Permanent Record

So, while working in detention at the school, sometimes I have to put discipline information on the kids' records. It reminded me of talking to my friend Mark about our “permanent records.”

Back in school (I went to Richfield), the teachers used to tell us that something we did (wrong) was going to go on our “permanent record!” How ominous this sounded! Mark and I were wondering where our permanent records are… now… today…

We would joke about things like seeing each other’s permanent record being moved by a forklift, or perhaps being pulled by the Budweiser Clydesdales on a wagon. It got pretty funny actually!

The truth of the matter, however, is somewhat different. It seems that when I got my new job with the school district, my permanent record (from when I was in school), was trucked down to the school district where I am now working. They had to warehouse it in the bus garage, where it accidentally tipped over and crushed three school busses.

Mark’s permanent record has to be moved by rail. It is currently being held on a couple of boxcars owned by Union Pacific.

I was lucky enough to see Dean, Mark’s brother last week. Dean is an old friend, and he insisted that his permanent record had been digitized. The truth be known, the three of us went through school prior to the digitization of permanent records. Dean’s was last seen on a ship.

With the new advances in technology, permanent records are now kept electronically. This saves both space and resources. That said, one still has to wonder if permanent records are in fact, permanent.

In the aftermath of the devastation in New Orleans from Hurricane Katrina and the collapse of the dikes, Mark, Dean and I have all consented to donating our permanent records to be trucked, railed and shipped to New Orleans, and then dropped by a fleet of military cargo helicopters into the levees to plug them up. It is the least we can do.
No seriously, it is the least we can do.