Dick: "You can't do that!"



George: "Of course we can! I figure we might get a fight out of New Mexico, since it's part of Mexico and everything, but Arkansas wouldn't give us much trouble! Best of all, it's where Clinton lives!"

Dick: "The Clintons live in New York."

George: "What? When did that happen?"



Dick: "I have to go now George, it's time for me to watch Hell Boy II.


Conversation is terminated.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Rhode Island Secedes from Union; No One Notices

Rhode Island Secedes from Union; No One Notices
UnAssociated Press
April 8, 2009

The state of Rhode Island has apparently seceded from the United States without anyone noticing, according to Governor Donald L. Carcieri. Trying to preserve their "independence," which includes Mafia ties, government corruption and the world's worst department of motor vehicles, the tiny state decided to secede from the Union. To date, no one seems to have noticed.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Cutris Critical of Critics Who Criticized

Cutris Critical of Critics Who Criticized
UnAssociated Press
April 7, 2009

Since his press conference last week, Cutris has been criticized for "show boating," when he single-handedly moved a giant tree with both hands. Cutris supporters responded yesterday by showing the former Presidential candidate clearing hiking trails. The two photos, deemed authentic by experts from Doug's Photo Mart, show Cutris first pushing over a huge tree, and then carrying it.

Critics have complained that this feat is impossible, and Cutris does not actually have super-powers. This prompted Cutris to release this statement this morning.

"I don't wish to be critical of the critics, whose job is criticism, but said critics have continued to be critical of me, and my super-powers for almost a week now. I have nothing to prove, and were I to critique the critics, I would have to be quite critical of them and their critically acclaimed criticisms!"

Monday, April 06, 2009

Critics Doubt Cutris' Super-Powers

Critics Doubt Cutris' Super-Powers
UnAssociated Press
April 6, 2009

Criticism has risen, surrounding Cutris'
press conference last week. Critics argue that the photo of Cutris pushing aside a huge tree, are fake.

Cutris supporters retaliated today, by submitting new photos of Cutris pushing down a tree, and then holding it up as he apparently cleared a hiking trail over the weekend.


Interesting Sights at Wilkie

During a hike to the central part of the Wilkie unit of the Minnesota Valley National Wildlife Refuge, we found this little Garter Snake, fresh out of hibernation. It was trying to warm itself in the sun, and was still too cold to try to escape.
















Among the interesting sights, was this pile of feathers. It appeared to be the result of a kill, and was probably a duck.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Cutris Appears to have New Show

Cutris Appears to have New Show
UnAssociated Press
April 1, 2009

Cutris appears to have a new TV show in the works. A promotional video for Last Week's Trail, was released today. In the four second video, Cutris plugs his new outdoors/hiking show. The date for the premier has not yet been determined.

Cutris Says No Obstacle Too Big

Cutris Says No Obstacle Too Big
UnAssociated Press
April 1, 2009

Former Presidential candidate Cutris, called a press conference yesterday in the Minnesota Valley National Wildlife Refuge. After the two-hour hike to the site of the press conference, only eight of the original 247 reporters successfully made it to the site. Cutris addressed the "super eight," as he called them, and said he had brought them there to demonstrate a point.

"People in the United States and around the world, need to start working for the common good," Cutris began. "It is no longer good enough that the rich are doing well and the wealth "trickles" down to the masses. This thinking from the Reagan era, has proven false. When people get too greedy, things start to fall apart."

Cutris continued. "Even though common sense might dictate that such things as pollution, bad loans, sending jobs overseas and global warming are bad for everyone, certain business and political leaders were more interested in their own short-term profits, than they were in a strong economy and a better world for the future. The result has left us with with what some have called, The Economic Butt. The time is now, to take back our country and our core values. If we put the country first--before political party infighting, and if we share the responsibilities and the profits, there is no obstacle too big for us to get past!"

To prove his point, Cutris walked over to a huge, dead tree and pulled it loose from the ground and pushed it out of his way--before he exited the conference into the thick brush along the nearby marsh. Awestruck, the eight reporters soon wondered how they would find their way out of the bottom-land forest. Before they became too agitated by their predicament, Cutris reappeared to lead them out.


Cutris moves a tree to illustrate his point.

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