How to Choose a Republican Nominee

"It's so hard to choose a candidate in the Republican Primaries," complained Jethro. "They all suck!"

"You gots to look at it differ-runtly," said Cletus. "It's like when we is tryin' to get rid of the weevils before they wreck our crops."

"Do tell!" said Jethro--suddenly interested in the intellectual reasoning of his friend Cletus.

"Say we gots to have one kind of weevil on our farm and there ain't no two-ways about it," continued Cletus. "Only thing you got goin' fer you is that you get to pick which kind of weevil yer gonna' have to deal with."

"Ya mean like a Boll weevil? asked Jethro.

"No," replied Cletus. "These is hypo-thet-icul weevils."

"What kind?" asked Jethro.

"Pretend the Republicans on TV is like weevils. You got a big giant weevil, and you gots a much smaller weevil", explained Cletus. "Now if'n you could pick what kind of weevil would you'd druther have to deal with, which one would you pick?"

"I'd pick the lesser of the two weevils!" exclaimed Jethro.

"That's right my friend, and that's how you pick yer Republican candidate," said Cletus.