The thoughts of a writer.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

CuTRis May Have Fallen into Sinkhole!

CuTRis May Have Fallen into Sinkhole!
UnAssociated Press
March 30, 2013


It was reported today that CuTRis may have fallen into a sinkhole´╗┐ in his backyard! No further information about whether CuTRis survived was available at the time this story went to print!

The CuTRis Sinkhole

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Friday, March 29, 2013

CuTRis May Have Used Enhancements to Win

CuTRis May Have Used Enhancements to Win
UnAssociated Press
March 29, 2013

This photo that emerged today, seems to indicate that CuTRis may have used "enhancements" to win the Dry T-Shirt Contest--and so he was disqualified by an international panel today. This is just one of a string of scandals plaguing the onetime Presidential candidate.

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CuTRis Wins Dry T-Shirt Contest!

CuTRis Wins Dry T-Shirt Contest!
UnAssociated Press
March 29, 2013


CuTRis was back in the news today after he apparently won an international Dry T-Shirt Contest! No photos or further information was available at the time of this printing.

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Thursday, March 28, 2013

Free Mounting!

Click picture to enlarge and click "back" to go back!
I've heard of companies offering premiums to get you to buy their goods--but this seems a little "over-the-top" to me! They are assuming a lot to think I would want someone over there to mount me, at no additional charge--just to get a deal on tires! It is pretty presumptuous in my opinion.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Please Stand By

I've been taking care of my sick baby. I'll be back soon.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

The CuTRis Plan

The CuTRis Plan
UnAssociated Press
March 21, 2013


It has been leaked to the press that CuTRis has created a brilliant plan. Just what the plan entails, or what it is all about is as of yet unknown. One reporter managed to get a peak at the first three words of the plan before CuTRis quickly covered it up. Lars Kracklemeyer, the unnamed reporter, reportedly said in a later report, that judging by the three words the plan was "well thought and gosh darn brilliant!"

Skeptics say the plan doesn't exist--but sources close to CuTRis say it may be an attack plan against North Korea. It is now known that Pete was recently released against the communist country. Sources close to Pete say that he became tired and has quit. Some say CuTRis is making more plans at this very moment. When asked by Lars Kracklemeyer, if he would continue making plans, CuTRis said "You can plan on it."

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Wednesday, March 20, 2013

North Korea Hacks Internet

North Korea Hacks Internet
UnAssociated Press
March 20, 2013


Government sanctioned Internet hackers in North Korea, apparently hacked into South Korean financial computers while accidentally surfing for porn. The Internet is only allowed at Kim Jong-un's house, and he was so happy about the porn that he gave the three unknown hackers immunity from future sentencing to labor camps.

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Sleeping Through Traffic

The freeway was a traffic nightmare this morning as I took my baby son to his grandma's house. Babies are wonderful things though. While he had protested earlier from the back seat in his carseat, he had fallen asleep before I got off the freeway and navigated an alternate route to our destination.

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Happy Spring!

Don't let the two feet of snow fool you; today is the first day of Spring!

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

When you Can't Trust

When someone repeatedly reverts to doing things behind your back, how can you continue to trust that person?

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Monday, March 18, 2013

Update on Pete in North Korea

Click HERE to see the latest photo on Pete's mission to North Korea.

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Death and Taxes

If it is true that nothing is certain except death and taxes, the weekend was about both. We had a funeral to attend Saturday and also a tax appointment. Taxes can be more complicated when you sell and buy property. My wife also attended the funeral Sunday evening, as it was an all weekend event. This morning we are welcoming the week and a snowstorm.

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Friday, March 15, 2013

CuTRis To Be Next Batman

CuTRis To Be Next Batman
UnAssociated Press
March 15, 2013



Reports from the Entertainment world suggest that CuTRis will be the next Batman in the upcoming movie, "Dude Who Wears a Cape and Beats-up Bad Guys." Some sources say that producers originally wanted to cast Will Smith in the role, until it was pointed out that even though that may have worked with The Wild Wild West, it would likely create a scandal if the new Dark Knight were to become an African-American. The producers then approached Jackie Chan to switch to an Asian super-hero. Eventually, it was decided that the new sequel should not become just another bad Karate movie.



CuTRis was finally thought to be the best choice because not only does he know all the words to the Batman theme song, he also agreed to star in the new movie for $100.

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Thursday, March 14, 2013

Carl's Revenge

Click on photo to see Carl's tattooed banana
Since I first began taunting Carl with overripe bananas, he's been getting more and more creative with his fruit.

CuTRis is Expertise Expert

CuTRis is Expertise Expert
UnAssociated Press
March 14, 2013


Today CuTRis has been deemed the World's Foremost Expert of Expertise, by the College of Academic Greatness.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Can You Get a Math Degree Here?

One third, one quarter--whatever it takes...
 




My friend Larry was asking if this school has math degrees?


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Kevin & Dave Might Release Pete on North Korea

Kevin & Dave Might Release Pete on North Korea
UnAssociated Press
March 13, 2013


Pete Can Taste Victory
Recent reports indicate that Kevin and Dave are considering releasing Pete on North Korea. Under the "leadership" of Kimberly Un-Jong, the Communist country has really been "pissing us off," according to Dave. "We don't take releasing Pete on anyone lightly," said Kevin, "The devastation unleashed is just too horrible." Pete was not available for comment, but was reportedly doing no-handed push-ups in preparation.

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Mason is OK!

I just read the caring bridge site for Mason and it sounds like there was a scare after his surgery. He wasn't able to breathe. They found a clot preventing him from exhaling and now he is doing fine!

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Still Here


I'm still here my little friend. We all look forward to the day when you can swallow without difficulty.

Mason's Surgery

Dear Mason,

Today I will be thinking about you.
Today I will be hoping for you.
Today I will be praying for you.
Today you will be in my thoughts.

Uncle Kevin

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ImPrefect

If someone was a Prefect, but didn't know what he/she was doing, would that person be an ImPrefect?

Monday, March 11, 2013

Culture and being awake

Five years ago it started with a dowry, which was actually a bride price--which I refused to participate in. Selling your daughter for money like she is livestock is among the most despicable things I've ever encountered. You can tell me it is this or that or to prove love, blah blah blah, but if you come riding up on a pig and tell me it is a horse, I will still see a pig.

The latest episode is about a funeral. In my culture, a funeral is generally three days after death and the service takes about one hour. My in-laws are Hmong, and a relative has passed away about a month ago. His funeral is starting Friday--runs 24-hours per day and continues until the burial on Monday. To complicate it more, though the Hmong bring their children to everything, our baby son is not supposed to attend because of bad spirits, lack of facilities, over crowding, etc. I however, am supposed to be there and my parents services have been secured to watch our baby on the fourth day.

So I lay awake almost the entire night, wondering how to handle the situation. I feel I must put my son first. My wife has been a poor guide in my initiation into her culture but she is in disagreement with me about how best to handle the situation. I love her and my son, but I cannot agree with the entire situation and putting the dead before the living.

As in the case when I first attended all-day shaman events until the year that they occurred at a rate of three in about six weeks (and after suffering my second bout of food poisoning), I began removing myself from these events.

At this moment being sleep deprived and not knowing what course to take, I feel that I stand to "lose," whatever I decide. My Hmong family will never understand how these things affect me--and I love my wife and son and they are part of these traditions.

Cultural Limits

Vulcan Nerve Pinch

So if Mr. Spock can't sleep because of a clash between his Human culture and his Vulcan culture, can he just give himself the Vulcan nerve pinch and go to sleep? It would be so much better than staying awake all night.

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Friday, March 08, 2013

North Korea to Attack Monday

North Korea to Attack Monday
UnAssociated Press
March 8, 2013


Obviously "well-nourished" North Korean leader, Kim Jong-un has announced that he intends to attack South Korea and the USA on Monday. Apparently he also says that he has a magic wand that is in "the shop" for repairs, and it won't be ready until then.

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CuTRis may Replace Behar on View

CuTRis may Replace Behar on View
UnAssociated Press
March 8, 2013


It has been reported that ABC executives have been in contact with CuTRis to join their daytime talktalktalk show, The View. CuTRis has a varied resume'--including being Pope for five minutes yesterday. When asked about it, CuTRis said, "Yeah they asked me because they said they think the show needs something. I told them I would rather get stepped on by a Water Buffalo.

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Thursday, March 07, 2013

CuTRis Resigns as Pope!

CuTRis Resigns as Pope!
UnAssociated Press
March 7, 2013


Apparently CuTRis has already resigned as Pope--marking only the second time that a Pope has resigned this month!

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Plaid Smoke from Sistine Chapel

Plaid Smoke from Sistine Chapel
UnAssociated Press
March 7, 2013


Plaid colored smoke coming from the Sistine Chapel this morning seems to indicate that CuTRis has been elected as the new Pope! This is the first time an American has been elected to the office. Apparently CuTRis has already taken the Popemobile for a spin!

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Wednesday, March 06, 2013

Balance Budget by Eliminating Dumb

I work hard to eliminate "Dumb" from educational data. "Dumb" is resilient, however, and it returns almost as soon as you finish. It got me thinking. I used to work for county government, I've observed city government and I have in the past, worked with federal government contractors. There is no shortage of "Dumb" in any of these entities. "Dumb" also has friends, named "waste" and "Redundancy." If we could get rid of "Dumb" and all of its friends, we could probably balance the budget.

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Tuesday, March 05, 2013

We've Got Snow

Hwy 36

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Rodman Denies being in Love with Kim Jong-un



Rodman Denies being in Love with Kim Jong-un
UnAssociated Press
March 5, 2013





Dennis Rodman is denying allegations that he is in love with North Korean madman, Kim Jong-un. He said he does, however, love the guy. Rodman made the comments today while wearing his new dress.

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Monday, March 04, 2013

Dennis Rodman & Kim Jong-un May Be in Love

Dennis Rodman & Kim Jong-Un May Be in Love
UnAssociated Press
March 4, 2013
 
This photo seems to corroborate the story that the real reason that Dennis Rodman visited North Korea is because he and crazed-inbred leader, Kim Jong-Un are in love.


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North Korea Hosts Ugliest Man Competition

North Korea Hosts Ugliest Man Competition
UnAssociated Press
March 4, 2013

North Korea recently hosted the Ugliest Man on Earth competition, causing speculation that the reclusive country may begin to start acting "more normal."
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Finalists for Ugliest Man on Earth Competition

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Friday, March 01, 2013

Celebrity Dumbass

Catch Celebrity Dumbass weeknights at 9:00 PM on Fox!
Watch "washed up" celebrities act like "they are somebody" and also act really dumb!
It's fun to watch people act dumb--especially if we know who they are!
No, seriously... it's not a waste of valuable time!
Watch tonight!
Please?
We can't think of any good shows, so please watch this crap.
Thanks!

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Popeye to be Blown Down

Popeye to be Blown Down
UnAssociated Press
March 1, 2013

Shut up! It's not what you think!