The Shitfuk Institute

Shitfuk Institute

By Kevin J. Curtis

Copyright 2019

              He was employed in the lowest of the low jobs known to humankind. He worked the help-desk at the Shitfuk Institute. While others on the upper floors enjoyed rank and status, the help-desk worked in the basement below the basement. Cleaning up technological messes was their primary focus. Each day, new work and responsibilities were given to the help-desk team with no thought or planning. Data was important to management, so they manipulated the numbers with great zealousness. 
              He had joined the Shitfuk Institute two years earlier and was originally proud to be part of Shitfuk Industries, headquartered at 456 Bada Bing Road. The corporation had been created a hundred years earlier by a retired army major named, Hugh G. Shitfuk. Major Shitfuk had been instrumental in defeating Ethiopia during the Tinsel War.
              Late in the previous fiscal year, the Shitfuk Institute had implemented a patent on Guilt-Free Penguins; which drove Shitfuk stock up by over nine-fold in just eighteen seconds—and helped to improve garbage collection along route 2 in Perkinsburg, Louisiana. Chief Zanzibar, Martin Douglas was so happy, that he allowed everyone to have an eleven-minute break the next day instead of the usual ten-minute break.
              Though he preferred to goof off rather than work, the current owner of Shitfuk Industries was none other than the great-grandson of Major Shitfuk, Dominick Shitfuk. He was well suited to being president of the company, as he stood 6’5” tall. He was affectionately known by his many friends as, Big Dom Shitfuk.
              But 80’ below ground hidden from fresh air and sunlight, help-desk lackeys had only to fix any and all problems created or encountered by those on the upper floors—who had no regard for cost or efficiency. They simply wanted it all, and they wanted it now.
              As he hammered the hard drive flat so it would fit into the tiny surface, he wished he could get a better job with higher pay, smarter, kinder managers and good hours and benefits. But did that job exist? Afterall, he was just one man. But he was also a Shitfuk. Would he really be any happier if he wasn’t a Shitfuk anymore?
              He named the newly imaged surface and joined it to the domain. Then he placed it into the correct OU in Lively Directory. He had completed 197 help-desk tickets today. One coworker had completed one. But to be fair, the guy had used his time wisely watching MeTube and talking on the phone.
              None of that mattered anymore now. It was time to go home. He had put in his 10 hours and was ready to leave. He closed his files and locked up his desk. While walking the long hallway to the stairs, he thought about how badly he needed to pee right then.

The End