The thoughts of a writer.

Friday, May 30, 2008

"Thanks" George!

I would like to "thank" the George W. Bush/Dick Cheney administration for getting the USA into a second war (we were already in Afghanistan) in Iraq by using "misinformation."

Thanks for separating yourself from smart, competent people with a conscience, like Colin Powell.

Thanks for making money from oil and foreign contracts.

Thanks for using indentured servitude (through foreign contractors) to fill labor positions in dangerous parts of the world (like Iraq).

Thanks for $4.00 per gallon gas!

Thanks for refusing to share the report on global warming until the courts forced it to be shared (just yesterday).

Thanks for not cooperating with other nations to reduce greenhouse gases.

Thanks for being able to sleep at night knowing that you helped to cause death, injury, and a near collapse of the economy.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Sunday Fishing

On Sunday I went fishing with my wife. We saw a Fox Snake.

Also interesting, was the turtle that had learned to remove our bait...

Monday, May 19, 2008

Cutris Elevated

Cutris Elevated
May 19, 2008
UnAssociated Press

Cutris was elevated today, from the position of U.S. Chief Cutris, to Supreme U.S. Chief Cutris. The move was almost as significant as when Cutris was appointed to the Supreme Fort. Can the Presidency be far away?

U.S. Chief Cutris Takes Control

U.S. Chief Cutris... umm... Cutris, showed why he is the best candidate for the U.S. Presidency today, when he took control. No one is quite sure what exactly he was taking control of, but he looked rather impressive doing it.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Your Misfortune

Your misfortune brings me no pleasure. Live long and prosper.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Ann Taylor: No Place for Men

Even before I got married, I experienced the uneasy feeling of being brought into stores that I would never go into; were it not for my significant other. One of these stores is called, Ann Taylor. It is a clothing store for women. There is absolutely nothing in the store that could possibly interest a man, except perhaps the women themselves. Unless, of course, perhaps if the man was gay and/or loved fashion and accessories.

Any visit to such a store is filled with uneasiness for a typical man. No single guy (unless shopping for a gift for a woman) would ever come to such a place. The female employees there are not going to find any dates if they’re single, as only attached men could be pulled into such a place.

I have been led by the hand by my petite wife into such places before. While she may be small, her power over me is great enough that I resist the temptation to flee for the nearest man-type store. Obediently, I follow as she looks through the racks of overpriced crap. Without fail, a female employee will greet us, ask if she can help and then let us know about the “great discounts” currently going on.

As I wait to see if we can maneuver toward the exit, I am dismayed that we travel further into the reaches of this strange environment. Then I see it, the “men’s couch.” It sits forlorn, near to the entrance of the dressing rooms. I see the couch is occupied by another man. I stop and say, “OK, move over.” He slides down and I drop to the plain brown couch and settle in to wasting precious moments of my life.

Inevitably, I begin a conversation with the other “poor bastard” sitting next to me. We usually find some humor in our predicament, though there are literally millions of places that I would rather be.

Our wives appear intermittently to ask what we think of some article of clothing. What can we say? No answer will ever be correct in this scenario. Why does it have to cost so much? I like to buy off the sale rack at Walmart or Target, so how can I “like” a $56 shirt, even if it is 15% off? My wife does not seem to understand how sexy I think she is in jeans and the jean jacket I bought her (for appropriate outdoor apparel).

Eventually, my wife comes to my rescue and leads me by the hand back out of the confines of Ann Taylor. So far, the other guy, whoever he is that day, never gets to leave before me. I briefly lament his misfortune, as I breathe in the air on the “outside.”


Sunday, May 11, 2008

To Whom it May or May Not Concern

If you sell your child, your daughter, to me you are the lowest form of life.
If you use your position to extort money, then give 30% back and call it a "gift," don't expect me to be grateful.
If you demand that I respect your ways and your traditions, and then you refuse to respect mine, don't expect me to be your friend.
If you do these things, you will not have my respect.
It is never too late to make things right, but you are stubborn.
You have chosen money and pride over me.
While I try not to hold grudges, I cannot forget so easily how this hurt.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

First Lady

Yesterday I settled once-and-for-all, who the first lady will be when I become President.