Unglip Rides Again

April 20, 2007
Cycle 1, Blue Planet
Interstellar Traveler, Unglip Reporting

This is my fourth visit to the Blue Planet. I have not, in my three previous visits seen any remoflactions of intelligent life. It has been an entire solar cycle since I have been here. My initial reaction was one of disbelief. The bipedal beings are still using bio-toxins to power everything from their quad-rolling transports, to the increasing or decreasing of the temperature in their dwellings. They also continue to be preoccupied with holding radio transmitters to their auditory canals and communicating endlessly about Patussi-knows-what, in a loud manner.

I have chosen to explore the warmer half of the planet. There were plenty of brain cell damaging beverages when I arrived at an outdoor gathering. The event I materialized into, featured several beings using amplified noise making devices and screaming into vocal amplifiers. They did this in a rhythmical pattern and it seemed to be appreciated by those who were present.

I was already disguised in baggy, ill-fitting, torn cloth, and I fit in pretty well. The beings were largely incapacitated by the brain cell damaging beverages, as well as other brain function altering chemicals. In order to further fit into the group, I breathed in a toxic cloud of plant fibers that was handed to me. It was rolled into a parchment of some kind. The material, while ghastly primitive, gave off an effect similar to the BonJuvvi that is ingested on Tolopious in the Bindir sector of our home world. It made me want to hear more of the mathematical sounds and I also felt like ingesting the crispy fried, tuber snacks that were at a stand near the back of the gathering.

I ordered a parchment boat full of the tuber snacks, and the being serving them got angry when I tried to leave with the snacks. It soon occurred to me that I must need to compensate these insane creatures with some kind of metallic token, like I’ve seen them do in the past. I didn’t have any metal tokens, but I handed the attendant the bag of dried flowers that I found near the beings that were breathing the smoke from the plant fibers that were rolled in parchment. This seemed to satisfy payment for the fried tuber snacks.

After finishing the snacks, I required hydration. There was a large metallic receptacle with a pump on it that had a brown, brain cell damaging liquid in it. My analyzer indicated that it was made from water, roasted grass seed and flowers. I was able to get a portion of it from the pump; since the attendant was busy looking at an opposite sex being, that had removed the top half of its cloths.

That was when I noticed that the being who gave me the fried tuber snacks was being led away by some of those infuriating beings in the blue cloth with all of the paraphernalia attached to it. Why were they always so confrontational? To my dismay, the fried tuber snack attendant started pointing at me and shouting, “He gave me the stuff officer!”
I still do not know what this meant, but it caused the beings to pursue me and attach a metallic torture device to my appendages.

I about had enough by then, so I secreted fomboorg which immediately melted my constraints. This momentarily dumfounded my would-be-captors and I began to run in a bipedal fashion. The blue clothed beings began to fire primitive metal projectiles at me, so I was forced to pull my Sanclop-Ray, which caused them to move backward for the next several limosplotches. By then, I was back onboard my interstellar vehicle and had already launched.

I was intercepted by six, armed flying machines that tried communicating by primitive radio frequencies. They fired their weapons, but I went into rectoroops drive, and easily outpaced them.

Thus, I still have found little indication of intelligent life on the Blue Planet. Perhaps I will have to explore beneath the great waters to find it. That will have to wait though. I am due on Litmus Prime in five grenbills.


http://cutris.blogspot.com/2005/08/interstellar-traveler-unglip-reporting.html

http://cutris.blogspot.com/2006/04/interstellar-traveler-unglip-reports.html