Negative Campaign Ads

By now, many of you have probably seen or heard the negative campaign ads produced by both the Republican and Democratic parties, which make many ridiculous claims against me. I would like to take this opportunity to set the record straight, and remove any doubts as to my integrity in regard to my run for the Presidency of the United States of America.

First, I did not, have not, nor will I in the future, ever eat live kittens with my morning breakfast cereal. This claim is false. I am actually quite partial to breakfast burritos which I make myself. These contain no feline matter.

Second, I did not go to any of Osama bin Laden’s bachelor parties for his third and fifth (wives) marriages. I do not know Osama, and I have already gone on record as saying he is a fartknocker.

Third, while I think George W. Bush is also a fartknocker, I did not say he was gay. In addition, if he is gay, that is his business, not mine.

Fourth, I did not vote against a ban on banning bans. I have no idea what this is about, as I am not a member of congress and can’t vote on this stuff. I was not even allowed to go to the meeting about having meetings.

Finally, I did not start World War III. This is false. In fact, to date, World War III has not officially started.

I would also like to say that I refuse to run a negative campaign. You already know that I am the best person for the job. I could tell you how awful my opponents are, but why bore you with details you probably already know?

Kevin J. Curtis for President in 2008!

I’m Kevin J. Curtis, and I approve of this blog.