Cutris Sues Himself for Slander

Cutris Sues Himself for Slander
January 15, 2010
UnAssociated Press

Always the controversial character, Cutris shocked everyone today with his announcement that he was suing himself for a slanderous statement that he made about himself 14 years ago. At this time, no one is sure exactly what the statement was all about, except that it has finally prompted Cutris to act.

After hiring the law firm of Dusty, Turnkey and Prawn, Cutris announced that he was finally ready to "take action," and not let himself get away with saying such slanderous things! He and his attorneys are asking for $84 Bazillion in restitution.

Asked if he was worried about being sued, Cutris replied that he would use the settlement money to pay off his settlement. The lawyers, Cutris told reporters, know they won’t get paid. "They’re just doing it for publicity," he said.

Cutris also indicated that he could not talk further to the press, himself or Sesame Street’s Big Bird, who apparently has also been named in the suit.