Russia has New Pants Missile

Russia has New Pants Missile
UnAssociated Press
March 31,2018

Vladimir Putin has announced that Russia has a new super stealth pants missile. This Insidious new weapon, can sneak up behind anyone in the world, and drop their pants! Furthermore, Putin says there is no defense against this weapon.

Temp Job in Washington DC

Opening for several high-level jobs in Washington DC. Employment duration is temporary. You must be ready to be asked to leave at any time. Experience should include evading direct questions and lying to protect top leadership. Qualified candidates can start immediately.

Please apply at Whitehouse.gov

Mop Room

"Excuse me, do you know where the mop room is?"

If Your Idea is Good

If your idea is good I'll know it. But just because your job title has "director" in it, that doesn't mean your ideas are good.

Trump vs Biden

There's only one way to settle this...

Donald Trump vs. Joe Biden in a no-holds-barred fist fight behind the gym this Saturday at (High) Noon (1:00 PM Eastern)!

STATS:
Donald Trump: Age: 71,  Height: 6'2",  Weight: 198 lbs.
Joe Biden:        Age: 75,  Height: 6',      Weight: 181 lbs.

Como Zoo

When I was a child, I loved going to the Como Zoo and Conservatory. My parents took me and my brother there with some frequency. Now, I can only smile when I see my son enjoying this place as much as I did. Many things are the same, but much is better—like the accommodations of the resident animals. On a sunny winter day, there is also nothing better than a walk through the conservatory.

CuTRis Recommends Ocean Salt

CuTRis Recommends Ocean Salt
UnAssociated Press
March 16, 2018

Today CuTRis came out of the woodwork to announce his recommendation that people stop using Sea Salt in their diets and switch to Ocean Salt. CuTRis told news sources that Ocean Salt comes from "a bigger place" than Sea Salt. So it is probably better.

Farewell Stephen Hawking

Years ago when I worked at the public library, I checked out every book and audio book available that was written by Stephen Hawking. I especially liked the audio books that were narrated by this man's computerized voice synthesizer. It was much better, in my opinion, than when one of his graduate student's read it. While I did not understand everything that Hawking was talking about, I did understand a lot of it. I even wondered why High School Physics had been so boring when Hawking made Physics so fascinating for me! Most impressive was his ability to create a theory and then immediately setout to discount it—and by doing so either validate it or prove it wrong. Also impressive was his ability to allow God to occupy the same Universe while other scientists may have difficulty accepting that coexistence. His contributions to physics, science, philosophy and theory are truly monumental—as was how he coped with his disease and the longevity and quality of his life in spite of it. Farewell Stephen Hawking. May you travel the cosmos at your leisure now.

CuTRis Selects Art Show Winner!

CuTRis Selects Art Show Winner!
UnAssociated Press
March 14, 2018

At a prestigious local art show yesterday, CuTRis was asked to select the overall winner of the show. Unfortunately, the sponsors of the art show did not realize that CuTRis' taste in art is... a bit... "unorthodox." As a result, the maker's of Sani Wipes have gladly accepted the honor of "best in show" for their packaging of Sani Wipes disposable cleaning wipes.

Sliding Sideways

With all the snow we've had recently and the warmer daytime temperatures there has been a lot of melting going on. Just this morning, in the dark, when the temperatures were back below freezing, I was on dry roads until I reached the highway ramp and found that it was covered in ice! My car started sliding sideways because of the angle of the ramp and it was quite an unnerving feeling because of the speed in which one is going in order to merge into the traffic on the highway. Thankfully the sliding was only perhaps for a second before my tires slid onto dry pavement again. Had traffic been heavier or if I had been driving faster, things might have been much worse.

Paris Jackson Claims People Are Changing her Skin Tone in Pictures

Paris Jackson

Paris Jackson Claims People Are Changing her Skin Tone in Pictures
UnAssociated Press
March 9, 2018

Paris Jackson is asking people to stop editing her skin tone in pictures. So anyone who is doing this should stop.

CuTRis Takes Job at White House and Resigns 12 Seconds Later

CuTRis Takes Job at White House and Resigns 12 Seconds Later
UnAssociated Press
March 8, 2018

White House sources confirmed today, that CuTRis held the job of White House Communications Director for exactly 12 seconds from 1:45:17PM to 1:45:29 (ET) on March 7, 2018. Citing irreconcilable stupidity, CuTRis said the 12 seconds he was employed at the White House was horrible and his resignation was a long time coming. CuTRis now joins a growing list of former White House staffers who have departed rather than work for the Trump administration.

Snapshot of Life at Home

Last evening me and my son were eating homemade soup (that I made) and a Subway sandwich.

Son says, "I really like this soup dad."
Dad replies, "I'm glad. Mom didn't even try it."
Son says, "I keep telling mom to try more different kinds of food!"

CuTRis Big Winner at the Oscars

CuTRis Big Winner at the Oscars
UnAssociated Press
March 5, 2018

Simply by not watching the Oscars, CuTRis came out as the big winner last evening! The fact that he did not waste his time watching yet another Hollywood awards show, meant that he did not waste those minutes and hours of his life that he would never get back.