Cutris Breaks Code to bin Laden's Answering Machine

Cutris Breaks Code to bin Laden's Answering Machine
UnAssociated Press
January 27, 2009

Sources close to former presidential candidate Cutris, claim that he has broken the code to Osama bin Laden's answering machine. Reports circulating Monday, indicate that Cutris accidentally dialed bin Laden's phone by mistake. Once he realized whose phone it was, he pressed numerous buttons until he gained access to secret messages.

When questioned, Cutris replied that he had heard Osama bin Laden's phone messages, but they were "mostly boring."
"One message," said Cutris, "was from 'Ali,' inviting bin Laden and two of his wives over to Ali's cave for some goat's milk. The wives were to stay outside during the visit, as Ali only allows women into his cave on alternating Thursdays to "tidy up." Cutris continued by saying, "Another message was from bin Laden's accountant, and three were from someone named, 'Raoul.'"

The (U.S.) Joint Chiefs of Staff have summoned Cutris to the Pentagon to question him regarding the terrorist leader's phone number. "I have it saved in my call history," said Cutris. I'll be happy to share it with the authorities; though I don't know if I can access the answering machine again. The first time may have been a fluke."