I am CuTRis

Because you said you wanted an alternative candidate—even if it wasn't a good one. Yeah... that's Dave back there. He's Pete's running mate . I told you it wasn't a good alternative; but there you go. Vote Pete for President in 2016 Because you could do worse... This advertisement was produced by the Pete for President Phartknocker Team.

Vladimir Putin has responded to the news that he was not chosen as TIME Magazine's "Person of the Year," by releasing a new photo of himself—promoting his tough guy image. This time Putin kept his shirt on as he is shown "working as security" at a Moscow Motorcycle Rally. Later, sources from Russia claim that he won a motorcycle race and then used his own body to stop a motorcycle from running over a baby that had crawled onto the track. No one; including Putin, was injured due to his heroic efforts.

My new sign has effectively eliminated the daily political propaganda that I had to pull out of my door each day! The "No Solicitors" sign is not enough; as religious and political sellers seem to think it doesn't apply to them for some reason.

Since those negative political ads seem so popular, I've written a generic one for use by any politician who needs it. (insert opposition candidate's name) is such a bum! One night, I saw him walking his dog in my yard and (insert opposition candidate's name) took a dump on my lawn! Then his dog didn't even clean it up! Then I found out from my friend's bookie, that (insert opposition candidate's name) likes to eat live ponies for lunch! (insert opposition candidate's name) is just wrong for (insert jurisdiction of office candidates are running for)!

He's Patriotic! He's really Patriotic! And he's a Straight-Shooter! Vote for Cutris, he's patriotic, really patriotic and he's a straight-shooter! Paid for by the Cutris for President Campaign.

Are you scared by the huge national debt? Do you distrust the politicians who made the decisions that created this astronomical deficit? Then why vote for their candidates? Cutris is financially responsible. In this picture, Cutris can be seen putting a quarter into his piggy bank. He was saving it for a rainy day. It just so happens that it rained the very next day and Cutris broke open the piggy bank and spent the quarter, but I think this misses the point. Cutris saved the quarter in the first place! When he needed it, he took it out of the bank. He didn’t need to finance the twenty-five cents, he already had it! Vote Cutris for President in November, he’s financially responsible! Paid for by the Cutris for President Campaign.

Have you ever looked at the natural environment? I mean have you ever really looked at it? It’s pretty incredible, if you think about it. Next time you’re in the environment, take a close look at something. It could be a tree, an ant, anything! Presidential Candidate Cutris is a staunch supporter of the environment. In fact, this picture taken only yesterday shows him doing his part supporting it! Remember to (write-in) vote for Cutris for President in November! The environment will thank you, and so will your kids. Paid for by the Cutris for President Campaign.

As John McCain and Barack Obama spar over who is more patriotic, independent presidential candidate Cutris proves who is the most patriotic of all...

It's time to leave the Bush. Dicks with ties to oil and Halliburton, are making lots of money. Meanwhile, people are dying in overseas wars. The average American people are losing money, jobs and their homes. World opinion of the United States is low. The value of the dollar is low. The country is in debt and foreign interests are buying our land and companies. The Dicks and Bushes aren't smart enough to see that when the majority falls, their foundations will collapse. They only care about lining their pockets with profits. Yes, it's time to leave the Bush. So what's next? Do you want to vote for a white-haired Bush clone? Do you want more Republican policies that line the pockets of the rich at the expense of the general population? Do you want a Democrat that is defined by the color of his skin or by the type of genitals she has? Is the party progressive, or missing the point altogether? Our country's history is both bloody and incomplete. The story of those who ...