Peter Goes to College

By Kevin J. Curtis

No one remembered how the town had gotten its name. Let’s face it; the people who had named it had all died a long time ago. Now he was headed off to college. He didn’t know why he should feel self-conscious about where he came from. After all, he was a Kingbuttz; and the Kingbuttz family had been very influential in the town of Bastard Hollow for as long as anyone could remember.

Bastard Hollow was the only place he had ever lived. That is, up until now. He was on his way to the big city where he had been accepted into Parnell University. He would be moving into a dorm on campus later that day.

He was leaving everything that he loved behind—including, Mitzi Hershel Stanford; who was the prettiest girl in Bastard Hollow. He had been going steady with her for over two years.

Their last meeting had been tense. Mitzi said she couldn’t wait for him. But he knew that he needed to get his education in Micro-Biology. Studying small insects and germs was all he had ever wanted to do.

Studying was something that Peter Kingbuttz didn’t take lightly. He once studied his Captain Crunch cereal box for two years. The cereal was hopelessly spoiled by the time he was finished. It was moldy and full of crawly things—but he ate it anyway just to prove his point.

Now as he rode to college in the trunk of his dad’s car, Peter Kingbuttz could only dream of his future as a grown man; when he could finally ride inside of the car like his father.

Navin Kingbuttz, Peter’s father, was a man of unshakeable confidence. He drove from the front seat of the car—and Peter sometimes wondered from the trunk, if his father hit the bumps in the road harder than he had to; just to teach him a lesson.

The Kingbuttz car had once been a fire truck, and Peter’s mother had once been a man—but that was all in the past now as Peter headed for college and his new adventures.

From inside of the trunk of the car, Peter wondered silently if he would miss his girlfriend Mitzi as much as he would miss his pet armadillo, Heathcliff. Because even though Mitzi was the prettiest girl in Bastard hollow, she weighed over 1,200 lbs. and had large zits on her face. Peter’s armadillo on the other hand, was rather small and cute.

Those were the many thoughts that Peter Kingbuttz had during that fateful car ride in the trunk to college. Then, suddenly, the car stopped and Peter’s father released the trunk latch. Peter crawled out of the trunk and there before him was Parnell University!

Copyright by Kevin J. Curtis – 02/10/2012