A Likely Story

:One Possible Explanation for the Gold Guys

Once upon a time in the land of Usuck, there was a medium size boy; who had a large appetite for very small things. His collection of rodent cloth was unmatched anywhere in the land.

Soon rumors began to circulate among his peers, that he was about to land a huge contract with Rat International; in New York City. But these were just rumors and had nothing to do with reality. What was really going on was that the medium size boy named Aberdeen was plotting his escape from Usuck by planting false information among the populace.

Meanwhile, Aberdeen’s best friend, Butt McKinley was digging a hole through the center of the earth trying to escape from the land of Usuck. He and Aberdeen had a pact to escape from Usuck before Valentine’s Day—because they wanted to go on a double-date with Cindy Crawford. Sadly, neither boy seemed to realize that a double-date was generally two boys and two girls—rather than two boys with one girl.

Soon Sheriff Dingleberry found out through the town spies what the two boys were plotting to do; so he set out to stop them. When Sheriff Dingleberry approached the two boys, Aberdeen and Butt McKinley ran away like sissy girls. They ran so fast that they tripped and flew past the invisible fencing that surrounded the town of Usuck like a fortress that was impenetrable! Realizing that they were now outside of the town, they high-fived and ran off to find a phonebook to find Cindy Crawford’s phone number.

Because Dex knows, they were able to find Cindy Crawford’s number. But when they called her, she hung-up on them! Devastated, Butt McKinley and Aberdeen decided that they would become sandwich artists at a local Subway restaurant.

That was when their luck changed! It seemed that Aberdeen had a “gift” for making amazing new sandwiches! The only trouble was, none of them tasted very good.

While sandwich artistry was extremely lucrative, they decided that they would leave the business and buy and sell gold for a living. So they changed their names to Joe and Shane, and became “The Gold Guys.”

—KJC