CuTRis Announces that He is Straight

CuTRis Announces that He is Straight
UnAssociated Press
July 1, 2015

In a bold move today, CuTRis came out of the front door of his house and in front of what can only be described as a crap-load of reporters, he announced that he is straight. He said that in fact, he has always been a heterosexual.
"There is nothing wrong with me," said CuTRis vehemently. "I just prefer the opposite sex. Hopefully, people will still treat me like any other person—even though it is now so trendy and politically correct to be gay. As hard as it was for me to admit that I am 100% straight, I can only imagine how difficult it is, for all of the teenagers who have to break the news to their parents—that they, too, are straight. Please be kind people. We have come so far!"
Then CuTRis went back through the front door and reporters were left in a stunned silence.