126 people were shot yesterday, in a mass shooting outside of a school in Tokyo, Montana. Republicans said this would never have happened if everyone was armed with fully automatic assault rifles. The Democrats said the shooter was a millionaire, white supremacist. A study funded by Liberals Against Whites (LAW), shows that black Americans are 279% more likely to be affected by a nagging cough than whites. The report went on to say that this was due to systemic racism. Scientists at the University of Stuff, in Wikiton California, have released the results of a 2-year study about the last ice age. Apparently, it was caused by global warming from greenhouse gasses. Joe Biden announced today, that he plans to give government money to all minorities before the next election. Donald Trump gave a press conference yesterday, where he blamed all of the world’s problems on immigrants. Then he left his foreign-born wife at Mar-a-Lago, so he could go on a date with a porn star from Easter...