I could see the captain on the deck, and he yelled down to me in a raspy voice.
“Ahoy there yee scalawag!” That was what he always called me. “What say you to a little adventure on the high seas?”
Well I hadn’t really ever thought about it, but this could possibly open up a new way of life for me, so I said, “sure!”
Right then and there, I put my “X” on the manifest, and I became the ship’s poet. It was my job to create witty rhymes about everything we did. Little did I know, that I had signed onto the pirate ship of Bloody Bill Booty, the most notorious pirate of the new millennium!
The ship was called, The “Poisonus Eel.” Yes, I know it was supposed to be “Poisonous Eel,” but Captain Booty was also a notoriously bad speller. We sailed the ocean, harassing every other vessel we came close to. Once, we even exchanged shots with a Coast Guard cutter, before outrunning it. The “Eel” was a fast ship. It was nothing like the old pirate ships of the stories. It had four huge diesel engines and though Captain Booty wore an eye-patch, he really didn’t need it. In fact, I caught him looking through the telescope with his “bad eye” at one point.
Eventually, I ran out of rhymes, and was forced to “walk the plank. “ Fortunately we were docked at the time, so I ended up walking back to my car. My time on the Poisonous Eel was perhaps the scariest four hours of my life. By the time I realized that I had signed on with pirates, it was too late to swim for shore. I made the best of it, and created nearly 40 rhymes about Bloody Bill Booty and his ship.
I’m not proud of having been a pirate, but I’ve learned from the experience. Never accept rides on large ships from strangers—especially when you’re trying to clear your head.
-Cutris
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