Cutris’ Imaginary Book Signing

Cutris arrives in a late model sedan and walks into the bookstore using the rear entrance.
The setting is quaint yet posh, complete with little crackers, meat spreads and various cheeses and crap. Cutris complains that the bread is too small. Then Cutris demands that both New York and Chicago style pizzas vie for his attention before he gets annoyed! Pizzas are brought in, and Cutris is much appeased.

Forty-nine readers stand in line, waiting for Cutris to sign their books. Just then, KXLF Radio announces that Cutris is doing a book-signing at Deward’s Discount Books & Stationary. Soon, 8,227 people are in line. The Tonight Show people call. Cutris fakes an English accent and becomes his own agent, Dirk McCoy. McCoy’s two associates, Dingus McHarold and Billy Two-Shots arrive with musical instrument cases, and the people at the store are sorely afraid.

McHarold and Two-Shots give Cutris a guitar and ask him to jam a couple of his songs while they accompany him. KXLF announces the jam session on-air, and another 1,397 people get into line. Cutris begins signing books frantically!

Soon Cutris announces that he is parched. He orders a Mango juice with vodka and ginger ale. After drinking some, Cutris announces that his mouth is happy.

Stephen Hawking is in line to have one of Cutris’ books signed. Cutris is a big fan, and the two have a fourteen-minute conversation about Black Holes and the “Big Bang Theory.” Then Cutris signs Hawking’s book.

Eventually, Cutris signs the last book, and a Hollywood producer asks him to sign a contract to make his novel into a movie. Cutris accepts, contingent on the approval of his attorney (once he finds one).

Then Cutris goes home and watches the news.