For your enjoyment, Cutris has compiled a brief list of news headlines that you are probably never going to see.
1. Young Urban Males Decide to Wear Pants that Fit
2. Man Admits, That as a Child He Molested Priests
3. Hero Cat Saves the Day!
4. Paris Hilton Graduates
5. Cheney Admits Guilt
6. Government Center Condemned to make Room for New Lake
7. Woman to Lead Taliban
8. Phone Company Pays Customers to End Contract Early
9. Al Sharpton Makes Sense
10. Vikings Win Super Bowl!
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