The thoughts of a writer.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Sea Life Minnesota




We took our son to Sea Life Minnesota for his birthday.


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Sunday, December 22, 2013

Seriously? 59 Servings?





Seriously? 59 servings? You couldn't throw another spoon in and make it 60???

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Friday, December 20, 2013

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

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Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to my son. Daddy loves you!

Draw Breeze

A scent inspired by my left buttock, Draw Breeze is an aroma you will not soon forget!

Available in fine dollar stores everywhere!


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Thursday, December 19, 2013

CuTRis Decides to let Authorities Pound Data Thieves

CuTRis Decides to let Authorities Pound Data Thieves
UnAssociated Press
December 19, 2013


After learning that the thieves who stole credit card data, from 40 million Target shoppers could be dangerous, CuTRis has vowed to let the authorities pound the thieves.

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CuTRis Vows to Pound Target Data Thieves

CuTRis Vows to Pound Target Data Thieves
UnAssociated Press
December 19, 2013


After learning that his credit card data, along with 40 million others may have been stolen while shopping at Target, CuTRis vowed to pound the thieves for such a dastardly crime! CuTRis went on to clarify, that he would deliver the beatings personally unless the thieves were big... or if they carried guns or weapons or if they were "like really tough or something."

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Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Charlie Brown Christmas Tree




"I never thought it was such a bad little tree..."

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Jam!

The band hadn't gotten together for a couple of weeks... um... about a month and last evening we jammed. It was great fun--even though Dave broke a string!

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Tuesday, December 17, 2013

tuco


All Right World, Start Being Nice to Larry!

Minneapolis is Right in Front of the Sun!

 

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Monday, December 16, 2013

Pandora Bracelet





I just love my Pandora Bracelet! With its gaudy colors and overall "bigness," it is the "perfect" gift this Holiday Season!


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How To Make the Vikings Win!

In order to get the Minnesota Vikings to win, you first should get rid of the first-string and replace them with the second and third string players. That way you can have a team that can beat another team that is supposed to be better.

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Friday, December 13, 2013

CuTRis Seen Using Fake Sign Language

CuTRis Seen Using Fake Sign Language
UnAssociated Press
December 13, 2013


CuTRis was recently sighted at a funeral for some guy from Passaic, using fake sign language. "This was extremely embarrassing," said some guy at the funeral who had come for the free lunch. "I just can't believe someone would do something like that!" He commented between mouthfuls. CuTRis was unavailable for comment.

Meaning: I have an invisible basketball.
 
Meaning: I can see you but you can't see me.
 

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Thursday, December 12, 2013

CuTRis Safe: Victim of Slow RDP Connection

CuTRis Safe: Victim of Slow RDP Connection
UnAssociated Press
December 12, 2013


News today confirms that CuTRis is safe and was never lost in Colorado. Apparently he was the victim of a very slow RDP connection. CuTRis seemed unaware of the massive search that had been going on for him and said that in fact, he was nowhere near Colorado—though he had been working on a server in another state which was amazingly slow. The remote connection had interfered with his email connection and essentially he was lost to the outside world for quite some time. CuTRis said he was able to survive the ordeal by eating snacks from his desk drawer and drinking tea. When asked if he was reluctant to remote into another distant SQL server, CuTRis said he was ready to deploy as needed.

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Aerial Search Continues for CuTRis

Aerial Search Continues for CuTRis
UnAssociated Press
December 12, 2013



CuTRis has still not been found. Video from a search helicopter shows the rough terrain over which the search is taking place.

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CuTRis May Be Lost in Wilderness

CuTRis May Be Lost in Wilderness
UnAssociated Press
December 12, 2013



CuTRis is assumed to be lost somewhere in the Rocky Mountains. Not much is known except that he is thought to be Northwest of Gunnison, Colorado.

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Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Jacqueline Upturd

Jacqueline Upturd was a nobody really. She had connections through her mother who had also been a nobody—until she was cast on a TV sitcom in the ‘60’s. Through those connections Jacqueline had become a writer. Now she fancied herself a celebrity and she liked to use social media to tweet out her sarcastic and conceited views.

Many people seemed to think that Jacqueline was very beautiful. That was probably due to her gigantic teeth; which gave her quite a unique smile. The smile that so inspired her fans, looked similar to how a constipated horse might look just prior to a massive bowel movement.

Jacqueline Upturd loved herself more than she could ever love anyone else—which could be why she had decided never to get married. On the other hand, she was just plain ill-tempered—so maybe no one had ever asked her.

Driving in her vintage 1970, Chevy Caprice, she liked to crane her neck—and scowl at people who looked like they were happy or in love. Sometimes she envisioned running them over with her car—confident that her assumed notoriety would protect her from any legal repercussions. But then, she would return home to her one true friend; a small dog that could be carried around like a baby.

Such was the life of Jacqueline Upturd. She had her legions of fans who were equally unhappy and mean-spirited. But she was never quite able to get what she really wanted out of life. Indeed she did exactly the wrong thing to get what she wanted the most. But then, she thought that happiness was found by belittling others. Perhaps it was an Upturd trait that was handed down through the family like a pair of old and dirty socks. They should get thrown in the dust bin—but they were just so comfortable even with the holes.

Alas… such a pity about poor Jacqueline! How sad to be a downtrodden Upturd—and not even realize it! But then the lesson for all is, when things come too easy, the recipient fails to learn that others who have to work harder than they do are just as important as they are.

—KJC

The characters in this story are fictitious and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

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Homeless at -7 Degrees

I saw the homeless man I wrote about last week again this morning. This time it was -7 Fahrenheit (-21.67 Celsius). He was moving slightly under his blankets. I saw him the other day after the snow. He was out in about 3 degrees shoveling the sidewalk in front of the businesses on Rice Street where he lives. This is no ordinary street bum.

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Tuesday, December 10, 2013

I Strongly Advise Against It...

I only look like I'm asleep...

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Monday, December 09, 2013

Every 7th Coffee Free

 


Saturday was the 7th of December and this sign says that coffee is free on every 7th!


Well guess what? They don't actually give you free coffee on the 7th!!! What you ask??? No! Apparently, you have to buy 6 coffees and then they will give you a free one...

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Friday, December 06, 2013

Wisconsin May be Full of Crap

http://kstp.com/article/stories/S3236993.shtml?cat=1

Nelson Mandela

Nelson Mandela has died at age 95. Thanks for a long life well lived.

Twin Cities Reptiles

I used to go to Twin Cities Reptiles (and before that the Pet Dragon) frequently back when I kept small reptiles and amphibians for pets. I had not replenished my animals for many years and after many more years, the last of my pets passed on and I "went out of business."

The store is now in St. Paul and I visited there recently with my wife and son—because my boy likes to "go see animals!"

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Thursday, December 05, 2013

The 2060 Olympics

CuTRis will now attempt the 30 meter right click.

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US Bank = Unbelievably Slow

I went to deposit some money in my son's bank account. I now know what the US in US Bank stands for; Unbelievably Slow! But in their defence, they have a guy who stands around and says "hi" to you. I don't see that he does much else and another teller would be preferable.

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My Nephew Mason Needs a Marrow Donor

This little guy is my nephew.

http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/video/9599965-mom-takes-on-hmong-culture-for-bone-marrow-donor-for-son/

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Homeless at 8 Degrees

This morning after I dropped my son off at his grandparents' house, I drove down the icy road to Rice Street where sure enough, the man who lives on the sidewalk by the hardware store, was wrapped up in blankets like a mummy. He was lying on the sidewalk next to a shopping cart heaped full of his belongings. It was 8 degrees Fahrenheit (-13.33 Celsius).

Ten years ago I had the experience of working in social services with drug addicts and I became familiar with the tragedy of poverty and addiction. One thing I learned from the men who often slept outside in our frigid Minnesota winters, is that most of them no longer have toes. It's not something you would think about or probably know if you sleep in a bed in a house.

These are not aliens from another world, they are people like us. They have problems, often mental illness and often they self-medicate and abuse alcohol and drugs and even substances that no one would normally ingest or inject—all to make it through the next hour. There is no thought about tomorrow or next year. How could there be?

Now, ten years later, I suspect most of the men I knew in or out (or in and out) of the program are probably dead. But on the street, there was a man this morning in 8 degree weather who made me remember. God bless him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9HWQm5w9Dw

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Wednesday, December 04, 2013

The Snow is Here!

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Dear Santa


Dear Santa,

I would like an F-35 Lightning II for Christmas. Please make sure it is fully loaded and ready to go.

Thanks Santa!

Kevin

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Tuesday, December 03, 2013

Tech Support - Limited Service

I’m talking to a tech from a large client that hosts and manages their own version of our product.
He is having much difficulty and I spend way too much time with him—in spite of the fact that they have no service contract.
I say I will need to defer the situation to my supervisor since I have spent a lot of time and they have “limited service.”
He doesn’t like that.
He tells me that if he buys a muffler for his car and it doesn’t work right he can go back to the place where he got it and they will fix it (i.e. I should do that too).
I tell him that what he said is true—unless he installs the muffler himself (which is essentially what he has done with our product).
Then I defer to my boss for further instructions.

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Photograph This

For some time now, I’ve been wondering why people still use professional photographers. Certainly most of them probably do a good job, but with the current technology it seems that taking a quality picture is easier than ever. That said, there are still a lot of people who for some reason can’t take good pictures. Maybe in this case there is a need to pay someone to do it for you.

I don’t have expensive or fancy camera equipment and I don’t think that using a $900 camera will insure that you get good results. For me, it is all about capturing the moment—which necessitates my having a small camera that is easy to carry. When my son was born we declined the services of a professional photographer at the hospital—yet we have some amazing photographs. Among my favorites is one of our newborn baby sleeping in the sunshine from a window. In this picture he looks like an angel and no props or artificial lighting could have made it any better—or as good.

This summer I attended an event that seemed to be dominated by an insatiable need to document every last second with professional photos. While it was obviously a look-at-me situation, I found it a bit much. But in this age of Facebook, people like to show how great their lives are to everyone they know or perhaps even to everyone in the whole world.

After more recently experiencing a change in my own daily schedule precipitated by someone else’s need to have their likeness captured by a professional photographer, I have to wonder if these staged shots are a true representation of how happy and well-adjusted they are? Could the desire for happiness fuel the need to pose for a photo depicting said happiness? Maybe that is something to ponder… or maybe not.

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