In the aftermath of the Orlando Nightclub Shooting, I would like to "thank" everyone who has worked so hard to make our country into a great place to get shot while minding your own business. A big thanks to all of those who love their guns more than anything. Without all of you, we could never have achieved the daily carnage that we enjoy today. I would also like to honor the National Rifle Association for continuing to fight for the right of everyone to own an assault rifle. Because everyone needs a weapon that is manufactured exclusively for the purpose of killing lots of people quickly and efficiently. I would like to thank the politically conservative for ensuring that guns remain in as many hands as possible. I would also like to thank the liberals, for protecting the rights of people who would do harm—because we certainly wouldn't want to show any bias or discrimination against anyone for any reason at any time. You too have allowed for this tragedy. Also we should recognize the media for sensationalizing these events. Your speculation is paramount to the distrust and continuous bickering. And let us not forget radical Islam for preaching violence and destruction in a world where violence is revered by many who are intolerant and hateful. Thanks to the street thugs who live and die by the gun. Without all of you, more people would escape being shot to death. Yes, it would seem that perhaps everyone has had a hand in creating this monster that is swallowing us up with lead and blood.
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