Cutris Defeats Al-Qaeda with a Stick

Cutris Defeats Al-Qaeda with a Stick
November 19, 2007
UnAssociated Press

Cutris reportedly had a busy weekend, as the 2008 presidential candidate allegedly rode his bicycle to Pakistan last evening, and defeated Al-Qaeda in a pitched battle using a stick that he had found along the side of the road. At first he thought that he had rode to the convenience store on Nicollet Avenue, but he was actually in Pakistan at the time.

Sources say that the stick used was neither a large stick, nor was it a small stick. Cutris is known to have been the champion stick fighter in his Boy Scout troop, as well as having used Gorock Sticks during his hikes in the Minnesota River Valley.

At 4:72 AM, Cutris was seen riding his mountain bike back home to Burnsville along Highway 13. Reporters clamored for the story, but when asked if he had ridden to Pakistan, he said, “maybe I did, and maybe I didn’t.”

Sources inside of Pakistan say that Al-Qaeda took a “damn good thrashing” at the end of Cutris’ stick. “While Al-Qaeda has been hurt,” one Pakistani official said, “we should not expect that they won’t be back.”